[is this right]

Hi all,

I have read so many posts on this site and replied to a few where I have been through similar experiences.

I now find myself, in a really good place with someone I have met, and I have fallen in love with her. We have been together for 7 months, and the feelings are recipricated. We are both in the same place.

The problem, which is a good one, is that I am struggling to control my feelings. I feel that the two of us are so into each other (intense) that the whole thing could implode. I struggle to concentrate at work, and when we are out separately we think about each other. I know we are in Love; but this is blowing my mind, and I have not experienced it before!

I find I have to keep myself more busy now, to keep my mind off her, than I did after a long term break up!

Is this normal?

[expat2009]

DUDE! You are in love! And best thing is she seems to be too! I've been there before and it's the best feeling ever. You are in a great place! First of all, enjoy this experience as it's the rarest of experiences--and yes it's normal a way. Normal that it's a feeling natural to human beings, but abnormal in a way that they don't happen that often in our lives. That is why it's such an amazing thing because it's so rare that when you have it, you must embrace it and make the best of it! However, you have to keep those feelings under control in my view. You cannot give too much of yourself to this or any relationship. It's all about balance, you give what you receive and vice versa. No more, no less. Most relationships have a honeymoon period and sooner or later it wears off. So be aware that the feeling of elation you are having will subside somewhat but it's not a bad thing at all. The relationship will keep maturing and great things --and not so great-- will come to you. It's up to you to and her to keep the love alive by taking care of yourselves as well as each other.

Don't give your life to her entirely, maintain a life of your own that is only yours. Keep some of your hobbies, some of your friends, and some of your activities to yourself so that you can have the best of both worlds. The life you share with her and your own life. The relationship should be a compliment to your life not ALL of it. Be careful not to make your life revolve around hers or vice versa, otherwise you will lose some of your identity and it could hurt you in the future--believe me, this basically ended my two year relationship. Both of you have to be aware that it takes effort to keep the spark alive so that it lasts as much as possible. It takes effort to make each other feel special. Effort to keep each other interested. That effort is love. Love will make you do things you would not do for anyone else. Act completely selfless for the others happiness. This is where control is important, give too much and they get too comfortable and drift away. Give too little and they drift away in pain. Try to keep it 50-50. Enjoy the ride man. Let things flow but be fair to yourself and to her. I envy you--in a good way!

[is this right]

Expat,

Thanks for all that. I guess it is what I thought, I just needed to hear/read it.

I am living out something that I thought only existed in hollywood films, but know that it is likely to be wrapped up in a honeymoon period that will come to an end at somepoint. And I guess that is when the real test starts. Can't believe the honeymoon has lasted 7 months, but not complianing!

Thanks for the advice, and good luck.

[a la king]

This is the great part about love! Best feeling ever. Enjoy it while it lasts because soon she'll be at your throat ;)

[talaniman]

Ah young love, so great. Actually I think your finding out that you have to learn to cope with ALL your feelings, be they good or bad. Relax and try not to get to carried away.

[Mom of 2]

Congrats!! I am in the same situation. I have been dating a man for a little over a year and I have been feeling the same way. The one thing that caught my attention and I wanted to make a comment on is that yes, you are probably in the honeymoon phase, as I think that I am also in that same phase. Everything is great and everyone is on an emotional high. For me, this is a drastic difference from my last relationship, which ended in divorce. However in that prior relationship, I think that we were in about 10 fights by this period of dating for a year and I have yet to have anything other than a stimulating discussion of a difference of opinion where it ended with, "Hey, we may differ on this subject, but that is okay." What I am trying to say is that I think that you are expecting a shoe to drop. Maybe it will drop, but maybe it won't. I get the feeling that you think that it is going to get bad. Please don't sabotage your relationship in that way. Live in the moment. There might be a few bumps in the road in the future, but don't fixate and overly anticipate them too much. All people are different and deal with situations differently. If you have a difference of opinion, then deal with at that time. Don't go worrying that these good feelings will eventually end. They may end of going on forever. I just found that I was reading a little bit of pessimism in your post and I just wanted to comment on it.

Good luck to you!!