[jeffatl]

Ok, I have been dating A lot over the past few moths but nothing has come along that has really lived up to anything worth going after. The thing is, I am in love with a girl that I think is perfect for me. I have talked about this girl here before, and the last time I saw her was new years. We talk every now and then, but things are just so complicated it drives me nuts! I'm not one to get worked up over women these days, but I can't get this girl out of my thoughts, the crazy thing is... she always seems to pop up or yext me when I am not thinking about her. I really want to just come clean to her, but I would be risking A lot if it went wrong. This is my best friends sister, and though I don't think he would mind so much if we actually made it work... I am just afraid of losing two people I care about A lot. I HATE thinkign about losing a chance with this girl just because I was too afraid of taking a chance though. I have a pretty good feeling she has interest in me too (I normally have a pretty good insight on thigs like this) and think she is afraid of the same things I am. Should I come clean to her, or just wait it out?

[lavenderly]

Why not just test the waters before u come clean with her?
Maybe u can ask her to shop with u because u want to buy something for your best friend. Then when u are at a mall, casually ask whether she want to catch a movie with u. Then try giving her two choices of movies, like a romance flick or a comedy. If she agrees to watch it with u, and chooses romance, maybe u are in the right track.

U can also ask her out for some games that involves two persons. Like snooker or pool games, bowling etc. Something with closer proximity and not cause too much sweat. She might get the idea that u are into her. If she still hangs out with u, just u two, then u know there is better chance of being successful in this chase.

When u text her after a day out, try to say stuff like u had a great day with her and ask whether she would like to do it again. If she says yes, then this time tell her to plan something and call u out (do this only if you two have gone out a few times together). See how long it takes for her to ask u out and how much effort she puts into the next date.

If all goes well, u can then come clean with her. But make sure u choose the right time and right place. Good luck!

[BMI]

Hey jeffatl,

I can identify with this predicament.

I too have cold feet in regards to asking my ex-girlfriend of 5 1/2 years if she would be willing to have another go at it.

From my experience you have to look at what YOU want and not worry about the ramifications of her saying no. I have waited (GULP) 1 1/2 years and STILL have not breached the subject to her out of fear of what I may stand to lose (complications as you put it). We talk twice a week and we hang out but the fear of asking is driving me up a wall.

What I'm trying to say is ASK HER!! Let the cards fall where they may, the important thing is the truth. You like her andyou want to know if she likes you, That's IT! Don't complicate things by waiting and analyzing this and that. To be perfectly honest, I have waited for BOTH my ex girls to give signs and negotiate what my odds are in asking either, what I'm left with is that I'm about 1 1/2 years older, I have a neverending journal of pros and cons on both girls, odds of them liking me and what not, and the conclusion that I have spent a lot of time wondering whether to ask or not and I have no clearer picture than when this all began.

If its no than it may help you find the right girl, if its yes you will kick yourself for waiting in the first place. DON't pull a me on this one, ASK NOW!

Perhaps I shall join you in this quest and ask as well:)

[HistorianChick]

I'm in complete agreement with the above posts. Ask her! Yes, you have a lot to lose, but you'll never know if she could be "the one" until you ask. Its good that you're concerned about the ramifications of such a relationship, but honey, go for it!

Good luck! :)

[jeffatl]

Thanks guys, I do just need to go for it. I have been dating a lot, but all I can think about is her... kind of funny really. We are going to hang out this weekend, I will see how things go.

[jeffatl]

UPDATE: I'm actually taking her out next weekend. I didn't want to do the valintines day thing to keep it light, and NO PRESSURE. We have been talking a lot lately, and I have been trying to keep things playfull and fun (still haven't told her how I feel). I just want to make sure the time is right, and get a feel in person for where she is at. I still haven't said anything to her brother about anything, and I think that is best for now. I will let you guys know how the date goes next week.

[talaniman]

Good luck!!