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talaniman · Jan 18, 2009, 07:05 AM

I believe that I do need a girlfriend, and that's why I'm willing to put up with a lot of crap to get one. Not healthy.

Your right that's not healthy, no one needs a relationship.

Your just like a guy with a drug habit trying to kick it.

I think the only reason that I go from happy to sad is that my ex will enter into the picture again

Yo make the perfect case for No Contact.

I find that those that have such a hard time cutting contact have made some really unhealthy attachments. Like dope fiends, especially given how bad you feel and the misery you endure getting that fix that never lasts.

Its been 3 months and she is still calling the shot, and giving you confusion. Try harder. You are making progress though, and just need to stick to it, and learn to delete those texts.

Nestorian · Jan 18, 2009, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by Yosomoton213

Thanks. She texted late last night... "yoso how are you?"

1:30 am. what does that mean? I didn't text back.

Letting go of some one is not easy, even if you were the one to choose so. Say, "Im good, thanks." Then leave it at that. It's hard.

Try not to over think things, just try to let them go and move on.

YouTube - everybody's free to wear sunscreen

Here watch that, and maybe it'll give you some small measure of comfort. It does for me.

Peace be with you brother.

wikedjuggalo · Jan 19, 2009, 03:54 PM

Chin up keep trucking don't look back. One day it will truly be behind you because you know what truly is good for you. A community is here to support you for how ever long it takes you :)

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 02:01 AM

All right, here's the deal.

I have two classes with my ex: In one she tries to get my attention by coughing so that she can talk to me. Usually I ignore her. She does it in a flirtatious manner, and then she gets up to get something, she will bump me on the way. ( I sit in the front so that I won't have to deal with her).

Then, in the other, 2.5 hour class, she sits at the same table as I do. We work, not talk for the entire time. After class, she walks alongside of me and asked me if I wanted to walk with her for awhile. I told her we were walking separate places, and respectfully said goodbye to her.

10 minutes later I get a text saying that I was mean because she wanted to walk and talk with me. I said "This is the i-want-you but i-don't want you coming out in you."

She said "I just wanted to walk and talk with you"

I followed "I'm still pretty pissed about the whole thing. I made a lot of mistakes, but you just gave up and threw me out of your life. More than once"

She said "fine, i'll give you your space".

I said "thanks"

How could I have handled this better? Why is she doing this?

Dare81 · Jan 23, 2009, 04:49 AM

Originally Posted by Yosomoton213

Alright, here's the deal.

I have two classes with my ex: In one she tries to get my attention by coughing so that she can talk to me. Usually I ignore her. She does it in a flirtatious manner, and then she gets up to get something, she will bump me on the way. ( I sit in the front so that I won't have to deal with her).

Then, in the other, 2.5 hour class, she sits at the same table as I do. We work, not talk for the entire time. After class, she walks alongside of me and asked me if I wanted to walk with her for awhile. I told her we were walking separate places, and respectfully said goodbye to her.

10 minutes later I get a text saying that I was mean because she wanted to walk and talk with me. I said "This is the i-want-you but i-don't want you coming out in you."

She said "I just wanted to walk and talk with you"

I followed "I'm still pretty pissed about the whole thing. I made a lot of mistakes, but you just gave up and threw me out of your life. More than once"

She said "fine, i'll give you your space".

I said "thanks"

How could I have handled this better? Why is she doing this?

You did the right thing.Next time you probably sholdn't reply to her text either.
She broke up with you, meaning she does not want any part of you in her life. Give her what she wants

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by Yosomoton213

She said "I just wanted to walk and talk with you"

I followed "I'm still pretty pissed about the whole thing. I made a lot of mistakes, but you just gave up and threw me out of your life. More than once"
How could I have handled this better? Why is she doing this?

Until you can learn not to talk like this, I wouldn't talk to her, period. I know you hurt, and are mad, but you simply CANNOT act bitter towards her. It just doesn't do any good. Keep you emotions to yourself, and your friends, people that actually deserve a reaction from you. Do not give her the pleasure of upsetting you, or at least of knowing she upset you.

It also does no good to admit you made a lot of mistakes. That is what life is about, so it is pointless saying that to her, as if she was perfect. We ALL make mistakes, a LOT of them, especially in relationships, but without them, guess what? We don't grow, and we don't get better.

I know you cannot go without seeing her, as she has classes with you, but try to keep it as non-emotional as possible. You will get there, I know it's hard, especially since you have class with her. Just keep your chin up.

Carry on... :cool:

talaniman · Jan 23, 2009, 08:10 AM

You have expressed yourself honestly,

You have talked, the talk, now you have to walk, the walk.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 08:16 AM

In hindsight... I probably shouldn't have even bothered to answer the text.

But what about her other behavior? Is she gaslighting me?

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 08:17 AM

Yoso, in hindsight there are a LOT of things I wished I wouldn't have done. No sweat man! Now, as Tal has so eloquently put it, time to "walk the walk."

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 08:19 AM

So go into shutdown mode?

Lockout forever, or at least until I can think of her as just another girl?

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 08:20 AM

Until you don't think of her, PERIOD... that is it, in a nutshell.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 08:22 AM

Gross. Why would I think of her period?

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 08:23 AM

You also don't need to be shutdown, and make it glaringly apparent you want nothing to do with her. It is more or less not being there whenever she comes knocking... that type of thing. Don't play into her games nor respond to texts or calls. It is about you having a clear head, and not reacting off emotions. Once you don't react off emotions with her, it is pretty safe to say you are moving in the right direction.

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Yosomoton213

Gross. Why would I think of her period?

You are joking right? It is early, so I am not picking up on the humor just yet... forgive me :)

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 08:26 AM

Hahaha. All right. I solemnly swear to never contact her, even if she batters down my doors. I do this on my honor to all of my new online comrades.

Only when I don't think of her at all will I engage in any verbal communication with her. But I will never get suckered into another "relationship" again with this particular woman.

I will ignore all texts, all phone calls, all classroom coughs and requests for walks from her. I am going to flush this one out fellas, like the rest of my crap.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 08:29 AM

But honestly KC, I cannot talk to her without my emotions flaring up again. I am more controlled and relaxed when she isn't bugging me, or when we aren't conversing. I would prefer to just shut her out.

She's been playing this game for 6 months now. I honestly do not want to deal with her anymore.

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 08:33 AM

I know how you feel. You know what you need to do. Good luck!

Yosomoton213 · Jan 23, 2009, 08:52 AM

True. I see some posts on here like "10 year on-and-off relationship... she slept with over 10 guys..."

I can't do that. I won't do that.

Yosomoton213 · Feb 7, 2009, 07:32 PM

Ok, so this girl I've been seeing frequently suggests that we do things together, but she is usually the one to make all of the plans. Very seldom do I have ideas of my own of what we should both do. Basically, she is calling all of the shots right now and I don't feel comfortable with that. I think that it should be a balance.

What should I say to her that would not upset her, but get the point across that I would like to be assertive in the relationship too?

ChihuahuaMomma · Feb 7, 2009, 07:35 PM

Next time she suggests something, then just say "We can do that next time, but I have an idea that will be more fun."

OR

Bring her on a surprise date to somewhere that you like to go so that she knows it special to you and that you want it to be for her as well.