[TrueFaith]

Writing her a letter

Will only give her the power
If that's what you want..
Tell her that you are hurt that she lied to you. And didn't call when she said she would.
Is basically what the letter will say..

And what's the point.

The most powerful thing you can do to someone

Is ignore them
And it's the one of the hard things to do
Anyone can write a letter
Telling people how they feeeeel.

It does not matter how you feel. Or how she feels anymore

[Yosomoton213]

Don't let on how much it hurts to her.

Honestly, the letter seems like a "pity me" tool. Don't use it, it will have the opposite effect.

She didn't call back. She showed her true colors. Let it go and never ever look back.

[starbuck8]

How is this taking your power back? It is doing the complete opposite, and giving her 100% control!

If I got a letter like that, I would think it was a letter saying, I'll take you back when and if you decide, because I don't have the balls to stand up for myself, and I will let you treat me however you want, as long as you come back.

Then (if I was this type of person) I would do what I wanted, for however long I wanted to do it, until I got bored or lonely, and I would remember, oh yeah, the ball is in my court! I can call him! He's right there waiting for me!

Then I would come back to you until I got bored again, and wanted "my space," and I would leave you just like I did last time, because you will probably take me back when I get lonely again anyway!

Don't send her that letter. Trash it, and take your power back for real this time.

[talaniman]

Your letter does not give your power back, but shows how truly stuck you are, and sorry, words mean nothing when what you need is some positive actions in your own behalf, and No Contact IS THAT ACTION, so burn the letter, and disappear from her life.

[1927city]

Dated my ex for almost a year and she finished it about 7 months ago. Not been in contact for this time …haven’t spoken to her in person or seen her since June. Fairly certain that there is nor has there been another guy in this time (touch wood), although I did date a girl for a couple of months ending it before xmas.

Well I found out she told a mate of mine at a party that she still loved me in November and after trying to get it out of my head for about 6 weeks, I broke and called her in December. I left a message as no answer and said for her to call me if she wanted to catch up. I received a text back apologizing for missing the call and that she would call ‘tomorrow’ so we could catch up. She then didn’t.

I then received a personalized but generic Christmas text off her and then a NY text saying it would be good to meet up soon in 2009. I replied saying that it sounded good and that she could help me check out my new city I’m moving to if she wanted and since then she hasn’t replied.

Can anyone explain what she’s doing as I’m confused?

Thanks

[ThatGuy2]

First off, can you explain what your doing? Are you trying to rekindle the flame? Why did you break up in the first place? Sounds to me like she's also confused and is dragging you along for a ride.

[1927city]

Well I'm not trying to instigate anything with her... I want her back, but I understand that she has to make up her own mind on her own - so I've pretty much been in No Contact with her since June.

We broke up because.. Well she lost attraction, but it also coincided with her finals where she handled the pressure poorly.

To be honest, I think I became a bit needy / placing too much importance on her and letting her get away with murder to be honest... but it was also to do with the exams.

However, there's no real reason that's ever been given or discussed... we've never argued. It was all a bit odd. After we split she acted like I didn't exist and left without a goodbye, giving me my keys back etc. She ran away rather than face up to things.

Over-reaction as I was her first serious BF, first love... she was talking about me moving away with her etc.

J

[liz28]

I think you started something and your adding to the confusion. Your first mistake was contacting her, you should've never done that sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past and move forward.

[nike 1]

Let this thing go for now. Do not call her, text her, etc. This girl needs to figure herself out. If she calls you act casual and don't make promises to call her back or ask her to.Just let things ride and see where it goes. But do not hold your life up over this. As you said, you became needy when you were together. The last thing you want to do is repeat past mistakes.

[talaniman]

Go back to, and stay with No Contact. You're a good example of getting confused all over again, by breaking it.

[boatbuilder]

Just wing it, I'm going through the same thing right now and have kept no contact and she's the one contacting me and I'm just letting it playout and head where its going to head, what happens happens

[ja77]

You need to go back to having no contact.

At present you are setting yourself for a bigger fall and making a lot more baggage to carry around with you.

You made contact off the back of what a friend told you, this person your Ex made no contact with you, you made the contact. Maybe your Ex is just trying be nice rather than just texting back Stay Away.

[NItEMArE129]

Well, no contact gave you some sort of security, right? You weren't confused about her anymore, you didn't want to rekindle anything, you were doing just fine. And now, when you broke the NC, you are confused, and you want to rekindle an old break-up that will probably lead to another break up. Statistically, most couples that break up don't end up getting back together and, when they do, it usually ends badly again. All of your confusion started when you started contact, so go back to no contact and move forward. Almost everybody here is giving you the same message, and I hafta say, it's probably right.

[liz28]

Well it's a free country so she can go wherever she wants but that doesn't mean that you have to see her nor have contact with her.

[1927city]

Very briefly, we split last April and have pretty much been in No Contact ever since. I started getting indications that she was cracking September / October time. However, she lived away (she moved for a job) and there were no real reaches of note. Then she told my mate she still loved in November, text me xmas and then again in new year – this time hoping we could meet soon.

She didn’t get back to me when I agreed but then turned up at my leaving party (we talked for about 2 hours …nothing heavy) and then she text a week later, asking if I wanted to meet. She then cancelled via phone as her new job start date had been moved forward and she needed to look for a place to live (she pretty much talked at me for about half an hour about her life …didn’t really ask me much about mine …women lol!) Left it with her to re-arrange when she’d sorted herself out.

Well since then she’s gone awol. I know its only been 10 days since and she has a new job to start, a new home to set up (now pretty near me) and I think she may have been away in Ireland this weekend with her mates (I forget when she said), so I know there are many reasons as to why she’s not contacted me.

However, I can’t help worry that I’ve messed this up somehow …particularly with V Day approaching next week? I’m back in NC and focusing on my new life/job/home etc. The mindset is getting there, but this is difficult to manage as I was sure she was on the point of breaking and now I fear her new life will push me to the back burner once more (perhaps never to return).

Have I misread this situation? Hopefully I am playing this correctly... what would you do?

J

[neverme]

Stop 'playing it'.


This girl is not being fair to you. Why do you want to start a relationship with an ex?

They become an ex for a reason. Dude, go back to NC and concentrate on you. She's only ripping you down because she feels like it (probably bored or something) and now she has things to keep herself busy... bye bye J!

Tell her that you've done just fine without her until now and to stay away if all she's going to do is mess with your emotions.

Best of Luck.

[1927city]

There's an element of truth to the above and she's definitely not being fair I would agree

However, I also think that there's an element of pride/fear (and immaturity) involved - I am fairly certain that she's just not that mean or calculating. I get the distinct impression its more that she doesn't know what she wants or what she's doing than deliberately doing a) then b) etc.

Or that she knows she may have made a mistake, but she's not admitting to it, prides too big, trying to justify it to herself etc. One of her mates called me a few weeks ago and told me that she said she'd asked her if she saw us getting back together and settling down... her response was 'I don't know' - apparently not giving anything away.

That tied in with her admission of love to my mate back in November reinforces my belief that we split for external reasons (and not ones to do with me)

It's been about 9 months now since we split, so I know that I'm not acting out of emotion and that rightly or wrongly I still love her - just don't want to get burned again.

Re: cancellations - They could be excuses (though don't think so), but timing hasn't helped as the 2 times sheis tried to meet I've been in the arctic and then her new job got moved forward, meaning she needed to find a place to live.

Still think I should stay in NC?

J

[ardahk]

I really do. Until she comes back with something concrete that you can react and talk about - continue doing what you were doing and concentrate on yourself.

Live for yourself and if she comes into your life she is welcome to join provided everything is sorted and defined, you just get more confused the more she contacts you with mini things and its really not doing you any good at all

[neverme]

Why are you the one jumping through hoops?

If she loves you then she should be putting in equal effort.

You're already making excuses for her and you don't even know what's going on yet. I'm going to go out on a limb and ask 'Remind you of any relationships you've had? '

And you are acting out of emotions, love is an emotion. As people, alot of our actions are done out of some emotion and are normally reactive. But with an ex it's always out of emotion. How could it not be? If there was any truth and love in the relationship to begin with, those emotions don't just go away with NC. NC is about self protection, and in my opinion that's what you need now.

[talaniman]

Stay with NC, as you are still so full of false hope, and she is living her life without you in it. You should be doing the same.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.


Read, and reread!!!