[Jentau]

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Our sex life is a major source of frustration for me and it has been since the very beginning. I'm not stupid, I knew he wouldn't change overnight but after 10+ years I'm starting to wonder. It's not all bad, he's always been good with his hands ;) and just in the past couple of months he's gotten very good orally :) so I know he's capable of learning (even if it is slowly :p ) He's lucky or I'm lucky if he lasts 2 minutes :( and that's just not enough time for me, even if I'm primed and ready to go. We've talked about it and have even got some books about things that could help but to no avail. He works a lot and we have 3 kids so he doesn't really have time to practice some of these "techniques" that the books suggest. So I was wondering if there was anything I could do on my part to help him with it or is it just something that he's got to overcome on his own? Is that selfish for me to want amazing sex the regular way? Or should I just be happy I get what I get? (I hope not! )

[DSM521]

I don't think your selfish at all. Has he tried stopping before he has an orgasm. Sometimes it may help for him to stop, and go back to oral and then to change positions.

I don't know if that will help at all. It worked for me in my younger days. After I had my vasectomy it changed how long I could go. I think the most important thing is he is willing to try to make you happy. It must be hard for him as well. He may be thinking he can't please you.

If he is thinking about it too much it may be making it worse.

[Justwantfair]

You could always try a "round two". Have him masterbate or do something together and give him about an hour to recover, that will help him sustain orgasm for longer.

He has to mentally work on sustaining his orgasm, like DSM said, he needs to try stopping it, going more, stopping, it will help him increase his time.

[Choux]

Need facts: How many minutes do you need to orgasm during intercourse??

[chrissymarie]

Tell him to masterbate in the morning so during the day sex can last longer. Also let him take a break if he feels like he's about to ejaculate. I also know about condoms that have some sort of numbing lubrication on them that makes the man less sensitive. Look for them at your local general store.

[smoothy]

Exactly how much time is too much time to practice? More than 10 minutes? Twenty minutes? Is not a good sex life worth finding that time?


Personally, expecting more than 2 minutes is not asking for too much... not in my mind.

[Jentau]

We've tried stopping and starting again and changing positions, I haven't noticed a change yet but I understand that it's a process. Yes I'm extremely happy that he wants to please me and not just all out for himself!

So when you talk about the mental part of it, that's something he's got to figure out in his head right. (hmmm now I DO sound a bit stupid LOL) I mean is he supposed to stop thinking about how good it feels or think about something else?

Hmm... how many minutes. I honestly don't know, but what I do know is that it's just out of reach. And when he's done it's like NOOOOO!! Maybe I was wrong to even put minutes out there, I mean it's insane to put a time on it like "hump me for 3 minutes and i'll have an orgasm everytime" because you don't have sex the same way or with the same passion. All I'm saying is I just need a little more and if I can help him give me that little more it would be awesome

[Justwantfair]

Yes mentally he has to work on it, you can't definately know how close he is, he has to stop himself work on waiting longer.

Try the condoms, try him masterbating.

[Jentau]

Exactly how much time is too much time to practice? More than 10 minutes? twenty minutes? is not a good sex life worth finding that time?


Personally, expecting more than 2 minutes is not asking for too much....not in my mind.

He works mad hours at his business so finding 20 minutes for practicing these things IS difficult, believe it or not. But you're right, we definitely need to find the time somewhere :) It's not that being with him is horrible, it just gets frustrating when you're so close but so far away.

We've tried those condoms before :( He's got a vasectomy so we haven't been using condoms for a few years now but maybe the change back will help him out until he gains more control.

[Donroro80]

This man must hate himself cause I know I do. I will do it more than 3 time in a hour, but I just can stay long. I find this little spray at the adult store, it call (stode 100) I don't know if I spell it correct, but if you ask for it they will know what you want. It would better if he use a condom cause you might get nimb too. He will definitely rock your brain cause I know you should have at least 2 or 3 orgasm. Let me know if you get it or you let me know if I can help by sending you one at a p.o box.

[sylvan_1998]

Same problem but I am right there with you sister. I do not know what has worked or not worked for me and my husband. It is getting better after 13 years.

Surely he has time to Masturbate in the shower in the morning. Also, the more sex we have is the longer he can last.

[smoothy]

The mental part may or may not be so hard... I mean I figured this out all on my own 30 years ago, not from a book, and that was a LONG time before the WWW existed. Instead of focusing on what he is feeling with his dinky, he needs sort of move that thought aside but focus on a more unrelated issue that's going to distract him just enough that the stimulation is just enough he doesn't lose the erection but not so much he's going to erupt in only 2 minutes. Yeah it's a process he has to learn as well as what to think about and how much to achieve the results. That and pacing himself and not going at it like a jackhammer.