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Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 10, 2009, 12:37 PM

I have 3 small kids ,9 , 7 , and 6. I was married to an abusive alcoholic nightmare for 9 years. We finally got out last year and I filed for divorce ( still being harassed by the ex today) I have full custody, and I dropped the request for supervised visits and gave him every other weekend visitation rights based on a few conditions, No alcohol around the kids , and his live in girlfriend coudnt spend the night when the kids are there .I agreed to the same ( although I don't have a live in) He has broken BOTH conditions, numerous times. He curses at them constantly, and puts them in a very dysfunctional environment when they are with him. ( shacked up with giflfriend, alcohol, police being called , fighting etc)

Child support is only 324.00 per month which is only 1/3 of what its supposed to be and is temporary he still doesn't have a job. He was only employed for about 4 of the 9 years we were married.His family has been helping him pay the child support.

The kids and I are living with my parents and I am trying to save money to move out. I want to move out of state, I live in a VERY remote area and it is going to be challenging to raise 3 kids alone anywhere, but here its all the more challenging because I live in such a small town, and can't make the amount of money I need to support 3 kids.

I want to move out of state, I have been spending a lot of time in a state about 1200 miles away from here and I want to move there and start a new life with my kids. I do not want to take them away from their dad, and would be willing to give up child support , or at least reduce it in order to finance his trips for visitation. I would also be willing to fly down with the kids and let them stay with him during the summer for a few weeks and holidays etc. They love their dad and he is good to them as long as he is not drunk.

All the divorce papers say is that I have custody and he has visitation, and that both parties must comply with uniform chancery court rule 8.06 regarding notifying courts and other party of new address. So do I have to tell the court that I intend on moving? Do I still need permission? It is in the children's best interest to not be around their dad all the time , I do not want them improperly influenced by his actions and the way he lives his life. I would like to get some sort of visitation schedule in place before I move , I do not want the kids to go more than a few weeks without seeing their dad. Do we have to involve the courts at all? I have talked to my ex and let him know what I was thinking . One day he says " fine , jsut as long as Ican see them " the next day he says " go ahead and move but youre not taking the kids" he is just trying to give me a hard time .

JudyKayTee · Jan 10, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Jacobsmommy123

I have 3 small kids ,9 , 7 , and 6. I was married to an abusive alcoholic nightmare for 9 years. We finally got out last year and I filed for divorce ( still being harassed by the ex today) I have full custody, and I dropped the request for supervised visits and gave him every other weekend visitation rights based on a few conditions, No alcohol around the kids , and his live in girlfriend coudnt spend the night when the kids are there .I agreed to the same ( although I dont have a live in) He has broken BOTH conditions, numerous times. He curses at them constantly, and puts them in a very dysfunctional enviornment when they are with him. ( shacked up with giflfriend, alcohol, police being called , fighting etc)

Child support is only 324.00 per month which is only 1/3 of what its supposed to be and is temporary he still doesnt have a job. He was only employed for about 4 of the 9 years we were married.His family has been helping him pay the child support.

The kids and I are living with my parents and I am trying to save money to move out. I want to move out of state, I live in a VERY remote area and it is going to be challenging to raise 3 kids alone anywhere, but here its all the more challenging bc I live in such a small town, and can't make the amount of money I need to support 3 kids.

I want to move out of state, I have been spending alot of time in a state about 1200 miles away from here and I want to move there and start a new life with my kids. I do not want to take them away from their dad, and would be willing to give up child support , or at least reduce it in order to finance his trips for visitation. I would also be willing to fly down with the kids and let them stay with him during the summer for a few weeks and holidays etc. They love their dad and he is good to them as long as he is not drunk.

All the divorce papers say is that I have custody and he has visitation, and that both parties must comply with uniform chancery court rule 8.06 regarding notifying courts and other party of new address. So do I have to tell the court that I intend on moving? do I still need permission? it is in the childrens best intrest to not be around their dad all the time , I do not want them improperly influenced by his actions and the way he lives his life. I would like to get some sort of visitation schedule in place before I move , I do not want the kids to go more than a few weeks without seeing their dad. Do we have to involve the courts at all? I have talked to my ex and let him know what I was thinking . One day he says " fine , jsut as long as Ican see them " the next day he says " go ahead and move but youre not taking the kids" he is jsut trying to give me a hard time .

If he's a danger the children then go back to Court, prove he's a danger and get his visitation stopped or changed to supervised.

And, yes, you have to - and it's spelled out clearly - notify the Court when you move out of the jurisdiction and very probably need the permission of the father. You can't just remove his children from him, whether he's a bad parent or not.

So go to Court, set forth your arguments, request the necessary relief.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 10, 2009, 12:56 PM

Just a little more info...

My attorney knew during the divorce process that I was thinking of moving , and he says that in Mississippi that whatever is NOT specified in the divorce decree , doesn't exist. Therefore I can move wherever I want. Because he didn't ask for any stipulations on us moving , also according to my attorney , had he asked for stipulations that I couldn't move , it would have been a voilation of my constitutional rights... So he says as long as its not mentioned , I can do what I want. Just like I am able to claim the kids on my taxes and the ex can't because its not specified in the decree and I have full custody, so he has no say... does this sound correct?

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 10, 2009, 01:02 PM

He is not a danger to the kids as defined by the court... meaning he would have to be a serious crack addict and beat the kids with a rubber hose in order to be defined as " a danger" in Mississippi. It is VERY hard to say that someone is unfit in this state. He is however subjecting them to dysfunction , alcohol, pulling out guns when someone makes him angry, he is irresponsible and mentally unstable. He has several mental disorders and self medicates with alcohol. One of the MAIN reasons I divorced him.so its not a good environment for the kids , but no court would find him a danger.

JudyKayTee · Jan 10, 2009, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by Jacobsmommy123

Just a little more info...

My attorney knew during the divorce process that I was thinking of moving , and he says that in Mississippi that whatever is NOT specified in the divorce decree , doesnt exist. therefore I can move whereever I want. because he didnt ask for any stipulations on us moving , also according to my attorney , had he asked for stipulations that I couldnt move , it would have been a voilation of my constitutional rights...So he says as long as its not mentioned , I can do what I want. Just like I am able to claim the kids on my taxes and the ex can't because its not specified in the decree and I have full custody, so he has no say ... does this sound correct?

When you said you "gave him" certain visitation I thought it was part of your divorce.

In NY (where I am) you cannot move and take the children away from their father (support or no support, that's another issue). It doesn't have to be written into the decree. It's the law.

Obviously Mississippi is different - if your Attorney said you can go (and your Attorney is far more familiar with your State law than anyone reading here and researching) I would say it's "safe" to go.

But keep in mind that now you have some control of the situation when the children are with him. You will lose that if you are in another State and he files and wins visitation and/or custody.

Only you know the best outcome for the children.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 12, 2009, 06:51 PM

I filed for divorce last yr and ended up settling in October 08. I got custody, he has visitation rights every other weekend, and there is a temp order for child support in the amount of 324.09. Its temp because he is on Workers comp and hasn't worked in a year, even then he was only on the job for 3 weeks. Anyhow , the payments ( if he was working ) should be $1192.00 per month ( huge difference) , he is trying to stay on workers comp as long as he can to keep from working and paying the extra money, meanwhile my kids are suffering. First question: Anyway I can increase the payments to what they would be , being that he is not back on the job yet? And what would I have to go through to prove that he is not really hurt as bad as he says... He deer hunts , drinks beer , and rides 4 wheelers , among many other things, but he can't work because he's " hurt"

Also , the divorce papers say that there is to be no alcohol, or overnight visits with someone he is not married to , and that he is supposed to get and maintain life insurance in the amount of 100,000 on himself for the kids, and also maintain medical insurance for the kids, he has done NONE of this. What can I do about that? We were divorced in October, he has had ample time to get all theis done.

Str8stack71 · Jan 12, 2009, 06:54 PM

What state are you in?. you may be able to hold him in contempt on some of those issues depending on what state your divorce is filed in.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 12, 2009, 06:55 PM

Mississippi

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 12, 2009, 06:56 PM

AND to top it off he STILL has my things in his possession , that is also in the divorce decree that he agreed to return my property, most of it belonging to my kids. Its just a mess

Str8stack71 · Jan 12, 2009, 07:02 PM

I don't believe that you will be able to do anything about the child support being changed while he is on disabiltiy.. but some of the other issues may put him in contempt... however, I'm not sure how much weight it will hold in the courts... all you can do is try... file papers for contempt with the life and health insurance... and see what happens. Unfortunately, I think you might be better to put yourself in the frame of mind that you just need to supply those kids with what they need... if you need to file contempt, then do it, but also in the mean time, maybe you can go through the state to get health insurace for your children... as far as the life insurance policy, I'm not sure the courts will push that... I'm not sure if what I am writing is making sense or not... I hope it does... divorce is such a nasty part of life...

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 12, 2009, 07:26 PM

Thanks for you answers... I know it's a very nasty part of life... Its even nastier when dealing with someone like him..

Thanks Again

Str8stack71 · Jan 12, 2009, 07:29 PM

I went through a divorce also. I have two kids... basically I had the attitude that I was going to do what I had to do to provide them with what they needed... if I needed health insurance... then I will go through the state, etc... please don't get yourself wrapped up in the "anger game"... it hurts everyone all the way around... and in the end, no one wins anyway... the best revenge you can have is to be happy... good luck

Fr_Chuck · Jan 12, 2009, 07:33 PM

No you can not make him pay what he would if he was working the job, his payments are based on what he is receiving now.

You can not force him to take a job or go back to work. If he decides to be the new fry cook at McDonalds and earn 8 bucks a hour, he can do that if he wants to, if he wants to live in a homeless shelter and not make any money, he can do that do,
You can not force him to do a job.

You can report him to the workers comp insurance company if you want to. But most likely then he gets fired and loses his workers comp payment also.

As for as your things, normally when a divorce is "final" both parties sign they have gotten there things.
If you have "things" go to his home, have a police officer go with you, and get your stuff, and if he will not give it, file a motion in court to order him to give it to you

cdad · Jan 13, 2009, 02:34 PM

Why is he on disability and what direction is he going to take. If its permanent then he needs to apply for SSD and then your children will get a check from SSD. You won't even have to deal with him so long as the paperwork is filed.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 13, 2009, 03:38 PM

He is not on disibility , it is Workers Compensation. He twisted his knee at work 6 months ago and keep saying " ouch, I can't work " to the Dr.

this8384 · Jan 13, 2009, 03:42 PM

As others have pointed out, you can't make him do anything until he is off Workmen's Compensation.

As for your personal belongings, you probably won't see them. My husband never got back half of the things he was awarded in his divorce, and that was almost 4 years ago.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 19, 2009, 10:33 AM

Just a quick question...

When I filed for divorce last year , I told my lawyer that I was moving in June of this year, he said it wouldn't be a problem because I would get custody of the kids... Long story short, my husband was giving me A lot of problems, didn't want the divorce and refused to sign the papers... and my lawyer called me one afternoon and said his lawyer was demanding that I settle for joint legal custody , and then he would sign the papers (which he still didn't do for months) , anyhow I gave in and gave him joint legal custody , AFTER my lawyer assured me that legal custody was NOTHING more than allowing the ex to put in his two cents in about the kids but that I didn't have to listen to him at all , and that it was no big deal because I have physical custody... Now that I am trying to move in a few months , I am researching everything I have to get done legally in order to move. Did my lawyer tell me wrong, about the legal custody? My ex is a alcoholic bum that lives with his parents and his girlfriend, he can't make decisions for himself , much less my children.

stevetcg · Jan 19, 2009, 10:40 AM

Well, aside from the "dont have to listen to him" part, that is what legal custody is. You have to jointly decide on legal matters.

Providing he does not have visitation, you should be allowed to move. I would check with the court though.

Jacobsmommy123 · Jan 19, 2009, 10:49 AM

He does have visitation... that's the problem. We didn't go to trial , I agreed to the standard visitation of every other weekend, in order to get things over with. And even though my younger two cry and refuse to go to his house, I still try to keep things civil with him and tell them they only have to stay one night if they want to come home I will come get them etc.. . I bought them a cell prepaid cell phone just in case they need me to come get them.. I do everything I can to keep it civil and NEVER talk about their father in a bad way around them.

Anyhow... So because of the legal custody , he may be able to stop me from moving? I really don't want to go back to court on this , I am burnt out on lawyer fees... If we could come to an agreement on visitation , would we still have to go to court?

stevetcg · Jan 19, 2009, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by Jacobsmommy123

He does have visitation... thats the problem. We didnt go to trial , I agreed to the standard visitation of every other weekend, in order to get things over with. And even though my younger two cry and refuse to go to his house, I still try to keep things civil with him and tell them they only have to stay one night if they want to come home I will come get them etc. ...I bought them a cell prepaid cell phone just in case they need me to come get them .. I do everything I can to keep it civil and NEVER talk about their father in a bad way around them.

Anyhow... So because of the legal custody , he may be able to stop me from moving? I really dont want to go back to court on this , I am burnt out on lawyer fees.... If we could come to an agreement on visitation , would we still have to go to court?

He might, sure. The real question is will he? He has rights as a parent and you cannot just take those away because you want to. If he'll let you move, then its not a problem. If you try without his permission he can very possibly stop it.