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We've been married for 30 years. We've both been committed to our family raised our children together, I a stay at home mom and now a stay at home grandmother.

I've always known he's a ladies man, but he's been such a wonderful husband, I guess I've been blind or stupid to have let this happen again. We experienced this before when I caught him getting ready to cheat with this other woman. Although he swears it never went any further than kissing, I went as far as confronting the other woman, which as you'd expect, she denied also. He lied, he made excuses, he pleaded, then I caved. After that, he never worked harder to make our marriage a happier place, but that took a long time on my part to forgive but never forgot.

Over the years, I've had my supspicions about him being so premiscuious, but I got too comfortable. Now it's happened again only this time it's different. I actually found startling pictures of the woman on his cell phone. It was such a stupid thing for him to leave on there, but he's not tech friendly. We were just coming home from a meeting that he said he had to go to and since it was in a fun place, we decided to stay the weekend and have a little fun, shopping and gambling.

It turned out after further investigating, my husband had spoke to this woman that morning and then even when we were driving, which most likely happened when we stoppped for a break. It was strange because now that I think about it, he wasn't in such a hurry to get to his meeting, although he would have only have been able to be at the meeting for an hour. He made it a point to drop me off at the hotel before he zoomed off. He returned a few hours later, me none the wiser at that point, but he remained distant and played casino machines as I thought we were enjoying our evening.

The next day we were up and he took me shopping and pretty much spoiled me. I thought all was well. Then as we were traveling home after a wonderful weekend, my cell phone wouldn't work, so he let me use his and that is when I stumbled on the photos.

At first, I was completely stunned. When I asked him he seemed to have been shaken, then said "I don't know what those are," "I didn't even know those were on there." By then I was like a mad woman, going through each text he'd received and as we were driving he was silent. We had a four hour drive, he didn't say anything, nor did I. Stunned!

I put together that he'd been talking to this woman for quite a while. He said they became friends when he worked at a previous position. From there he said she wanted to come work for him. I find it strange that although he said nothing has ever happened, according to these photos, she's under the impression that she knows him well enough to send him pictures of her panty covered (excuse me please!) , and her sexy breasts covered by a purple satin bra and unstretched belly. I checked the phone records and it appears he's been speaking to her before he goes to work and before he comes home to his warm dinner awaiting him as he walks through the door.

What hurts more is he's a busy executive. So he talks all day and has many people under him, so I never get a full conversation of how his day was, how my day was, but the phone times show he talks to this woman for sometimes up to 25 minutes x to a day.

At this point, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm confused, I'm lost! I feel like such a doormat. I feel the whole 30 years have been such a farce. I feel so much more stupid this time, only because I'm so much older now and I thought you were suppose to be wiser.

What do I do now? I have nothing, no work experience, no money of my own, we don't live by our children, and I don't want to tell them. I don't want to tell my family either. They like my husband, they think he's great. I don't want to jump the gun and tell them then have them hate him if we are able to work it out. At this point, I feel very stupid, but have no other feeling. Like it's my fault for not doing something that would have made him not want to go somewhere else for something else.

I feel like I should just let it go. I deserve it. My husband did say it was because I didn't pay attention to him. That I let it get this way. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't pay attention to what was really important to him.

[Alty]

First of all, it's not your fault. It takes two to make a marriage work and two to make it fail. You did not lead him into the arms of another women, he made that choice, only him.

Do you still love him? Do you think you can forgive him? Is he willing to go to counselling and try to work this out?

You are at the beginning stages right now, so of course you don't think that you can get through this, that's mostly shock and anger speaking, so give yourself some time before you make a decision regarding your marriage and your future.

No matter what I do think that counselling is in order. You need help dealing with this, and dealing with him. Marriage counselling would be great, maybe you two can find a common ground, find out where things went wrong and start fresh.

I wish I could be more help. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but, you do know it will get better with time, the hurt will be less, so will the anger.

Take care and good luck.

[450donn]

So, you are married to a person that has no respect for his marriage vows. I am truly sorry for that. But you have to make a decision. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not accept this kind of behavior any longer. You both will go into counseling and he will be sleeping in the spare bedroom until he can prove that this will never happen again. Or hire a divorce lawyer and get rid of the bum. You might consider making get involved in an addiction group too. There is a program that is offered by many churches called for men only. It is non denominational and in fact you do not even have to be a believer to join. It is a place where men with all sorts of addictions/problems can go and meet with others in the same situation and talk through the issues in their lives.

[bekah2009]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. You are better than that. Only thing I can tell you in to follow your heart and what it feels is the right thing you need to do. You know something my husband has never cheated on me I know it for a fact, however I do see him every now and then glancing at a woman out in public, but you know what I say to him? " ok steve i want you to know when you look at a woman, that someone is looking at your wife and may find her attractive". Not saying that I want a man,cause the one I have is enough. But still I say that to him and I believe it works. It's not exactly the same as what your going through , but you only know him and you have got to do what's right.

[herky35]

Yeah its not your fault and to me it sounds like as important he seems at work he's neglecting you. My parents were married for 38 years then they got a divorce. Its time you take some control and lay it down to him how you feel and let him know that if this is the way he wants to live then fine but your not going to be there. Stop making excuses to stay with someone who does things that don't make you happy just because your afraid to be on your own. Believe me my mom went through the same as you and I told her the same thing as I'm saying to you, you need to put a stop to it and if it means a divorce then you need to pick yourself up brush yourself off and improve your life who knows there's another person out there that won't do what your husband is doing to you

[bnsmith]

Well not sure what to tell you. I feel your pain as I have gone through the same. Can't breath sick to your stomach check on them constantly. All I can tell you is what I have done I gave up I quit checking. Why... I guess I'm stupid and have no self worth! But I do know for a fact I love this man more than I have ever known possiable and I believe he loves me the same! I can't tell you why he strays [ he denies it ever happening] but I know when we are together we are amazeing we are untouchable. We are the fairy tale! And I stay because of that ! When he looks into my eyes I can feel his love for me! You have to decide what you can and can't live with what you do and don't want to know and what you want out of life.

Hope this helped a little

[JmeMum]

It's not your fault AT ALL. You are a stay at home mom and Im sure you excuse my french bust your raising children and doing housework and do things around the house just so he won't have to. You don't deserve it and if you stay he will just continue to do it. You seem like a very sweet lady and you could do better. We only have a limited amount of time on this planet, make it all count. Fill each second with happiness, not stress. You can't control his actions and you can't make him stop. Let him lead his life, and while he is doing that you go start living yours, a more fulfilling one. Take care of you, because he isn't about to start.