[yazzed]

**Edited**
He's never going to be honest with you. Because your are just a person who he haves sex with, to him. The best thing to do is just don't contact him or anything. Or you are going to get hurt

[neverme]

I totally agree with Talinman. Stop having sex and see what's left.

If he really is just there for sex then you'll soon see less of him and if he's not, which sadly is doubtful, then you'll see that too!

Hope it works out for you :)

[Romefalls19]

I have a great rule of thumb to go by with this type of stuff, I shall share it with you

"If you can't open your mouth to them, don't open your legs to them."

[Kirai]

Ok so here's the update. I sent him an email asking him where exactly I stood with him and to be completely honest with me. He called me back and said 'I like you, so let's start dating again'. There was an awkward silence in which I didn't know what to say and found myself mistrusting him. I said I would think about it. Today however, I sent him a sweet email in the morning saying thank you for calling and how nice it was to be honest with each other for once etc. However he didn't reply. A reply wasn't really necessary but I thought after making progress, he should at least reply to me. So I sent him a heated message in which I said he has no respect for me since he didn't reply, he doesn't care about me whatsoever and I accused him of using me for sex. I got a phone call from him a short while later. He seemed quite angry. I said 'Is it true then?' and he said no its not. I like you. But he kept coming up with these crappy phrases like you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink and he said he could convince me as much as he wanted to but I would never believe him. It was my choice to believe him or not. Then he accused me of being mistrustful and making 'false charges' against him. It was so strange, by the end of the conversation I found myself feeling guilty for asking him those questions and apologising to him. He was really exacerbating me though. He kept saying ' what do you want me to say?' and 'theres nothing I can say or do to change your mind'. You're choosing not to believe me. But seriously, in my defence, he has this whole air about him which is mistrustful. I mean he didn't exactly try and convince me that he wasn't using me for sex. He just said I was mistrustful and that if I chose to believe those things then it was my problem. By the end of the conversation, he said there's no way he wanted to ever go back out with me. Am I in the wrong here for accusing him? I seriously don't know what to think anymore.

[kctiger]

No. I think you did what you considered right. Sometimes you have to follow your gut instinct. By the way he reacted, he handled it pretty poorly, even if he was offended. I am not sure this would have gone anywhere had you both started dating again anyway, so better to end it now.

If he truly was offended by this and felt it was all you accusing him, I would think he would do his best to assure you of that and not just throw it back in your face as some trust issue with you. You guys have broken up multiple times, that ain't a recipe for a healthy relationship regardless. Time to cut your ties and move on...

Carry on... :cool:

[Romefalls19]

So let me get this straight, you asked him to make a choice and to let you know where you stood with him, he then asked you back out and you tell him you will have to think about it? If I was a guy and got that answer, I would be heated and offended not to mention question your motives.

[talaniman]

I can see you're the insecure impulsive type aren't you?

Your actions are very confusing.

[Romefalls19]

I'm really quite at a loss as to what she wants from him.

[Kirai]

Maybe I didn't explain it very well but I was annoyed with him because he said 'I like you and want to start dating you again' so casually as if we were debating over whether to have a takeaway for dinner or something. But if we do choose to date again then it will be a long distance relationship as well so I was annoyed that he treated it so lightly without much thought. One of the reasons we originally broke up was because of the distance but this time around he said 'yeah it's fine' even though it was such a major issue to begin with. It left me feeling suspicious.

[LOUNTASH]

I was in similar situation and it was cause he needed his space but when he came to see me we end up in bed. Which meant I didn't no where I stood but if you give him time and space things will sort out eventually.

[talaniman]

Most of your problem has been a lack of communications I feel, and the distance doesn't help that.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Had that fact been included, I am sure that people would have addressed that issue as it's a big one.

Its pretty obvious your afraid to talk with him honestly, and you appear to think just having sex is about love. Its not so either learn each others language, or leave him alone. The confusion comes from not talking and listening.

It has to be frustrating for him, when he does talk, you don't listen, or get mad when he is to casual for your tastes, what's that about?

[LOUNTASH]

I live across the road from him before I let him have space we were practically together 24/7 which caused arguments

[Kirai]

Hey talaniman. I just read that article that you posted... and that's the thing. There won't be an end goal in our relationship. He used to live in my city but he moved to a different city. He's never moving back here probably, I'm never moving to where he lives. Also, I'm only in this country for 2 more years then I'm going back home. He also says he never wants to get married. So actually, saying it like this has made me realise that there's probably no point to this relationship since it's going nowhere. What's the point in even having a long distance relationship if it's not going to result in anything? This is why I was angry with him when he said 'yeah we can start dating again'. He said it so flippantly with no thought at all as to what it would actually be like.
One of the reasons that we don't communicate very well is that although he speaks English fluently, there are still some cultural differences to overcome. It's frowned upon for men to express their emotions in this society and so he rarely ever does it. I think it's reached the point where he's literally incapable of doing so since he's bottled them up for so long. This makes it near on impossible for me to know how he feels about me. I'm not an insecure person however I end up behaving this way when I'm with him because I never know what his feelings are.

[LOUNTASH]

In fact I do listen to him we do talk to each other and we know when each other is upset

[talaniman]

I think your right Kia, he isn't the one for you. You knew that though. Besides the sex, he doesn't sound like fun and given the situation, it doesn't seem like fun, so your right, leave him alone, and save the drama and confusion and make sure your enjoying yourself.

You don't need the title of relationship for that do you??

[Kirai]

I don't really know why but I completely changed my mind and thought right I want to give this relationship one last shot. The romantic in me came out and I thought well we've been this far together and we can't seem to leave each other alone despite the distance so maybe it could work if we let it. I wanted to give it my best. He seemed to want to start dating again so I thought I'd give us a chance. However I said I would need time to make my decision about whether to date him or not. He said OK take your time. It's been a few days now and things were going really well at first. Like when we were arguing he called me four times in the space of 5 days which is rare for him because he doesn't strike me as a big phone person but it seemed like he was making a big effort to get things straightened out. However today he went to the doctors with an injury. He said he was going to tell me when he got the diagnosis. This was at 8 in the morning. The whole day passed and I still didn't receive a text from him telling me what his injury was. I texted him but still no reply. I'm sitting here kind of angry with him because if we ever want to make this long distance relationship work then he needs to communicate with me. I want to know how he is and I'm worried about him. I know we're not technically dating at the moment but I just can't help but feel that maybe he doesn't care about me if he's not texting me. If boys like a girl then they want to text/call them a lot right? It's heart-breaking that he just doesn't seem to be making an effort. Do you reckon that he's not interested or that he's just a bad communicator? If he wasn't interested then he wouldn't suggest dating again in the first place would he? I'm not sure anymore. Sorry for keep posting about this. I'm sure this mess will come to an end soon enough. It's going to reach make or break point.

[talaniman]

You should recognize that a lot of this emotional yoyoing is from you. Not having patience leads us humans to presume, and assume, and go off on all kinds of mental directions.

We always think the worst, and take it personally. You said you would try again, but falling back into bad habits is not trying again, its repeating old behaviors that broke this up in the first place. Reread that link again, you missed something.

It's a big red flag that someone has to always prove themselves to a partner. So I guess you should let him know how you feel when he doesn't call, and makes your mind, and emotions wander like that.

Sometime we just have to wait, and not take it personally. Just because you feel he should be texting, doesn't mean he feels the same.

These are things you talk about, and listen to his side and resolve together, or else your wasting your time.

[Kirai]

Threads merged


My boyfriend wanted me to go up to visit him to celebrate my birthday and he kept calling me birthday girl in the run up to my birthday etc. However when my birthday came I waited eagerly to hear from him the whole day. When he didn't text I just thought oh he must be busy at work and he'll call me later. But in the end I didn't hear from him at all on my birthday. The next morning he texted me a normal text saying what's up etc. I sent him a text back saying I couldn't believe him. He said what's wrong? I said you forgot my birthday. He said well I do know that it's your birthday and that's why you're coming to visit me to celebrate except I forgot to send you a text yesterday so I'm sorry. He said it as if he was apologising for leaving the milk out of the fridge or something. I said you don't seem to quite understand. I was waiting to hear from you the whole day and was extremely hurt when I realised you'd forgotten. He said I'm sorry I went to bed very early. He said he would call me. I said I was too angry and he said OK I won't bother you then. I really can't understand him. If this had been my ex boyfriend then he would have been absolutely mortified if he'd forgotten my birthday and would've called me profusely apologising. My current boyfriend however made it seem like it wasn't a big deal and just sent me a text saying sorry but he went to bed early. Am I overreacting or is this rude? It really hurt when he didn't contact me. He's supposed to be the one person I can rely on to remember my birthday above everyone else. It made me feel like he just didn't care about me when he forgot. What do you think? What would you do in this situation?

[ISneezeFunny]

This is coming from a guy that has been in your boyfriend's shoes.

I didn't completely forget my past girlfriend's birthday, (we're broken up now), but we celebrated it a week early because I had to go out of town on her birthday, and on her actual birthday, I completely forgot because I was working constantly... until about 3am.

I have no excuses, I did forget as I was working all day and all night... finally, I called around 3am, and I profusely apologized, but she was angry as well.

Really, it was a mistake on my part, there's no doubting that.

To be honest, he's apologetic, and it's not that he COMPLETELY forgot the birthday, as he knew it was your birthday, so I suggest you stay mad a little bit, perhaps get him to make it up to you a bit, and then let it go. There's another birthday coming up sometime next year, right?

[Dare81]

I had a hard time keeping track of my ex's birthday too. I know it was in the end of October ,but when in October I had no idea.
As sneezy said stay mad for a little bit and have him make it up.