[sundance59]

Oh I agree that its not good to stay in a relationship that isn't working nor do I advise anything out of guilt whatsoever. I like that you are prepared to move on but would only add this. if you could manage to give her more time than the equivilency of 30 days before her mortgage is in jeopardy, please do so. Even 60 or 90 days, NOT out of a sense of guild but rather a realisation of three important things:

1. She got into that house thinking you would be there to help and to that you have some responsibility-- no matter how she treated you or what hidden agenda took place. You are as much the reason this was rushed into as she is-- please look at that.

2. 30 days is not enough time to either round up a roommate, land a decent second job (especially for someone who is 52) or refinace a house so if you have the financial means 90 is better.

3. The less fuel you give her to be vindictive, the better and so you could chalk the money off as self protection and the price of a good lesson too. How we treat our ex's is important! Be certain this isn't you being vindictive yourself too (which would be very easy to fall into here).

I understand you are hurt but think it through, okay? Thank you for considering my suggestions but less than 90 may be too much like the "thief in the night" you mentioned earlier.

I could leave her 3 months mortgage, but I have the feeling that I was played and how could I be sure that she is not deliberately trying to force me out because there is someone else waiting in the wings? What a sucker I would be if I left her almost 2 thousand dollars and her new beau moves in the next day? I'm sure they would have great laugh and a nice week in the Bahamas on me. Understand that I would not be going anywhere if it not for her lack of affection and caring. When my sister died a few weeks ago, her coldness gave me insight into what she was about.

Yesterday I said to her that she had not been very affectionate latley, was there something that I was doing wrong? She never answered me.

If she loses this house it will be because what goes around, comes around. As for my safety, when I leave I will go back to NJ, not to return, Florida has not been all that good for me anyway. My Daughters and friends are in NJ and that's where I would go, so they would not chase me a thousand miles I'm sure, besides, with their mothers track record, this is just another relationship out of many, they must be numb to this by now.

[talaniman]

Sounds like your mind is made up, so go and play it by ear after that. I don't know how your g/f is, only you know, since your there but this doesn't sound like much of a relationship anyway so end it.

[valinors_sorrow]

Well as strange as this may sound, I was suggesting that, although you would be leaving her because you don't trust her anymore, paying the 60 or even 90 days worth of money is the "right thing to do" in order to answer to pushing her into the house as you did. Her mortgage is now a hazard to her rather than a benefit by way of you leaving, regardless of who she is. And the facts still say at this point that you don't really know for certain that she is playing you or even how "consciously" she did it, if she did. Treating her well upon your departure speaks of your character, not hers. Additionally what she does with the money you leave her is not only her business (because you have left at that point!) but its on her reputation, not yours, if she does something bad with it. But if this isn't in your understanding, so be it. I can only think in terms of me and since there isn't a way to tell for sure beforehand, I would rather risk paying money to a player than to not pay the money to someone who simply can't give enough to suit me and was genuienely hurt by what I did pushing them. Wait... a light bulb just went on! You could always pay the mortgage in advance so there is no opportunity to party on it? Just a thought...

[sundance59]

Well as strange as this may sound, I was suggesting that, although you would be leaving her because you don't trust her anymore, paying the 60 or even 90 days worth of money is the "right thing to do" in order to answer to pushing her into the house as you did. Her mortgage is now a hazard to her rather than a benefit by way of you leaving, regardless of who she is. And the facts still say at this point that you don't really know for certain that she is playing you or even how "consciously" she did it, if she did. Treating her well upon your departure speaks of your character, not hers. Additionally what she does with the money you leave her is not only her business (because you have left at that point!) but its on her reputation, not yours, if she does something bad with it. But if this isn't in your understanding, so be it. I can only think in terms of me and since there isn't a way to tell for sure beforehand, I would rather risk paying money to a player than to not pay the money to someone who simply can't give enough to suit me and was genuienely hurt by what I did pushing them. Wait... a light bulb just went on! You could always pay the mortgage in advance so there is no opportunity to party on it? Just a thought...

I think that there is some mis understanding about the house. She wanted the house but did not know how to get it, what to do etc, so I called the broker and hooked her up with a mortgage company. When things were at a stalemate with HUD, SHE was the one pushing me to find a way, so I did, everyday when she came home from work all she was interested in is where SHE was on the deal. I was perfectly content in my home and there was no immediate need to move, she wanted this place from the moment she saw it, all I did was do all the communicating since I am home all day, but make no mistake, she pushed this deal.

[valinors_sorrow]

Oh dear. I was misunderstanding things a bit, forgive me. Well that certainly explains your reluctance better, thank you. Additionally, I am not meaning to impose my values on you either. You know best in this as you have all the millions of details none of us would ever have. I wish you well in this and hope to have helped ease some of the bad taste of Florida you've received. And I am relieved to hear you are safe too. Thanks.

[sundance59]

Oh dear. I was misunderstanding things a bit, forgive me. Well that certainly explains your reluctance better, thank you. Additionally, I am not meaning to impose my values on you either. You know best in this as you have all the millions of details none of us would ever have. I wish you well in this and hope to have helped ease some of the bad taste of Florida you've received. And I am relieved to hear you are safe too. Thanks.

I don't want to be mis understood here. I am not looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship, quite the contrary, I would much rather it be what it once was not long ago, we all need to love and be loved, that's all I want out of her, it's just that I am reconciling myself to the fact that I may have to end it for my own emotional health, to that end, I am preparing a way to do it, hoping that I won't have to.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - sit down with her and tell her what's going on.

You need a spine. I kind of feel like you play the victim in this. That's VERY unattractive.

Talk this out NOW! Don't wait a day.

What do you do? Mope around the house without answers??

COMMUNICATION IS KING!! TALK!! NOW!! TODAY!!

Tell her your concerns - tell her to be honest - tell you question all her time she is with her ex.

Do yit now!

[Wildcat21]

Also - caqn ask exactly WHY you don't work? Need the details?

Can you work?

You need tio getout of the house every day...

[sundance59]

Also - caqn ask exactly WHY you don't work? Need the details?

Can you work?

You need tio getout of the house every day.....

I suffer from coronary artery disease, I have 3 stents in my coronary artery system, I have peripheal vascular disease in my legs, I cannot walk very far without pain and cannot stand for too long either, I collect SS disability which is more than she earns. Right now, we have only one vehicle between us, her schedule varies as to when she gets off so driving her to work and picking her up later won't work, besides the cost of gas being what it is... I am going to get a substantial settlement in the next two months, I will surely buy a vehicle then, but getting out will not change her attitude , that's the real problem, not my getting out, I keep busy enough around here, I'm not sitting and watching TV all day, the problem is with her.