[chuck9387]

Okay, I met this girl about 6 months ago, we have a few classes together at college and hangout all the time doing homework, studying and just having fun. I fell for her hard soon after meeting her and when I asked her out she said that she had relationship issues and so I dropped it. As we grew closer as friends she started telling me about her past and the more I heard about her the more I fell in love with her. I finally told her how I felt and she still said she had relationship issues so I backed off again. Now she has finally told me that she doesn't know why she doesn't want to date me because I "would make the perfect boyfriend" but that she "would rather date aholes so that she knows what to expect". She has also told me that she is still stuck on her ex who treated her badly. Is there any hope for me with her? And more importantly, will she ever be able to date a guy who will ever treat her the way she deserves to be treated? And is the who thing about rather dating aholes just a complicated way of saying "it's not you it's me?"

[sparkplug24]

Well I won't beat around the Bush! Good girls do fall for bad guys, but those good girls that do, usually turn out to be the girl you don't want to be with unless they have hit a brick wall and have had a complete overhaul in the way they look at things in Life! Just be friends with here and she will eventually be knocking on your door!

[johnoutwater1]

Women are emotional and need to have their emotions engaged at a certain level to feel connected in a relationship. Being in a relationship with a "tool" probably made her feel like she didn't know if she was coming or going, which likely engaged just about all of her emotions, big time, and because her emotions were so engaged she probably felt a stronger connection to said tool. And so it goes. You need to break her out of the cycle and you need to get yourself some ammo to do so. There is a website called getthegirl.com that talks about women from a pickup artists perspective as a way to break that cycle and put you in control. It is one of the few pickup artist sites that keeps things respectable- it isn't about taking advantage, it's about engaging at a level that women understand. Interesting stuff and it WORKS. (P.S. I am in no way related to that site or the material but think it can change your perspective) Good luck!

[sunnylove87]

My advice... is that if you keep staying there for her she is bound to see you, sooner or later she will have to see that you were always there for her. always.

[johnoutwater1]

Sorry, but "just be yourself and hope that she comes around" is putting your fate in someone else's hands, so no. There is this thing called work/reward. We do it all our lives- if we see something we want, we really, really want, we work our asses off to get it, right? But if something is EASY, we lose interest in it fairly quickly. Remember that thing you had to have when you were a kid (or as an adult)? You dreamt about this thing that you didn't have, agonized over it, obsessed over it. Then Christmas came and you got it- and a few weeks later, well, although you couldn't describe it, it just didn't seem as important. You lost interest because it was right there whenever you wanted it and you moved on to something else. This is exactly what you are dealing with when emotions are involved. If something is too easy, it won't hold your (or her) attention. In your situation you are doing two things- making yourself into that thing that is so easy to get that it isn't any effort at all, and rewarding her for not being interested in you by still being there whenever she wants. Ask her yourself. Tell her, "You know, I was reading this article about women and their need to connect at a truly emotional level. What do you think about that?" With bad boy-types it isn't about drama, its about engaging her emotions at so many levels that she feels this incredible bond that she now misses. But it isn't the guy she still pines for, it was the way he made her feel emotionally. If you did the same- engage her emotions on a bunch of different levels, but do it in a way that doesn't cross the line from being "engaging" to an "a-hole", you'll get the girl.

[rottensquids]

I don't know what to tell you bro, except from my own perspective, good girls, are scared sometimes about what I don't know, but its usually the aholes who bring them out of their shell and show them the kind of crazy they crave, the way I see it good guys go for good girls, who go for, bad boys, who go for bad girls, who go for rich guys, the rich guy, and bad girl hook up... the bad guy, and good girl hook up, and us good guys are left with our sad little pathetic feeling trampled and we continue to feel that way for a long time.