It happened again.I'm so lost.Numb.Unfeeling
We've been married for 30 years. We've both been committed to our family raised our children together, I a stay at home mom and now a stay at home grandmother.
I've always known he's a ladies man, but he's been such a wonderful husband, I guess I've been blind or stupid to have let this happen again. We experienced this before when I caught him getting ready to cheat with this other woman. Although he swears it never went any further than kissing, I went as far as confronting the other woman, which as you'd expect, she denied also. He lied, he made excuses, he pleaded, then I caved. After that, he never worked harder to make our marriage a happier place, but that took a long time on my part to forgive but never forgot.
Over the years, I've had my supspicions about him being so premiscuious, but I got too comfortable. Now it's happened again only this time it's different. I actually found startling pictures of the woman on his cell phone. It was such a stupid thing for him to leave on there, but he's not tech friendly. We were just coming home from a meeting that he said he had to go to and since it was in a fun place, we decided to stay the weekend and have a little fun, shopping and gambling.
It turned out after further investigating, my husband had spoke to this woman that morning and then even when we were driving, which most likely happened when we stoppped for a break. It was strange because now that I think about it, he wasn't in such a hurry to get to his meeting, although he would have only have been able to be at the meeting for an hour. He made it a point to drop me off at the hotel before he zoomed off. He returned a few hours later, me none the wiser at that point, but he remained distant and played casino machines as I thought we were enjoying our evening.
The next day we were up and he took me shopping and pretty much spoiled me. I thought all was well. Then as we were traveling home after a wonderful weekend, my cell phone wouldn't work, so he let me use his and that is when I stumbled on the photos.
At first, I was completely stunned. When I asked him he seemed to have been shaken, then said "I don't know what those are," "I didn't even know those were on there." By then I was like a mad woman, going through each text he'd received and as we were driving he was silent. We had a four hour drive, he didn't say anything, nor did I. Stunned!
I put together that he'd been talking to this woman for quite a while. He said they became friends when he worked at a previous position. From there he said she wanted to come work for him. I find it strange that although he said nothing has ever happened, according to these photos, she's under the impression that she knows him well enough to send him pictures of her panty covered (excuse me please!) , and her sexy breasts covered by a purple satin bra and unstretched belly. I checked the phone records and it appears he's been speaking to her before he goes to work and before he comes home to his warm dinner awaiting him as he walks through the door.
What hurts more is he's a busy executive. So he talks all day and has many people under him, so I never get a full conversation of how his day was, how my day was, but the phone times show he talks to this woman for sometimes up to 25 minutes x to a day.
At this point, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm confused, I'm lost! I feel like such a doormat. I feel the whole 30 years have been such a farce. I feel so much more stupid this time, only because I'm so much older now and I thought you were suppose to be wiser.
What do I do now? I have nothing, no work experience, no money of my own, we don't live by our children, and I don't want to tell them. I don't want to tell my family either. They like my husband, they think he's great. I don't want to jump the gun and tell them then have them hate him if we are able to work it out. At this point, I feel very stupid, but have no other feeling. Like it's my fault for not doing something that would have made him not want to go somewhere else for something else.
I feel like I should just let it go. I deserve it. My husband did say it was because I didn't pay attention to him. That I let it get this way. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't pay attention to what was really important to him.