Where can I go to stop myself from becoming a murderer?
OK here is the situation.
I am 17, I have post truamatic stress disorder caused by family stuff, and also I grew up in a very violent setting, and I was sexually abused when I was 13. I also have the beginnings of dissocociative disorder, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, chlaustrophobia. My oldest brother and my father both have aspergers syndrome, my sister, were actually waiting for a diagnosis, so they haven't put her on any meds yet, my mom also has many of the same things as me, and there are also these rare genetic diseases in our family, so my mom has had to have all these different surgeries because of FAP and now she has a tumour, and because of all the meds and things she is unable to drive, being the next most sane person in the house, I am supposed to kind of keep everyone in check, but I have been slowly going more and more insane over the years, because I can't do it. I simply am unable to cope anymore, and I am depressed, and have been suicidal and got hospitalised, which is how I got all these fun diagnosis, so my question is, how do I escape. I am 17, I can't drive, I have no money, and I NEED to leave, I'm a junior in high school. The thing is, I am angry at my father for long story reasons and I'm trying to keep it short here, so because I am so full of hatred and anger for this man, I can't sleep, I have insomnia, and when I do sleep I just have dreams about killing him, in digusting ways, and its all I can think about all the time, and I'm scad because I feel like I'm goiing crazy, and I can't control myself, and I have meds, and I have a phyciatrist, and I have for a long time, and nothing is working, and I am so stuck, and I am desperaely calling to anyone out there anywhere, who might have some inkling of an idea of how I can leave, because at this point it is the only solution for my safety, and my families safety, because I really think I might be going crazy and I'm scared.