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mariner310 · Feb 10, 2009, 01:42 AM

So check it out. I've known this girl now for about 10 years and we've always had a thing for each other.. . we went out in grammar school for about a year.. . she was pretty much my first puppy love. We kind of broke it off after grammar school because we were going to attend different schools. So after high school I go off to college(OR) for 2 years and only see her once during that time. I guess during that time she manages to get into a pretty serious relationship with this guy. Well since I've been back we have been talking more and more because her brother is dating my sister LOL go figure huh. So her and her man have been in a love hate relationship and she finally has the balls to break it off. So what I'm trying to get at here is how should I go about handling the love of my life:confused:.. . I think the best thing to do right now is to give her space and let her love herself and live the single life at the moment before I go diving in any kind of relationship. Any advice would be great thanks for reading.

SarahNewhouse · Feb 10, 2009, 03:15 AM

Yeah I think you should just give her space, and when you see her try to look your best and sort of flirt with her but not too much.

ardahk · Feb 10, 2009, 03:43 AM

Cute story, my brother and I were dating two sisters at the same time - it's a good thing to have. She will most definitely need her space, do not be forward at all right now, the best possible thing you can be is be there for her, but not constantly and not in a boyfriend way. At the same time you don't want to fall into the friends zone which can usually happen in this situation nor do you want to be seen as just a rebound.

Allow time for her feelings for this guy to settle and for her to get her life back on track so to speak. She will need people around her, so encourage her to come out to drinks with you and friends or a coffee or something. She won't be feeling good right now and the thought of the single life may seem scary to her depending but at the same time if you both rush into something she may later realise it was silly to do so before she sorted her head out.

Keep developping what you guys have, she will need that right now, do not take it further, until you are both ready for that - if she really is the love of your life this shouldn't be a problem.

Be there for her, but not constantly and things will develop naturally as they are meant to

mariner310 · Feb 10, 2009, 02:20 PM

Yea I was always there for her when she needed someone.. . and what gets me is she would always come to me first before her BF. She would even drop in on me when they were dating and ask me about my love life. I guess checking if I was still single. Another thing is whenever I see her like at a party or show, we always end up together at the end of the night kissing and what not. I don't think I should let that happen anymore lol.

ardahk · Feb 16, 2009, 08:23 AM

Any update... this sounds very similar to how I started to go out with my ex..

How does she react the next day after you spent the night together and ended up kissing.. Does she talk about it or just act like it didn't happen (not in a bad way like she regretted it) and continue as always?

mariner310 · Feb 16, 2009, 02:32 PM

Well I've kind of fallen into this position where I think about her all the time and it sucks. So check this out.. . she spends her Valentines at her girlfriends house, I just hang out by myself at my house for the night. She text's me to call her so we chat for a little while and then I let her go. She calls me again at 3 in the morning to come over her house. And me like a fool end up going. She had been drinking and I was sober. We spend the night together and I can't sleep for . I'm really not a nosy guy but I had to know. I looked at her texts and sure enough she had been texting her ex in between our texts. Now I really couldn't sleep. I was bummed:( She wakes up in the morning knowing what she did but we didn't talk about it I just gave her a kiss goodbye and I left with regretful feelings filling up my head. I'm kind of glad I looked at her phone because now I know to really give her space and gather her feelings. I just don't know what to do, should there be NO CONTACT? I've tried this approach but she always say "I can't not talk to you!" I'm clueless on what to do man.. .

Justwantfair · Feb 16, 2009, 02:39 PM

Well first you have already stated that her and her ex boyfriend have had an on again off again relationship, you do not know that it is truly off. She needs to determine that on her own, maybe you really need to be more direct in telling her your feelings and that you need her to deal with her situation and find herself. Then go NC.

The ball is then in her court if she is going to go be to her ex for the time being so be it, but if she is truly interested in moving on maybe she will take the time to get herself together. By telling her you have feelings for her, which she apparently already knows since she called you to "comfort" her when she was drunk, you are also telling her that you don't have any desire to be used while she plays ping pong with the men in her life.

She needs to get this one together on her own.

ardahk · Feb 17, 2009, 06:49 AM

Look I know you both have feelings for each other but you should be happy that she calls you and comes to you not her on/off boyfriend.. She obviously has feelings for you, it may be the case she doesn't know how you feel. Before me and my ex got together but both had liked each other for ages, but neither of us really knew to what extent and just took the kissing for kissing even though we wanted more.

What I did, seeing as I really liked her was just spend more time with her, have fun with her (not sexually at all), be sweet, take her for drives around and coffees, chit chat nonstop just became closer as friends and the attraction came to the point where neither of us could keep it inside (this is similar to you because she had an ish boyfriend at the time)

For me, you have 2 options (all of which exclude reading her texts, you cannot do that - first off its rude, intrusive, stalkerish behaviour and only going to hurt you)... So your 2 options:

1. Do what I did, spend more QUALITY time with her and feelings will naturally grow and eventually come out..

If you feel you can't take the risk in waiting or can't take the pain in waiting and letting it grow etc...

2. Tell her exactly how you feel, although she already has some sort of an inkling. Be sincere, sweet, charming and honest. Just beware that if she isn't ready or doesn't want anything right now you may jeopardise your friendship.

Full on, or be patient - who doesn't like the chase though?

talaniman · Feb 17, 2009, 07:19 AM

Talaniman Rule- Never ever get emotionally involved with someone who still has an ex in there life.

Talaniman Rule- Never be a rebound for anyone

Talaniman Rule-You may think someone is the love of your life, but unless they feel the same, your wasting your time.

You have been a willing emotional tampon for a long time, my friend, and its time to stop, and seek your own path without her. That would be giving her space.

Your in friend zone, and thats where you will stay, like a girlfriend. And for gosh sake, stop presuming how she feels, as this will only give you false hope.

mariner310 · Feb 17, 2009, 08:27 AM

Well you guys pretty much hit the bullseye on my questions.. . I think I'm just going to stay clear for now and not be involved like Talaniman says. I'll just keep in touch every now and then. I think that's the right thing to do so I'll give it a try. Thanks for your guys support.:)

Romefalls19 · Feb 17, 2009, 08:35 AM

Once again, I can't add anything because Tal sums it all up. I have to start beating Tal to the responses

mariner310 · Feb 22, 2009, 12:16 PM

Well what I predicted sadly came true. Last Fri. I talked to her on the phone like any other time and it was a usual conversation, nothing too deep and emotional. Turns out a couple days pass and I get no call or text. I'm at a show one night and I text that I wish she was here. No response, that's just unusual so I know something's up like she's back with him. So the inevitable pretty happened. Come to think things would finally come around for us this is what happened, she just gave me the cold shoulder. I don't want anything to do with her I'm over it. I tried and tried but she's just too much. I just need to gather my thoughts and put them into one big guilt trip to lay on her. But I don't even know where to start. This sucks:mad: