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    johnboutin's Avatar
    johnboutin Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Jan 5, 2009, 08:32 PM
    My 21 year old child
    I was just informed by email from old girlfriend from the 80s that I have a 21 year old daughter who wants to meet me
    HELP
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
    		  
    #2

    Jan 5, 2009, 11:52 PM

    Hi, johnboutin!

    Are you able to call up this old girlfriend on the phone and discuss this with her? Do you know why she wants to see you and why this is happening after so long a time?

    Sounds like you need to have an in-person conversation with your old girlfriend about this first.

    Thanks!
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #3

    Jan 6, 2009, 05:48 AM

    While this isn't a legal issue, it does pose a moral one. You are under no obligation to have contact with your daughter and no real way to know for sure if she even IS your daughter. On the other hand, you might have a daughter that you never knew.

    I really don't have much advice aside from "do what feels right". I honestly have no idea what I would do.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
    		  
    #4

    Jan 6, 2009, 05:57 AM

    I would view this as a issue of what will meeting her do to HER. Does she have ideas about you, what does she know, and what is she looking for.
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
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    #5

    Jan 6, 2009, 06:46 AM

    If she wants to meet you, I think you should do it. It's not about you, really. Don't try to be somebody you're not, just let her see who you are. She just needs to know the truth. Even if you're a total jerk who wronged her mother and fled in panic.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert
    		  
    #6

    Jan 6, 2009, 03:52 PM

    stevetcg wrote ( quote ) While this isn't a legal issue, it does pose a moral one. You are under no obligation to have contact with your daughter and no real way to know for sure if she even IS your daughter. On the other hand, you might have a daughter that you never knew ( end quote )

    This is a little shy of the full truth. Its actually both legal and moral. If she is your daughter and at some point Im sure someone is going to ask for proof then you also have an heir. For whatever reason the mother chose to hide you from the child but there could be things happening your not aware of. Keep in mind your under no obligation to meet her. If your not comfortable with it then don't until you sort out your feelings. Phone calls and emails and get to know you before actually meeting is also OK. She and mom had 21 years to think about it... you were just handed a bombshell. Take your time and gather your thoughts and words. Meet on your terms. And with luck you can enjoy a relationship with your new daughter. And if its ever comes to the point of proof also get your name on the birth certificate. Good Luck.
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