[steph1990]

I am getting married soon to my husband and my mom doesn't approve of him. How do I tell her? I am scared she will cut off my money for college!! What should I do??

[KertAllikvee]

She won't cut off your money.. Your future is the most important thing to her.. I mean just go straight to her and tell it, she might get mad but soon she will accept it... I Promise

[starbuck8]

She wont cut off your money.. Your future is the most important thing to her..I mean just go straight to her and tell it, she might get mad but soon she will accept it...I Promise

KertAllikvee, I won't give you a reddie (disagree) for now. Careful when making "promises" here. You don't know her mother, or the family dynamics.

What are the reasons that your mother doesn't like your boyfriend? She must have some reason that she doesn't like him. Perhaps you could sit down and discuss why she doesn't like him first. Then you could slowly bring up the subject of marriage. A little more communication with your mom will go a long way. She might be able to see things you can't see. I'm not saying that you should or should not get married, but you are on the inside of this relationship. Your Mom is on the outside looking in, and it is often clearer when you can take a step back and look at the reasons she has these issues with your boyfriend.

You will need your Mother for other things at some point, like with your college money. So be careful how your handle telling her, and respect her enough to listen to her. She has your college money in her hands. Think carefully about that. That is for your future well being. Do you want to take the chance to lose that in order to get married right now against your mothers wishes? I don't know you're mother or your traditions, and if you are afraid she'll take it away from you, then I'm sure you have a reason to believe that.

Again, communicate with her and listen to what she has to say. I'm assuming you're 18 by looking at your username, so what is your hurry? Why rush into marriage? Why not consider getting your college degree first? If your boyfriend loves you and you love him, which I assume you do, then waiting to get married shouldn't change anything, and is likely your better bet.

[ScottGem]

I am getting married soon to my husband

How can you get married to your husband? If he's your husband aren't you already married? Did you marry him secretly? How old are you both?

Bottomline here is your mom can cut off your college funds if she wants. You should have considered this before you set wedding plans.

You would be better off trying to change mom's mind about your fiancée.

[ja77]

Op I would ask -

Why is your mom so dead against this man ?

What is your age ?

And as above post are you already married ?

[N0help4u]

After you do everything Starbuck has said then you need to decide what is most important to you and how to go about your dreams independent of your mother if she does cut you off.
Say she is still dead set against your husband to be and does cut you off. You need to decide do you want to stay with mom, not get married and go to college. Do you want to get married, apply for loans and grants and work your way through college yourself. Do you want to get married and just skip college for now. What is the best way to budget to afford whatever you decide, etc...

[Fr_Chuck]

First if you are mature enough, you just go tell her. If you are not mature enough to do this, you are not old enough or ready to get married.

Next yes she may cut off your money, so your husband will have to help pay or you will have to work

[dontknownuthin]

If you aren't through college yet, getting married now is probably not the best idea. Finish school first, then when you are financially independent, make your own decisions as an independent adult.

The difference between now and later isn't just age and time - it's a difference between a financially dependent young person, and a fully independent, self-reliant person who is fully educated and prepared for the responsibility of living separate from their parents- purse strings and all.

If it's the right man, he'll wait. In the meantime, perhaps your mother can get to know him and see that he's good for you... unless of course, he isn't. In that case, perhaps it will be enough time for you to let the relationship either improve or run its course without the added complexity of either marrying under negative circumstances (disapproving parents) or marrying the wrong man.

[Starbucks21]

Well I hate to say it and I hope not but yes... She does have free will to cut college funding (unless it's in something like a grant/bond in your name

But if you are mature enough to get married then you are mature enough to tell her. It will be hard and as long as the reason isn't "I'm pregnant," I'm sure she'll probably be happy. If you don't tell her she might feel that you feel you're ashamed of her. Most mothers do like to go through the steps of wedding planning with their daughters even with small one.

Mothers only want happiness for their daughters. Maybe you should ask why she disapproves of him. She might see something through her experience that you don't right now.

[starbuck8]

Are you sure your mother is actually disaproving of your choice in a husband, or could it possibly be that you have made some bad choices prior to this, and isn't sure you will make the right decisions. Of course we have all made bad choices in our lives, but there could be something she sees from the outside looking in, that you can't see because you are blinded by love.

My sense is that your mother probably wants what is best for you, and she senses this isn't it, at this point in time. Maybe if you waited for awhile, she may be more comfortable with it. She might feel that once you marry, you may not use your college fund wisely, or may possibly drop out mid term, and her hard earned money will have been for nothing.

Also, depending on her reason for disaproving of your choice in a husband, your mother may think that once your college fund becomes available to you, your "then husband" may have the influence over you to not choose the career path that she had hoped for you, or that you had discussed.

It is your college fund that your mother has likely worked hard to save for you, so she is entitled to some input here.

[ScottGem]

As happens too often, we have an OP who posts once never to return. She has not logged on since she posted the OP. So I suggest waiting until we see if she finds her way back before prolonging this thread.