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qwertyfreckle · Mar 5, 2009, 05:59 PM

OK here is the situation.

I am 17, I have post truamatic stress disorder caused by family stuff, and also I grew up in a very violent setting, and I was sexually abused when I was 13. I also have the beginnings of dissocociative disorder, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, chlaustrophobia. My oldest brother and my father both have aspergers syndrome, my sister, were actually waiting for a diagnosis, so they haven't put her on any meds yet, my mom also has many of the same things as me, and there are also these rare genetic diseases in our family, so my mom has had to have all these different surgeries because of FAP and now she has a tumour, and because of all the meds and things she is unable to drive, being the next most sane person in the house, I am supposed to kind of keep everyone in check, but I have been slowly going more and more insane over the years, because I can't do it. I simply am unable to cope anymore, and I am depressed, and have been suicidal and got hospitalised, which is how I got all these fun diagnosis, so my question is, how do I escape. I am 17, I can't drive, I have no money, and I NEED to leave, I'm a junior in high school. The thing is, I am angry at my father for long story reasons and I'm trying to keep it short here, so because I am so full of hatred and anger for this man, I can't sleep, I have insomnia, and when I do sleep I just have dreams about killing him, in digusting ways, and its all I can think about all the time, and I'm scad because I feel like I'm goiing crazy, and I can't control myself, and I have meds, and I have a phyciatrist, and I have for a long time, and nothing is working, and I am so stuck, and I am desperaely calling to anyone out there anywhere, who might have some inkling of an idea of how I can leave, because at this point it is the only solution for my safety, and my families safety, because I really think I might be going crazy and I'm scared.

wannabbeautiful · Mar 5, 2009, 06:10 PM

Can u talk to him? I was like you when I was your age. I hated my mum. I didn't want to murder anyone, but I attempted suicide for three times. But, now all over when I grow old. I realize that I really don't hate my mum. I hope you will be better when you have over your teenage.

sajjw · Mar 6, 2009, 03:59 AM

You need to tell your psychiatrist how you are feeling because if you are feeling this way your meds are clearly not doing the job they are supposed to. He may be able to increase your dose or can try different meds. Make an appointment with him today.

Illusion · Mar 7, 2009, 06:42 PM

Do you have any family that you could go and stay with? To be 17 years old and to be the one to keep everyone in check - no wonder you feel overwhelmed. These feelings that feel overwhelming may be one reason why you feel you are going crazy - you really are not - it just feels that way because you are dealing with your feelings and then your family situation. As a teenager, you need someone that can offer support and care for you - for most kids that is their parents - if not, then maybe a family member.

The suicidal feelings is just trying to find a way out - hurting yourself is not going to help. If you cannot go with family, can you speak to a counselor at school?

I do not know where you live but do you want to go into foster care? For most people this may be extreme - but I would rather that you ask for help for a place to stay and that you need to leave your family - rather than you stay and continue to feel like you are going to kill yourself or your family. You just sound like you have no support and your family is dealing with illness and problems - so it feels hopeless to you.

And yeah, I would be angry also if I felt no one was helping me out and supporting me and I am just a teenager. It can be scary to not know what will happen and where you are going to go. Take a sheet of paper and write down who you think you can talk to for help - family, school counselor, etc. You need to talk with someone in person as to what you are going to do. There is help though, so you are not alone. How about the psychiatrist? Can you talk to him or her.

The best situation would be if you went with either family or a family friend so that you can continue with school. If not, can you hold on until you graduate school and turn 18 and then leave. This way you have your diploma and can try to find a job so you can get some money to pay for a place - maybe with a roommate. There is a life for you so don't lose hope.

Write back and say how you are doing.