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Babyboy8983 · Jan 31, 2009, 02:37 AM

OK so here it is, I've known this girl for almost 2 years now and I started liking her about 2 weeks after we first met, the only thing is, she has a boyfriend, usually if a girl I liked had a boyfriend I would just back off.. but the guy she is dating is such an to her and me and him have been in many fist fights, he has jerked her up by her hair and called her names like and whore n like that, he don't let her have any friends at all, he is a major druggie, but anyway.. me and her have been talking lately and I can tell she's into me because she told me she was, but she don't want to break up with her boyfriend because she says she loves him.. I'm not really sure how she can love someone that is so mean to her... I hate seeing her getting hurt.. she already has some bad health problems... and I don't know how to convince her that she deserves better than that..

Clough · Jan 31, 2009, 02:51 AM

Hi, Babyboy8983!

Maybe, if you keep doing nice things for her, she'll eventually "see the light". If I were in her shoes, I would certainly like to be with the person who treated me the best.

How and why do you find it necessary for you to be getting into fist fights with him, please?

Thanks!

roxypox · Jan 31, 2009, 07:03 AM

It really does sound like she is in a really bad relationship, and If you keep being there for her and treat her the way she ought to be treated, then hopefully she will see that she shouldn't allow someone to treat her like trash, but remember she might be scared to leave him... so she's going to need a lot of back up and a lot of encouragement.

Romefalls19 · Jan 31, 2009, 09:05 AM

Under normal circumstances, I would say stay out because she has a boyfriend. But she does sound like she is in an unhealthy relationship so just continue being the friend for her. She needs that more than any other confusion in her life.

talaniman · Jan 31, 2009, 10:27 AM

She just needs a friend, not a relationship. If you can't put your wants, and needs aside, and be that friend, LEAVE HER ALONE.

sully123 · Jan 31, 2009, 10:38 AM

I agree with Tal, just be her friend, and maybe she will get out of that unhealthy relationship.

Babyboy8983 · Feb 2, 2009, 12:02 AM

Clough-me and him got into fist fights because I don't like it when guys disrespect women much less snatch them up by there hair and start yelling into there ear, that just don't fly with me

All others- I know she just needs a friend.. I told her id always be her friend no matter what, she's one of the closest people to me right now, the only thing is, her boyfriend called me up today and was like, stay away from my girl, just get out of her life before you get her hurt.. I mean does that mean.. he sounds like if I don't stay away from her he's going to hurt her more.. I don't want to get her hurt.. but I can't leave because I promised her id always be there for her... so I have no clue wth to do any more

talaniman · Feb 2, 2009, 05:03 AM

One of the things about being a friend to an abused person, is the level of frustration you will have to cope with. Maybe you can't see it now, but you'll never understand her thinking in staying with the brute, nor will she ever see the real danger she is in.

In being a friend, sometimes you will never know what to do until you realize that all you can do is tell her to leave, or find a shelter where she can get help.

She needs a lot of help my friend, and you may not be that help. She will have to make up her own mind to leave or not, and even when she does, she will be a long time in healing.