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New Member
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Feb 8, 2009, 02:36 AM
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Distance after casual sex?
One of my friends and I hooked up when we both had too much to drink. At the time I didn't think anything of it, kind of like a "Oops, that was dumb but not too bad because I don't really want anything meaningful right now." I assumed he felt the same.
Afterwards, things were mostly normal between him and I, but he was starting to make me nervous by acting a lot different then he normally does, like calling just to talk (we usually don't talk on the phone that much, just hang out) Then he tried to kiss me on New Years, and kind of just gave off a completely different vibe then I was feeling. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I tried to not return his affections. After him acting all in like with me and scaring the poop out of me, he finally says that he's not looking for a relationship much to my relief, and I tell him about how I was in the same boat. And here is where I made a mistake by actually taking a man and what he says to heart, we had sex again (mistake), because I figured it was no strings.
Well since that night, he has been a complete 180. He actively avoided me for three weeks, which really irritated me and confused me, because here I was thinking that at least as a friend he could spare me some decency and be honest. Then out of blue, after obviously treating me horribly (saying mean things, lying to our mutual best friend about me, ignoring my phone calls) he has the audacity to call me, ask me to come over (mind you it is four o clock in the morning), get very upset with me when I say no, Refuses to accept no for an answer, Threatens to call me every hour until I said yes, then gets super angry and tells me that I value my schedule and my needs over his friendship after I told him I was going to bed, then proceeded to hang up on me. Today he showed up at my best friend's house (who is also his best friend) and acted hunky dory like nothing ever happened.
After the whole phone call, I feel really upset that he could so blatantly disrespect me, then not even bat an eyelash after doing so. He's never treated me poorly before, and we have been platonic friends for about three years now. Before we hooked up, he always was trying to get in my pants, so I don't know if that constitutes as platonic if he's told me before that he is attracted to me. I know that I definitely should not have had sex with him again that night, but it's in the past. So now I need to gather myself respect (I'm really trying to preserve it here because I feel really dirty and used) by putting distance between himself and I. Does anyone know how I should approach the situation? Should I talk to him about his behavior? Or should I ignore it? I feel bad that I have to resort to an internet site for advice once again, but I feel awfully censored when I talk to my best friend who knows him so well because I feel she is obligated to protect him also. I would ask someone their opinion of his behavior, but now after seeing his actions written down, I really don't care.
Is it wrong of me to want to end a friendship over this? Or is this my fault?
I'm so confused. Help me please... :(
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Expert
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Feb 8, 2009, 09:50 AM
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Sex changes things, and as you can see, he is not your friend, so deal with reality, and leave him, and his behavior alone.
You need a wider circle of friends. You also left out of the original post, how he has been chasing you, and need to examine why you encouraged him.
Recognize you played a good part in this situation, and move on by removing yourself, and working on your own behavior.
And here is where I made a mistake by actually taking a man and what he says to heart, we had sex again (mistake), because I figured it was no strings.
"Oops, that was dumb but not too bad because I don't really want anything meaningful right now." I assumed he felt the same.
Talaniman Rule- Never assume how someone thinks, or feels. Just ask before you screw up!!
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New Member
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Feb 8, 2009, 11:06 AM
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What do you mean by remove myself?
If I examine my behavior, I feel like I encouraged the behavior by not being firm enough in my rejections to his advances, I supposed. Whenever he did it I would laugh at him WHILE I was saying no, so maybe he never assumed I was serious?
Also, I do have more friends, but we share one of my really good friends, so I suppose I'll just be seeing her less. No?
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Expert
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Feb 8, 2009, 11:15 AM
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Backtoyoubabe0715;1535735, What do you mean by remove myself?
Leave him alone and limit contact to any who are listening to him, that includes your friend if necessary.
If I examine my behavior, I feel like I encouraged the behavior by not being firm enough in my rejections to his advances, I supposed. Whenever he did it I would laugh at him WHILE I was saying no, so maybe he never assumed I was serious?
You had sex with him twice, that's the message he got despite your other rejections.
Also, I do have more friends, but we share one of my really good friends, so I suppose I'll just be seeing her less. No?
Hey if she is on both your sides, then she talks to you both, so what do you expect from her. Yes she needs to be out of your business just because she is an indirect link back to him.
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Junior Member
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Feb 9, 2009, 07:31 AM
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First off, this guy sounds like a jerk but then again sounds like just about 80% of the guys out there...
He doesn't sound like good news and it is clear that he says you as a booty call. Yes, you didn't help the situation especiallya fter sleeping with him for the second time but that is done now and you have seen how he really is.
Sorry to put it bluntly but it sounds like he has gotten what he wants from you and only calls when he wants it again.
Are you two really close as friends?
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