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husky04 · Jan 1, 2009, 07:47 PM

I know what your saying and I will try to do that. Now I do wish I would have just left her alone but I didn't and that's my own fault.

I'm willing to correct my actions and go back to no contact, I felt a lot better during those 4 days, I just need to do that for a lot longer. She is not meant for me and she just isn't in the same mindset as I am. She wants to have fun and be with 10 guys at a time,and I want a relationship. She's not worth it at all and I need to realize that. :/

N0help4u · Jan 1, 2009, 07:51 PM

Often all we can do is recognize the qualities we did like in somebody and move on to find them in somebody more suitable.

husky04 · Jan 1, 2009, 08:39 PM

Guys I'm not looking forward to getting yelled and screamed at tomorrow, she just called and told me she's coming at 4:30 tomorrow. I really don't want her to come and she was being a bit**already on the phone. I don't know how to tell her I don't want her to come. She said it might make it better but why do I need to make it better if she hates me? I need to know what to tell her, do I call and say hey I don't want you to come tomorrow or should I be mean about it?

jmw0713 · Jan 1, 2009, 08:41 PM

Don't be mean. If you don't want her to come over... tell her. Stand up for yourself and quit being her punching bag.

expat2009 · Jan 1, 2009, 08:45 PM

Be firm without being mean. Explain to her you don't see a reason to talk about things. You guys are broken up and that's that. This will probably set you back buddy. If you already know she's going to be mean then why take her sh*t ?

husky04 · Jan 1, 2009, 08:54 PM

Thank you guys, I took your advice and told her what expat said and she took it pretty bad. She said I can't handle it and I'm immature. I don't know how this makes me immature but right now I'm just laughing about it, she's nothing and obviously doesn't know what she's talking about.

expat2009 · Jan 1, 2009, 09:03 PM

Good one buddy, who is the immature one here? You are the one trying to move on with your life while she still won't let you. She is the one slutting around right after you split not you. I think you handled things very well.. there is no reason for you take any more pain just so that she can have you as a plan B. Even less from a girl you know isn't even worth it.

This is all about you now, who cares how SHE handled it? It only matters how YOU will handle it from now on. And by the looks of it, you already know what do so you can start healing and moving on to better things.

All the best and good luck,
Expat

JBeaucaire · Jan 1, 2009, 10:28 PM

Stay out of conversations with her. Let your voice mail take the calls, delete text messages without reading them.

If you stumble into a conversation, agree politely (bordering on sarcastic, but not quite... ) with everything she says, "Yes, I know, I'm very immature...good thing you got away from me. Bye."

If she won't leave you alone, a "little" rude goes a long way. If necessary, use it, but only if necessary. "Stop calling me, you're being rude pushing and pushing when I've asked you politely to stop. Now stop, and stay stopped. Find someone else to jerk around."

husky04 · Jan 4, 2009, 08:17 PM

Hi guys, I'm having some problems again, and I'm afraid I made a HUGE mistake. The ex ended up coming over the other day when I told her she couldn't. She said we needed to talk about things..

We talked for about 45 minutes and she basically was nice but told me how bad of a person I am. Then she started crying? And I made my first mistake.. I hugged her. Then we sat there for a bit talking some more and then she says "friendly hookup?" then I make my second mistake. We kissed for a while.. I feel so stupid for that now. I thought it didn't set me back at first, but it did.

We started talking again and she says we are friends now. I know I'm probably back to square one. She says she doesn't want to any kind of relationship and said we could maybe hook up every now and then. I would like that but it wouldn't help my healing process I can't do that! She said it wasn't the same when we kissed which I didn't want to hear. She's going to hang out with another guy Wednesday since she is done with her other relationship. I made so many mistakes and if I could I would go back and correct them. But I can't and now I don't know what to do! I messed up.. BAD

N0help4u · Jan 4, 2009, 08:23 PM

Not only won't it help your healing process but she will have you twisted around her pinkie at HER convenience. If you are a bad person why does she want to bother with you?

husky04 · Jan 4, 2009, 08:28 PM

Yeah I don't want that at all. I just wish I wouldn't have done that. I don't know what to tell her because she asked if it was leading me on and of course I said no. but now I don't know wheather I should try to go back to no contact or just stay friends with her and tell her we can't hook up anymore..

talaniman · Jan 4, 2009, 09:19 PM

Enough talk, that's what keeps you under her thumb. Go no contact, and ignore all her attempts at contacting you. That will keep you from being played like her fool for a while. Actions not words, tell her nothing. Just do it.

kctiger · Jan 5, 2009, 07:01 AM

What is so hard about understanding you CANNOT be friends with her right now? It isn't possible... really! Take your life back, and step 1 in that process is eliminating her from your life. No talking, texting, emailing, looking at pics, NO FACEBOOK/MySpace, nothing! She doesn't exist anymore, period! You either take back your life, or continue to live in pain. Your call.

husky04 · Jan 5, 2009, 07:05 PM

Thank you I think I needed that kc, haha. I'm once again back on the nc wagon AGAIN. This time of the night around 9 is always the hardest for me.

Eveyone is right I have to get my life back and I can't be wrapped around her finger like I was. I will continue to update my progress as I NEED to stick to nc this time or ill just keep hurting.

It helps a lot coming on here reading how everyone else made it so there's no reason why I cant. I'm still young and there are so many better girls out there! Ill just have to come on here and post when I'm struggling and continue to update. It helps a lot hearing everyone else`s feedback knowing your still supportive after everything.

jmw0713 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:08 PM

Everyone goes through slips and falls. It's a part of life.

It's how you recover from these slips and falls that really define how successful you will be in the future. If you learn from your mistakes and make an effort to not repeat them, you will learn a lot and be very successful.

Just remember with mistakes come consequences. Your consequences will be prolonged pain and emotional suffering the more you entertain this girl and play her game.

HistorianChick · Jan 6, 2009, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by husky04

me she hates me more then anyone now..

She hates you more than the guy that she said raped her?? All because you were being honest and trying to cut out the poisoning, toxic, twisted thing that was your relationship?

She hates you because you love her despite her disgusting habits and lying, cheating heart?

She hates you?

Hon, this girl is not worth it.

She is hurting you and you're letting her. You have all the cards in your hands... don't let her take them from you. Its YOUR life, not hers. Don't give her the right to slowly rot your heart from the inside out.

husky04 · Jan 7, 2009, 08:02 PM

Thank you for the advice, second day of my third try at no contact. I have a few questions on how I should react in certain situations.

I think I'm doing this right, in school when I see her I completely ignore her, she said hi once, I said hi in a very blunt way and kept walking. She gives me the occasional text and I don't answer.

She sent me another one and said "whats your deal?" I answered back and said nothing at all. Is this the best way to go about things? I see her every day so I'm still wondering.

JBeaucaire · Jan 7, 2009, 09:32 PM

No contact means you DON'T answer texts, even rude ones, with texts of your own, even rude ones.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. If you go from loving behavior to hateful behavior, you haven't gone far enough. You need to go all the way to "I don't care, I don't need to care any longer...do what you want, I don't care."

No contact means "don't spend any time on her at all."

talaniman · Jan 8, 2009, 09:26 AM

No contact means "don't spend any time on her at all."

Because she doesn't know what your doing, why should you care? You owe her nothing, as your busy and unavailable as you mind your own business, and don't have time for her BS. Be polite, but busy, and keep doing what your doing.

Thats the beauty of NC, you don't have to care.

husky04 · Jan 10, 2009, 10:09 PM

Update- I have been doing pretty good going no contact, tonight I went to a girls house and drank a bit.. of course there is more.. she found out I was there which wasn't good news to her...

She calls me and tells me she hates me and says she was starting to get feelings for me again but I blew it. Is she saying this just to make me feel bad? I am immedietly going back to no contact. Why does she have to tell me she had feelings for me after this happened? Ahhhh!