[Why Am I Here]

Disclaimer: I tried to search for this question to see if anyone has done it yet... I apologize if it has been asked already but I really would like the help.

Me in a nut shell: 22, mother, college student, fell out of love, relationship ended and want to date again.

There's a guy that I have a few classes with and we have become somewhat close, but by close I mean as friends. We get lunch together sometimes or just little "friend" things, like he's had to run errands between two classes we have together and invited me to tag along. We picked up lunch and went to his apartment and hung out and watched TV. Nothing special.

I know that I have a crush on him because I want to be closer to him, I have dreams at night that we are together (not sexually), or sometimes I daydream. For instance when we hung out at his apartment he was on the bed and I was on the couch and every time we made eye contact I wished I was closer to him.

He's about 5 years older than me but I'm not sure that age matters. Maybe it's that fact that I have a child that matters, except he's talked to me once about him dating a woman with a child. That is another thing, he talks to me about dates he goes on and things like that. <--- This is that big thing that sets off that alarm that we are just friends and nothing more.

So should I just lay off and leave better off alone being just friends?

[talaniman]

You sound like you have the crush, and he sees you as a friend. Can you handle friends? If not, back off, and be less available, and do other things with other people.

[ardahk]

Tal has a point but at the same time maybe he is telling you stuff like that to gauge your reaction, see if maybe you do like him because he likes you?

No way to know how a girl feels about you then tell her you had a date with bla bla - jealousy is a b*tch. I wouldn't back off just yet but I wouldn't make a move either.

Try and do different things than just errands before class etc. Maybe a cinema, move night at his, coffees, drinks.. The more you do the more you will be able to see how he feels.

Scope it out for a while, you like him that's no doubt, but you also like being friends with him so just see how it goes for the moment. If things take a turn for the worse (he gets a girlfriend) I would advise backing off completely and if being friends is too hard then so be it.

Just a note - most relationships usually start with friendship.

[artlady]

Friends is a great way to begin any relationship but people rarely do it these days.
Stick with the friendship and allow that to blossom,one can never have enough friends right?
He may be thinking the same way,afraid to approach you.
Give it time ,as you get closer you will be able to feel more comfortable and eventually you may find the time is ripe to pop the question of going further.

[talaniman]

Friends is a perfect way to get to know someone. Most people want an instant relationship when they first meet, and when the crush, or lust, or whatever fades, there is nothing left but to do what you should have done in the first place, get to know each other.

By that time, its to late to have fun dating, as you do get to know each other.

[Why Am I Here]

Ardahk, I thought your answer was awesome. I'm not necessarily the jealous person. I try to be calm, cool and collected when he talks about his dates, just as if he would be telling one of his guy friends. It doesn't bother me because 1) we aren't together and 2) he may/may not be interested so better off just not sweating it.

I think I will let it ride a little and see where the flow takes us (if it takes us anywhere at all). I believe in platonic friendships and have plenty of those but I'm almost getting tired of just being one of the guys (my degree is in a predominantly male field). However, I am perfectly fine with just being friends with a guy. God only knows I'm a professional GIRL friend (not girlfriend) by now. All the guys around me seek me out for the girlfriend/dating advice for one reason or another. I do love helping them but sometimes I think that's all I'm good for.

Thanks to all of you for your help. Please keep coming with the great advice.

[Why Am I Here]

Scope it out for a while, you like him thats no doubt, but you also like being friends with him so just see how it goes for the moment. If things take a turn for the worse (he gets a girlfriend) I would advise backing off completely and if being friends is too hard then so be it.

I'm constantly thinking about this guy. Would it be to forward if I tell him how I feel? Could I be risking my friendship by spilling my feelings? I know I said I would just let it ride but I don't know, something keeps telling me I should just be honest.

[ardahk]

Try hard not to fall into the friends only zone, do not act with him exactly how you act with all your friends because that will lead to it being awkward when and if something happens between you two. When he talks about his dates, make it short and simple - you don't want him to constantly come back to you about how his dates went and what he should do etc. Im not 100% sure why he brings up his dates with you, could be to see how you feel or maybe he just talks to everyone about them.. I am not sure but the more you sit there with him and talk to him about his dates, the more of a friend you will become and the more you two becoming an item will appear strange. Be cautious!

When talking, do a little innocent flirting. Do yourself up a little more than usual, it makes a big difference to us guys - some of us are fools and do not see what is right in front of us and often need that little push from you ladies.

I personally love girls who are forward and say how they feel, show amazing guts and really shows that you are not up for games etc. Down to earth, simple and effective. If you are ready for the answer, be it good or bad, then yes you have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel. But what I would say is do not come on too strong otherwise you will actually scare him.

Think about yourself in this situation and only yourself. I know you are constantly thinking about this guy, and I am sure you are dying for your answer but I would advise against making a move right now because you can wait and continuing to be 'friends' strengthens the base for a possible relationship in the future.

If he doesn't feel the same way you do, then it could possibly ruin the relationship depending on how the both for you react to it. It may become awkward, and seeing from your posts you do not strike me as the person who could just shrug off him not feeling the same with a laugh and continue to be how you are with him now.

I can't tell you what to do because I really don't know the guy to get a feeling of how he is feeling but I am a big fan of being forward and honest but more so if it is done in a controlled manner where you don't put yourself out there completely on a whim - I know you have come close as friends etc but there are many guys who would take advantage of you and probably tell you what you wanted to hear just to get you in bed (even though that is not on your agenda)

Be more forward than you have been, give him sublte signs and seeing as he has gone on dates he should be able to recognise them. Expand the things you do with him, do not make them just time fillers in between lectures or a lunch break between class. Actively make plans where they aren't just there out of convenience and a conscious effort has to be made to see each other. At least then you will know that he is willing to put effort in to see you - I think by doing things like this you will find out if he likes you and more importantly if he likes you the way the same way YOU LIKE HIM AND WANT HIM TO LIKE YOU.

[talaniman]

something keeps telling me I should just be honest.

While I would agree with you, I can understand your fear of losing the friendship and you don't want that, do you? At some point you will have to balance that dilemma with the changes it may cause, so for now, step back and be very sure of your own feelings, before committing to a course.

I know too many times we cross that line between friends, and get burned as some crushes, and attraction, are there just because we are around someone a lot, especially friends we already like, and trust. They fade after a while, or when something else gets our attention.

That's why before you take action, see if what your feeling is real, and worth the risk of taking a chance. You do that by backing away, and taking at real hard look at yourself, with out him influencing you.

Then you'll know what you do about whatever feelings you have.

[Why Am I Here]

When talking, do a little innocent flirting. Do yourself up a little more than usual, it makes a big difference to us guys - some of us are fools and do not see what is right infront of us and often need that little push from you ladies.

I personally love girls who are forward and say how they feel, show amazing guts and really shows that you are not up for games etc. Down to earth, simple and effective. If you are ready for the answer, be it good or bad, then yes you have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel. But what I would say is do not come on too strong otherwise you will actually scare him.

I do try to flirt with him a little but not so much to make it awkward between us. Funny thing that you say to make myself up a little more, last week, because of a thing I volunteered for, I ended up going to class all done up. Well, we were sitting with a couple of our friends and they were saying that I looked really nice etc. He was actually the first person to say that he thinks I look better naturally. Putting on make up and dressing up is way out of my element. I'm somewhat of a tom-boy but when I do dress up I am EXTRA feminine.

That was completely a turn on for me because if a man likes the way I look without makeup, it means that he can see passed all the glamorous hype. As much as I hate to wear makeup, a man has to like me a certain way because that's me, it's comfortable, and I don't want to change who I am for anyone.

I do think I'm going to let my feelings for him fade out because now his woman excursions have somewhat pushed me away and I don't want to lose his friendship. Thank you for your help all of you and ardahk thanks for all the time and thought you've put into this.