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erickson1986 · Feb 25, 2009, 01:24 PM

I been was with my ex-girlfriend for over two tears. She lost her job, had not much going for her, but I was still loving and supporting her in hard times and money wise. Then she started to get distant and start a fights for nothing. She then moved out of our place. She still keeps contact with me saying that she loves me and she needs to just get her life on track. I've tried everything to get her back and nothing works. She says she still loves me but her heart tells her to just be alone for now. How do I get her back? I know she loves me still. Currently I stopped talking to her in hopes she would miss me and come back. Am I doing the right thing?

Krystleann06 · Feb 25, 2009, 01:36 PM

I think you are doing the right thing. If it is meant to be she will come back. If it isn't you will eventually get over her and your feelings will fade and you can find someone new to love. Best advice I can give... live your life for you.

kctiger · Feb 25, 2009, 01:42 PM

She has bigger issues to deal with, and I am sorry, but she doesn't love you. At least, not the way you love her. If she was "in love" with you, nothing would keep her away, and you guys would work through this together... that isn't the case. You need to not contact her for your own sake, not as an ends to a means, or as a game to get her back.

artlady · Feb 25, 2009, 01:43 PM

She says she still loves me but her heart tells her to just be alone for now.

You can't force someone to love you or want to be with you.

People do not automatically stop loving someone just because they are not together anymore.

There is the kind of love that sustains relationships and then there is the kind of love you have for someone who you were in love with at one time.

They are very different.

I think what she means is the latter and that is why she is not with you.
It sounds as if she is asking you to move on in the kindest way she knows.I think you should respect her wishes and leave her alone.

Romefalls19 · Feb 25, 2009, 01:53 PM

Two types of love

1. In love
2. Love

She is the second, she loves you but is not in love with you. If she was she would be with you right now.

Go No Contact and start the healing process, it's a huge step in the right direction.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 25, 2009, 02:22 PM

You are doing the right thing by not talking to her, but for the wrong reason.

Going No Contact is for you to heal your mended heart and set the focus of your life back on yourself - not for her to miss you in hopes that she'll want to be with you again.

talaniman · Feb 26, 2009, 02:55 PM

Your doing the right thing here by giving her what she wants... time and space. In the meantime deal with your own life and get some fun going. Time waits for no one and its to short to waste on someone who has other things in life to do.

smalltowngal · Feb 26, 2009, 05:10 PM

She no longer feels like an equal partner in your relationship, so she has backed out of it. She's feeling down on herself, and maybe even ashamed. Maybe she can't understand how you can love her when right now she can't love herself. I think she did the right thing by moving out when she didn't feel she could be an equal partner.

The popular answer here has been to cut contact and move on with your life. And if you are so in love with her that you base everything on how to get her back in your life, then I will completely agree with that. BUT, IF and ONLY IF you are able to take a step back and just be her friend right now with no strings attached, I'm sure she could use your support while she's going through what I'm sure is a difficult time in her life. This can only work if you are able to bring yourself to be nothing more than just her friend. You have to stop trying to get her back. That is something you are doing for you and the focus needs to be on what she needs. She needs to either have you be her friend or get out of her life. In the end, it's what you need too.

slapshot_oi · Feb 27, 2009, 01:37 PM

Man... she was leeching off you for two years! I bet she was waiting for you to put your foot down and to give her the ultimatum to get a job or get out and when that day never came, she just took off.

Fizzy Burst · Feb 27, 2009, 06:55 PM

Quit trying to get her back. Her taking control of her life needs to be her priority right now. Either she will get her life straightened out and realize that you are the person that she wants to be with. Or this distance will make you realize that she isn't what you want or need in your life. Remember that she may be the only person that you can see spending your life with right now, but there are a million other women out there that you won't be able to see spending your life without later on.