[Noodles15]

When my boyfriend and I were broken, I became friends with two people that I felt are the first real friends I've ever had. Now, the problem is, I've always gotten along better with guys and these two people happen to be guys. I know nothing would ever happen, there was 6 months of me being single in which stuff had the opportunity to happy, but I'm certain that both the guys and I feel nothing but friendship for each other.

Since my boyfriend and I have gotten back together I've eased away from these guys. Clearly things can't be how they were before. I would never stand for my boyfriend hanging out alone in a girl's room, and I'm not going to do something like that with a guy. The problem is, this two guys, our friendships existed solely between the two of us, I don't have a larger group amongst which I could find time to hang out with these friends.

I've told my boyfriend I'd like for him to hang out with me and either of the friends, but he said it would make him feel uncomfortable, like HE was the third wheel and not the friend. He has expressed jealously and ill-feelings towards my friends since I broke up with him and turned to these two guys for help through a hard time. The thing is, when I'm out of the picture, he knows both of these guys and calls them friends.

I understand my boyfriend doesn't trust the situation, and honestly, I wouldn't want him hanging out with a girl alone unless it was a girl that I knew respected our relationship and that I trusted her intentions towards him.

I want to keep things good with my boyfriend, we're trying to work through some tough stuff, but I also have noticed the friends feelings getting hurt because they feel like I'm choosing this relationship over them, and I don't want to lose my friendships

Any suggestions?

[talaniman]

Sorry, pushing your boyfriend into something uncomfortable, is not a good thing, and your friends should respect that.

Yes, and balance is important, but the biggest issues are his jealousy, and distrust of his friends, now that a real red flag.

That's what needs to be discussed by you. Until then, be careful what you force him to accept.

He sounds like the kind of guy that can't deal with you hanging with guys, but girls are okay in his mind.

Still, whatever his reasons, he has issues that you should be very aware of. If he wont change or compromise, can you deal with it??

[Noodles15]

I'm not forcing him into, he said he wasn't comfortable and I've hardly mentioned the issue since then. The thing is a large part of our relationship hings on me being friends with his friends, and I think it should work both ways.

I think he feels like if these guys were really his friends then they wouldn't have hung out with me when he and I were broken up, but honestly both of them met me after my boyfriend and I broke up and neither of them knew that he and I were together until after we had started being friends.

One of them made a huge effort to let my boyfriend know that he had become friends with me but it was only that and that both friendships meant a lot to him and my boyfriend speaks the worst of him, because he felt like the guy cared more about being friends with me even though my boyfriend had known him longer. But, I put more effort into the friendship with this guy than my boyfriend had in the whole time he had known him, so it was natural that he would spend more time with me when I was investing more into the friendship, you know? Now though, I've had to seriously back off from my friendship with this guy because of getting back together with my boyfriend, to the point where the friend is angry at me, but he's still "friends" with my boyfriend and they text each other and stuff even though my boyfriend says such horrible stuff about him to me.

I'm really lost in this situation, I tried sending the friend a message(he wouldn't answer a call) apologizing for being distant but telling him that his friendship was very important and he never responded and when I tried talking to him when he was online today he never responded.

The other guy I became good friends with has been very understanding and told me he knows I'm under a lot of stress and isn't getting offended and he's there if I need him. So, that's fine for now, but I don't want things to stay the way there are.

Sorry, I know this is confusing with the three guys and all so if it doesn't make sense in parts please just point it out and I'll clarify.

[talaniman]

The thing is a large part of our relationship hings on me being friends with his friends, and I think it should work both ways.

Then your relationship will never work, as it takes agreed upon boundaries and priorities as well as clear honest communication for this to work. Not one side being confused or controlling.

[Noodles15]

So, the one friend has been flat out ignoring me, and now my boyfriend for sure thinks that he must have liked me because of the way he's acting now, and I really can't argue with that. It just really hurts cause I thought this guy was my real friend but now he won't talk to me even though I've been reaching out and trying to make things right.

What do you think would be right to do in the friends' eyes?

[talaniman]

Get your own friends, as its very uncomfortable to be caught between people you know.

I think that's what he feels, divided loyalty, very uncomfortable.

Its not fair of you to ask them to make a choice.

[Noodles15]

Ask them to make a choice? He was perfectly find being my friend with the boyfriend and I were broken up, but not that my boyfriend and I are back together he won't talk to me. He does still talk to my boyfriend occasionally though.

[talaniman]

Then you must respect his choice.