[chris36]

Hi.I am a very, caring, loving genuine guy 36. Great personality, sense of humour & I have always found it easy to meet people & become friends as I see the good in everyone & my friends & I have a lot in common. Just recently a female friend & I of 4 years, had an argument due to a lot of stress I was experiencing in my personal life. Now to end the friendship she has taken out an Intervention order to keep me away from being friends anymore? Next my good friend, male of 2 years, was visiting the city where I live recently. He was so busy in a week, apparently, & he couldn't catch up with me? When I confronted him, he sent the longest email outlining every fault & hurtful remarks he could think of & thus really hurting me? I don't know why I am losing friends it seems? I am a caring guy with a lot to give to my friends, but suddenly I feel I don't want to get close or trust anyone anymore cause I keep getting hurt? Am I attracting this for some reason or simply the universe way of telling me to move on from these friends? Any advice would be really appreciated..

[talaniman]

Not everyone you meet is your friend, accept that and stop the confrontations and learn to say 'oh well' and move on. Learn the difference between real friends and acquaintances.

[valinors_sorrow]

I have also experienced loss of friendships in ways that used to confound me. In looking back, I have come to realise that I tend to see the world as it is and that I feel okay about sorting out anything that has gone awry, whether its me or them. Sadly, this tends to set me apart from most of the people I meet who seem in a sort of denial about things and really unable to negotiate very well when something goes wrong. I eventually learned where my sort hang out and to cultivate friendships with more awareness. You might need to do something similar-- just a few thoughts I hope are helpful.

[Bluerose]

You may well be doing something that you are unaware of. Perhaps you inadvertently insulted or upset someone and the word has got around. This probably goes without saying but look also to personal hygiene; body order or bad breath. Some people find it very difficult to tell us about these things and instead begin to distance themselves from us. Having said that, why don't you ask for a meeting with one or two of these friends, let them know that you are at a lost to know what you did or said to end up with the feeling that some people have started to avoid you. Be honest and open and willing to apologise for any confusion or upset you may have caused.

[kay13]

I have a friend who would describe herself similarly to how you described yourself, but she can be very blunt and to the point, hurting others feelings when there is no need.

We are all different, I tend to say nothing at all if I can't say anything nice, but she's still my friend and I accept our differences. You have a couple of choices here. Take a good honest look at yourself and see if there is anything you don't like that you could improve or get new friends who like you for being you.

[Allheart]

Hi Chris,

Boy are you having a tough time of it. First, what is an intervention order? Not sure what that is. Does that mean you are forbidden to contact her? Where you contacting her in a way that she viewed it as harassment? I am just asking, surely not suggesting. I just never head of that type of order.

As far as all the rest, I am sorry you are going through all this, wondering if friends truly ever were friends, been there... done that.

Please don't be so down on yourself. I am sure we all have chosen and enjoyed what we thought were friendships, and perhaps they were, for that time. I do understand the hurt and disallusionment you speak of when friends don't seem to behaving as such. Boy, once again, Tal is right on the money, to quote him" not everyone we meet is our friend". If that sentiment could be conquered, sure would save a lot of hurt feelings.

Hang in there, and when I would get a bit down about not understanding friends motives, I would just spend sometime alone and do some deep soul searching. It helps to heal and also to gain understanding, acceptance and insight in to perhaps why things didn't go as planned.

I sure hope some of this helps.

[rkim291968]

As much as you care about your friends, you may be demanding the same friendship from them. This can turn away your weaker friends. For example, if a friend could not see you, you don't "confront" him for that. If you are a true friend, you would find a way to understand or just say goodbye.

Also, consider your post. You say a lot of good things about yourself, and made you to be a reasonable person. Of two "friends," you made them out to be someone who were unreasonable. Personally, I wouldn't want my friend to behave that way against me.

My advice is for you to listen from others what kind of "friend" you are to them.


Sorry, if I sound harsh but think of it as a bitter medicine. Neg. rep. me if it would make you feel better.