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sarah63 · Feb 11, 2009, 08:19 AM

I agree with you being very upset, I know I would be the same! There is no excuse, even if he went to bed early he had time the whole day to at least send you a text. I wouldn't let this one go that easy, I would at least expect him sending flowers , ask for forgiveness, take me out to dinner. My ex boyfriend did the same and I was so upset he organized a surprise birthday party for me a couple of days later... that made me forgive him! ;)

artlady · Feb 11, 2009, 08:30 AM

Boy oh boy does he have a lot of making up to do!

The fact that he is so nonchalant about it would really make me even more hurt.

He needs to know how much he hurt you,that is the only way you will be able to forgive him. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms how he has hurt you and hope that he makes it up to you.

Just for the record,comparing his actions against your x really serves no purpose,it will just make you second guess your own choices.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 11, 2009, 08:38 AM

Well, this brings me to another topic...

Do birthdays really matter that much? Me, personally, I think last year, I completely forgot my own birthday, which is why I don't take any offense if anyone else forgets mine. I DO try remembering other people's birthdays... but to be honest, even if I remember theirs, my work schedule is so hectic that during the day, I forget it, even if I remembered it the day before.

maria16 · Feb 11, 2009, 06:16 PM

How excited people are about birthdays differs from person to person.
But at this point he should know that it's a big deal for you. You should accept the apology... but I definitely agree with not letting it go too easily and seeing if he makes it up to you. Something similar happened to me with an ex, and I accepted it too easily, which set the tone for the rest of the relationship. It wasn't a one-time thing either. He stopped putting effort into making me happy because he realized he didn't have to... and I'm glad to say things are over.
In order that this doesn't happen to you... I think what you did is good. You let him know you were upset. Wait and see if he does anything. I hope he makes it up to you!

neverme · Feb 11, 2009, 06:23 PM

Ah even if there not that special to you, it is the day the world was graced with you presence __ years ago... and it's always nice to have your partner to help you feel this way!

jiltedgirl · Feb 12, 2009, 04:16 AM

If my boyfriend forgot my birthday, I'd be pissed off, especially if he wasn't trying to make it up to me. Your reaction is understandable. Talk to him. In other words, make him work to get back into your good graces.

Romefalls19 · Feb 12, 2009, 06:18 AM

He was wrong, be angry for the time being but don't dwell on it, life is too short.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 05:20 PM

Make him suffer until he makes up for it, as most females do!

Kirai · Mar 3, 2009, 04:47 AM

Threads merged

Has anyone else ever been in one of those relationships where you keep breaking up and then getting back together again? I've done this cycle three times now and I'm currently not with my ex anymore. The last time, I told him that I needed clarification of where we stood and he said let's start dating again. However a week later, I was starting to feel uneasy about our rushed decision to start dating again just because it felt right at the time. So I told him that we shouldn't date anymore. He seemed fine with this, agreed with me and said it's best if he stays single for a while. But I'm starting to think that if I ever asked him to start dating again then he would say yes.

Firstly I don't understand why he seems to always see my point of view and agree to breaking up or getting back together with so much ease.

Secondly, I don't understand myself. Why is it that whenever I'm with him, I feel like the best thing to do is to break up with him because we don't work well together, but when we're apart we start calling and texting each other more than ever, get really close, start missing each other and then I want to get back together with him again.

This cycle is starting to become very frustrating. Every time we break up we seem to become emotionally closer and he'll contact me so much, yet when we're together the frequency of his contact starts to lapse which leaves me feeling unwanted and wanting to break up with him.

Any advice as to what I should do? Also if anyone else has been in this situation, please tell me what you decided to do in the end to break the cycle. Thank you :)

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 3, 2009, 05:27 AM

It simple - you find this cycle frustrating so end it. Relationship should not consist of breaking up then getting back together. Move on, do both of you a favour by stopping this dead end cycle.

wanttobeloved · Mar 3, 2009, 07:16 AM

I've been on a similar rollercoaster that's a little more complicated because we have a daughter for years. We break up but always end up back together. My advice to you is to move on, because it is emotionally draining. Move on and you will save yourself a lot of heart ache and disappointment in the end. I wish I had moved on years ago, now trying to find myself and move on from a man that I have invested so many years in is the hardest most painful thing in the world. Look at the situation honesty, and do what you feel is best for you. Always listen to what yourself is telling you if you fell you need to move on then your probably right. We always know the answer to our own questions sometimes you just need someone else to say it.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Mar 3, 2009, 07:44 AM

Dear Kirai,

I believe what your feeling is fear. You fear that the closer you two get, the possibility of him leaving is to unbearable that you panic and break things. You think that your relationship will get too comfortable.

If you like the guy, then be with him! Don't think about what will happen tomorrow or what happened in the past, just live for today! If things don't end up working out for you two then you know you gave it your best shot, right?

To be honest, I have felt this way about my boyfriend before. I was always afraid that he would get too bored with me and dart for the door. Now I know I was wrong. We have been together for 3 years and it feels great. I feel so relieved that I no longer fear the worst in our relationship. I now look to all the fun I am going to have with him.

Best of luck!

:)

Romefalls19 · Mar 3, 2009, 12:06 PM

Beautful, you steal my heart ha ha
If you want to be with someone, then be with them. Stop worrying about the future or the past, neither are valid in the present. Either be with them or without them. No one likes to be in limbo and waking up every morning thinking "I wonder if today they will break up with me"

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Mar 3, 2009, 12:35 PM

Aw, thanks Romey!

Congrats on your engagement by the way!

De4rest · Mar 3, 2009, 06:24 PM

Yes, I was there and the cycle kept on repeating over and over again. It seemed to me at that time we can work it out etc. but we always end up fighting. So if you realized already that you don't like the situation and how he treats you, then you made the right decision by breaking up with him. The only way to end the cycle is to stick with a decision that you make. Let say, if you think it's best to stay with him then stop breaking up with him. The same with the other decision, if you think it's best to break up, then you have to stop thinking about making up with him etc. One day whether you like it or not, one of you will get tired by doing this. So, decide what you really want, talk to him about it and stick to your decision.

Kirai · Apr 30, 2009, 02:28 AM

Threads merged

My boy is going on holiday to another country this week. His ex lives there and so he's going to stay with her for 2-4 days. They're friends now and they went out together for 10 months 8 years ago. They have been friends for the past 8 years and haven't seen each other since they broke up since they live in separate countries. He says he's not going to do anything with her because she's desperate to get married at the moment and he's scared of the repercussions if they have sex. However I can't help but feel incredibly insecure and jealous because I know he has a high sex drive and he's an attractive guy. Also, he's actually my ex-boyfriend and we have been thinking about starting things up again. We had sex together right before he left so now I'm left feeling like he's my boyfriend.

So from my point of view I'm scared he's going to have sex with her because a) he's technically single despite having had sex with me. b) she's single as well. c) he'll be staying at hers d) she doesn't know about me. He did tell me over and over again quite honestly that he might possibly still be attracted to her after all these years since he did date her at one point but that he wouldn't do anything because he didn't want to have to deal with the after effects and that he didn't want to ruin his chances with me. In my opinion though this just isn't enough reassurance.

So my question is, from a guy's point of view, do you think he will have sex with his ex? What would you do if you were in his situation? I'm so worried right now :( Thank you!

artlady · Apr 30, 2009, 03:17 AM

Speculating about such a thing is really kind of silly because ,what's it going to get you,besides a headache?

However,I asked my 22yr.old son and he said,if she isn't hooked up and he isn't hooked up they will most likely get together because it is easy and familiar.
Also ,if the ex is desperate to get married,she may think this is a good way to get him back.

He also said,it is no big deal and may not mean too much because of the long distance relationship hassles.

I can verify that my son does not have any clairvoyant talents,so clearly this is all just speculation.

chuff · Apr 30, 2009, 03:39 AM

I think if the opportnity comes about it's probably going to happen. His answer wasn't a solid "it's not going to happen" as one would expect. At the same time, I'm not sure what I should believe from you since you start saying my boy then later admit he's not your boy, so until you start approaching this from an area of clear honesty about yourself and your situation, you will just stir the confusion.

cjeep23 · Apr 30, 2009, 04:06 AM

Yes there is about a 99% chance that he is going to have sex with her if he gets the chance. Which by the sounds of it he is staying there, so there is a pretty good chance.

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 04:37 AM

First, all because he left feeling like your boyfriend the fact remains that he isn't. Sometimes sex confusing things but the point is he is an ex not a boyfriend.

With that being said he is free to do what he wants. From the looks of it, it seems like his ex stills like him and being that they haven't seen each other for years things could happen. As long as they are two consenting adults, who really cares.

Try to cause any furtther necessary pain or stress to yourself by worrying about his actions or intentions. The only person you can control is you not him.

Don't have sex with someone and then think "Oh, it felt like we was back together" no the two of you just had sex because you got caught in the moment but it seems like you had a hidden agenda behind it.

With that being said who knows if they are going get wrap in the moment.

It seems like your looking for a boyfriend so maybe you should go out and find one.