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18Ahunnie · Feb 25, 2009, 02:20 PM

I am in a great relationship and he is the best guy I have ever met and been with. He is my everything, my best friend and my buddy. We have been dating for about one year and in the past couple of months we have been arguing more and more which leads to tears and hanging up of phones.

BTW u am 21 and he is 31

I have some things that I occupy myself with, therefore we don't see each other too often, just enough. We are best friends more then anything, when we were just friends I was very easy going and confident in myself. Reason being is because I occupied myself wit other male friends and such.

The problem is that now I became extremely insecure about myself, it is reflecting really bad off me. Simple things that I could have never cared about before, get me to tears or very upset. Such as him even mentioning any female names, female friends and internet stuff that other women post him.

I tried not to look at them, but that did not work. I became possesiive, naggy, jealous and cornered him. I am surprised he hasn't left me yet. He is a great guy overall and because we are best friends he wants to make it work because he loves me deeply. He has been nothing but loyal, faithful and great guy.

It started bothering me bcause he started to watch porn. Not at all much but it still bothers me. He didn't do it before because he did not have a home computer. What is seriously wrong with me why can't I leave him alone and let him do what he has to do. Just like a friend? The only thing that is different is that we are having sex, simple eh? Yet I have no idea what to do.

And something stupid like watching a movie with hot actresses and I make comments which bother him and w start fighting

He works in an industry filled with beautiful women and for some reason it began o bother me and I begn worrying for no reason.

Because he's giving me another chance I don't wan to screw it up and want to take things easywith myself. I need some help of what and how to do it. Lately I have been crying and gettig emotional for absolute no reason =(

How do I get that individuality back and confidence level high. I am a good looking athletic female and I have plenty of other hobbies. I have confidence when I'm doing my sports and stuff, but not in the relationship.

Please! Help me save my relationship!

UnluckyDucky · Feb 25, 2009, 02:29 PM

What has been the reason for these arguments? Another thing though, you mentioned you were easy going and confident because "you occupied yourself with other male friends", what exactly do you mean by this?

Realize that he's with you for a reason. If he works in an industry filled with beautiful women but still chooses to be with you, that has to be saying something right? I do think you need to find the root of your insecurity however and see if you can address it before it ruins your relationship.

18Ahunnie · Feb 25, 2009, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by UnluckyDucky

What has been the reason for these arguments? Another thing though, you mentioned you were easy going and confident because "you occupied yourself with other male friends", what exactly do you mean by this?

Realize that he's with you for a reason. If he works in an industry filled with beautiful women but still chooses to be with you, that has to be saying something right? I do think you need to find the root of your insecurity however and see if you can address it before it ruins your relationship.

Because I began saying things about other females when I see something or when he mentions something. Or I just stay quiet and not saying anything, eigher way he gets irritated by that

By different guys, coffee here one day, movie there, dinner there , just having fun. Because I have no time to go out as much anymore because of work, I only see him.

I meet some great females and for some reason in the back of my mind I don't want him to ever meet that female.

artlady · Feb 25, 2009, 02:45 PM

You need to change your inner dialogue from * I am not as good as* to *I am as good as*.

Every time the negative creeps in you need to say NO and mean it and replace it with a positive.It takes practice but it works!

Give yourself pep talks and concentrate on your strengths and how you can use those assets to help you get over your weaker areas.

talaniman · Feb 26, 2009, 02:52 PM

Now that the honeymoon is over, the learning, and hard work of being with someone, and knowing more about them, and how they are, and making adjustments.

This is where you learn to how to communicate, and express yourselves, and learn how to cope with the new changes in you both.

As Artlady said, make those changes through the exercise she described, and stay positive, and upbeat.

ylaira · Feb 26, 2009, 03:12 PM

I speak for myself, when I start to feel that way, it is because something has changed. I can adjust to any changes, schedule, dates, routines but not losing sweet moments and time.

Communicate it well and if he does care about your feelings, giving up watching porn for [U]a while [/U]until you're reassured isn't a big deal.

Just always remember, it's not his main job to make you secure. They (men) are visual and it's has nothing to do with you.

smalltowngal · Feb 26, 2009, 04:52 PM

Originally Posted by 18Ahunnie

We are best friends more then anything, when we were just friends i was very easy going and confident in myself. Reason being is because i occupied myself wit other male friends and such.

Why do you associate having confidence with having men in your life? And what does spending time with men other than your partner have to do with whether your relationship with your partner is good? Is it simply that the other men kept you occupied enough that you didn't take the time to notice what your partner does? Something here just isn't sounding right to me...

18Ahunnie · Feb 26, 2009, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by smalltowngal

Why do you associate having confidence with having men in your life? And what does spending time with men other than your partner have to do with whether or not your relationship with your partner is good? Is it simply that the other men kept you occupied enough that you didn't take the time to notice what your partner does? Something here just isn't sounding right to me...

No when I had a lot of male friends, him and I were not dating, he was just one of my really good friend. He waited a whole year to be with me and once we began dating, I stoppped having time to hang out with other guys. They do not necessarly make me happier, but I guess its true, they did take my mind off problems.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 26, 2009, 09:14 PM

Because I began saying things about other females when I see something or when he mentions something. Or I just stay quiet and not saying anything, eigher way he gets irritated by that

So do you mean he's even when you don't say anything he gets irritated? Something doesn't sound right about that.

No when I had a lot of male friends, him and I were not dating, he was just one of my really good friend. He waited a whole year to be with me and once we began dating, I stoppped having time to hang out with other guys. They do not necessarly make me happier, but I guess its true, they did take my mind off problems.

I think there's more to the story here. So to clarify what you've stated so far, before you and him started a relationship, you had time to hang out with other people. But now, since you work so much all your free time is spent with him?

18Ahunnie · Feb 27, 2009, 05:50 AM

Basically, but the most I see him every day is one hour. Sometimes I go shopping with gfs, movies with them, and I am so tired after work I just want to relax at home.

No when he says something about a female at work, I start asking questions and then stay quiet, and he knows I'm thinking thins I should not be and that's why he gets irritated