[jbrown5390]

My GF and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years. For the past 4 or 5 months we've been in a long distance relationship. It was hard at first but we've grown use to it and our relationship was as good as ever. We are so happy together and we have always known we are perfect for each other. We've talked about marriage and kids and we pretty much have our life planned out. We're both in college and have majors we like. We have our fights or arguments like any other couple but nothing too serious or excessive. Her parents love me and have even hinted at me being part of their family some day. I go down to see her every 2 or 3 weeks and I stay the weekend with her every time. I went down this past weekend and something was wrong with her. She said she wants to take a break because she's feeling overwhelmed with school, and community service, and her job. Plus her and her best friend got into a huge fight where they were no longer friends (though they made up are are friends again) And she's been very irritated lately. She told me sometimes she feels like she's not in love with me anymore (mainly when she gets mad or frustrated with me) and she wants some time to figure everything out. She still loves me and she misses me though. She wants space. She doesn't want to see other people and she still considers herself "mine" She told me I have to trust her with this and believe in her so I told her I will. I just need to know how much I should try to talk to her? And how I can deal with all this? It feels like Im locked out of her life because Im giving her space and I don't know what's going on with her. This is only the 2nd day of the break and it's the hardest thing Ive ever done. Ive often read that a little space can make a couple's love for each other stronger. Where do you guys see this going?

[ImTotallyLost]

Ah, the distance...

About giving her the space she wants, I know (and trust me, I KNOW) how hard this will be but, to quote kctiger, you have to man up and just don't go after her. She'll contact you when she needs...

The problem you'll face right now is that you don't know what's going on with her life and you have no way of knowing. That puts you in a very uncomfortable spot. Since she told you she's yours and it has nothing to do with you, if you have no reasons to mistrust her, then I suggest to just occupy yourself with other things and try not to think about it.

But this is hard on you and you shouldn't allow her to abuse your patience. So if it reaches a point where you feel you can't take it anymore, tell her that you'd rather break up. It might put a bit of unnecessary pressure on her, but if reaches a point that you can't handle, than, you shouldn't have to. Relationships aren't fun all the time, but they shouldn't be a burden for too long either!

[Romefalls19]

She wants space, then give it to her. Don't contact her at all, when she wants to talk she will let you know

[jmw0713]

I agree with ITL. You have to give her what she wants. If she insists that she wants to work through this with you than fine. Setup a definded date for the break to end. Don't wait for her forever.

I hate to tell you though, that most of the time when they hint at a change of feelings or they want space when they are already far away from you, doesn't bode well for you.

The only thing you can do is respect her request, get busy doing your own thing, and try not to worry about her. Worry about you.

BTW, just another word of advice... I would proceed with this whole thing as if it were a break up. This will prepare you for any imminent bombs that she may drop about where you stand.

[jbrown5390]

I agree with ITL. You have to give her what she wants. If she insists that she wants to work through this with you than fine. Setup a definded date for the break to end. Don't wait for her forever.

I hate to tell you though, that most of the time when they hint at a change of feelings or they want space when they are already far away from you, doesn't bode well for you.

The only thing you can do is respect her request, get busy doing your own thing, and try not to worry about her. Worry about you.

BTW, just another word of advice...I would proceed with this whole thing as if it were a break up. This will prepare you for any imminent bombs that she may drop about where you stand.

I know she's not far away from me emotionally though. I mean she was home for Christmas break just 2 weeks ago and everything was just as amazing as normal

[Romefalls19]

I know she's not far away from me emotionally though. I mean she was home for Christmas break just 2 weeks ago and everything was just as amazing as normal

Read half of the "she wants a break" posts and you will see that's how they all started. Then once she finally ends it, they have hindsight of all the warning signs

[jbrown5390]

I guess all I can do is wait and try not to go crazy with not knowing what's going on in her life.

[kctiger]

"She wants a break...er...up!!!"

At the end of every "break" usually sits an "up" my friend. Leave her alone, as you cannot change her mind...

Good luck!

[ImTotallyLost]

I guess all I can do is wait and try not to go crazy with not knowing whats going on in her life.

Yes. And that will be hard as hell! Think of this as time to focus on all the rest of the stuff you have going on your life. You need to be as independent as you can from her right now.

[jbrown5390]

Thanks everyone

[kctiger]

Have you read up on the "Break" threads started on here? That may give you some perspective, although a slight hint of the perhaps ugly reality of the situation...

[talaniman]

The other posters are so dead on from their own experience, that I can only agree with them.

Give her what she wants, and just enjoy your life, without her in it.

[moonbounce7]

I was in an incredibly similar situation a couple years ago, and I was the girl asking for the break. My boyfriend and I had talked about a future together, but he was older (going to graduate college, and I was a freshman in college).

I asked for a break, and really, I knew that I wanted to break up. In my opinion, that's what "breaks" usually are. When you've dated someone for so long, it's hard to use the word "break up." I hate to be a downer :-(

Has she recently acquired all these new stresses in her life - the job, school, and community service? If these responsibilities are new, then maybe she does need a break to get a handle on everything. But if she's been dealing with them all along and been seemingly fine, I think that asking for this "break" is a bad sign.

DO give her space. DON'T disappear off the face of the earth though. Try to check in every once in a while, and ask how everything's going, to show her you still care about her. Try to do a very occasional sweet thing, like if you know she has a big event coming up, wish her well beforehand. Make sure it's limited contact though. Basically, give her little reminders that you're still thinking about her, even though you're not talking as much as you used to.

[zeeniee]

I agree with all the advice given above, give her all the space that she needs.

Best way is to go NC as this will allow you to see the situation clearer with time.

You should now channel all your energy on You and do what you have to do to make you and your life happy

[grindin]

Just ask her straight up. If she thought about leaving you before but didn't want to because she was afraid that she was going to hurt you?(most likely true) didn't have any feelings for you any more and why? (closure) and be the better person and show her that you do understand. But after all this make sure you leave her alone and never contact her again. If so does care and still love you she will come back. But don't wait for her at all. Think of this as a good thing because it will be hard now but later you'll be much better.

[infamuzblayze]

I guess all I can do is wait and try not to go crazy with not knowing whats going on in her life.

Dude same happened to me I don't know I guess ima follow their advice it's the same with me long dist

[infamuzblayze]

hmmm that makes me think if she really wanted to break up wait nvm lol we are broke up but wre not messin with anyone else I just been tryna talk to all my home girls about the situation they know what's best my girlfriend she doesn't want me to talk about our relationship problems but she wants me to talk about other things umm can I say? Because its like dead because there's nothing to talk about except small talk but if we were fully together we'd be talking we've been arguing for like three weeks because I just want her to listen and she can't deal with the relationship problems because she's got so many right now though. Sucks but I will give her time its very hard =\ especially when our 8 month anniversary is on the 11th and v day =/ she says she loves me and she says if she doesn't get her space that would push her away from me so I don't know to do I got to man up and do what I got to do what do you have to say:(:confused:

i was in an incredibly similar situation a couple years ago, and i was the girl asking for the break. my bf and i had talked about a future together, but he was older (going to graduate college, and i was a freshman in college).

i asked for a break, and really, i knew that i wanted to break up. in my opinion, that's what "breaks" usually are. when you've dated someone for so long, it's hard to use the word "break up." i hate to be a downer :-(

has she recently acquired all these new stresses in her life - the job, school, and community service? if these responsibilities are new, then maybe she does need a break to get a handle on everything. but if she's been dealing with them all along and been seemingly fine, i think that asking for this "break" is a bad sign.

DO give her space. DON'T disappear off the face of the earth though. try to check in every once in a while, and ask how everything's going, to show her you still care about her. try to do a very occasional sweet thing, like if you know she has a big event coming up, wish her well beforehand. make sure it's limited contact though. basically, give her little reminders that you're still thinking about her, even though you're not talking as much as you used to.

[ardahk]

Man up, get busy and do not contact - just little things here and there.

Asking for a break is never ever a good thing - in a relationship its usually the other half that helps you get through the stresses you have not the one that adds, so the fact that she has asked for a break means more than just normal stresses. She's just not that into it anymore and its hard for her to let go.

The quicker you come to this conclusion the easier it will be for you when and if you guys don't stop your break and get back together (majority of the time couples don't get back together and if they do it only ever last a short time).

Let it go, try not to think about it, keep busy, do what you would do without her and continue doing it. Calling her for small talk doesn't change anything.

Little things here and there and if you get fed up with it set it straight like a man

[infamuzblayze]

Man up, get busy and do not contact - just little things here and there.

Asking for a break is never ever a good thing - in a relationship its usually the other half that helps you get through the stresses you have not the one that adds, so the fact that she has asked for a break means more than just normal stresses. Shes just not that into it anymore and its hard for her to let go.

The quicker you come to this conclusion the easier it will be for you when and if you guys dont stop your break and get back together (majority of the time couples dont get back together and if they do it only ever last a short time).

Let it go, try not to think about it, keep busy, do what you would do without her and continue doing it. Calling her for small talk doesnt change anything.

Little things here and there and if you get fed up with it set it straight like a man

Yea a thing is she's willing to work it out she's heavily stressed about other things she had an anxiety attack so you know how hard it would be just to talk something out at this time I can't say exactly anything so you know but she so willing to work it out that's the thing she doesn't want to be stressed she was like I want to talk about our problems when I'm strong enough

[jmw0713]

Infamuzblayze, I suggest starting your own thread so we can see the whole picture.