[tryingtobeoptim]

My fiancé and I have been dating a little over two years and just got engaged a couple weeks ago. I love him so much, and I am looking forward to committing to him, living together and one day, starting a family. And while I have an inner princess – I want a small, simple wedding. So we booked a vineyard that can accommodate up to 120 people.

This began the drama. My parents hosted his parents for dinner to meet and talk about the wedding. His father expressed his "strong preference" for a ceremony in a Catholic Church. Am Catholic and have done all my sacraments but I do not belong to a church. My fiancé has never been to church other than the day he was baptized. A Catholic priest will not marry us outside the church (which my future father-in-law will not believe). My grandmother also is disturbed by our decision to not marry in church. We wanted to have a friend get ordained to marry us at the winery.
Do we:
a) do what we want - ordained friend
b) my second choice: civil servant
c) church (pricier)
d) priest from catholic church of americas
e) minister

Only 120 guests means my whole extended family needs to be widdled down. So I decided not to invite my cousins but just my aunts and uncles. Although my cousin who is my age will be a bridesmaid so I am inviting her brother. This has caused drama. One of my uncles said he will not come because his son is not invited.

I don't want to even have this wedding since it is no longer "simple". I am down playing how stressful this drama has been and what all has been said. WHAT DO I DO?

[N0help4u]

You print up the invitations and if they have a problem with it they don't have to show up.
You could have the wedding your way and then possibly have a very very basic simple ceremony for the family at your father in law to be's church as well.

[tryingtobeoptim]

Get this... my future father in law isn't a member of a church. The last time he went was when my fiancé was baptized 24 years ago... silly, huh?

[N0help4u]

Yeah that is what gets me about a lot of religions they are big on the church but they don't even go. Some think that churches are only for baptisms and weddings.

[tryingtobeoptim]

It's mainly to keep up appearances. He is this wealthy, stubborn lobbyist who always gets his way and has this strong belief. He has not bothered to get to know me while his son and I dated nor has he offered to pay for anything. So appeasing him is not exactly top of my list... but I love my fiancé and don't want to cause a rift with him and his parents.

[N0help4u]

Do what you and your fiancé agree to. Don't appease him because you can't please everybody.

[tryingtobeoptim]

Should we tell him before the wedding day about our plans?

[artlady]

Your day.. your wedding do what you and your future husband feel is best for you!

You only get married once and it should be a day you remember for the rest of your life.Fond memories of a day when you committed yourself to the love of your life.

It is about you and him... no one else.

Many Blessings!

[tryingtobeoptim]

Thanks very much t both of you. It helps to get an outsider's perspective!

[starbuck8]

Oh boy, weddings are fun aren't they? Family and friends like to stick their noses in where they don't belong. This is your day, not theirs. I find it ridiculous that your fiancee's father insists on a church wedding, when he doesn't belong to one himself! He is being unreasonable for sure! Get married in a place that you love and makes your day special.

Has your fiancée sat down and had a talk with his father? Maybe if they had a conversation, he would understand why you chose your location. Personally, I have never understood why some people insist on church weddings if the bride and groom want another location. God created everything around us, (my opinion) long before man built churches! Maybe a compromise could be made if you went with a catholic priest that will give his blessing. Maybe your fiancee's father could also sit down with this priest. If he doesn't want to do that... oh well, you tried!

As far as family members that say they will not come if their children aren't invited? Tell them they will be missed.

At the end of the day, they are your memories. Do what feels right for you. If people can't agree or at least compromise, then you can feel at ease in the knowledge that you tried.

Good luck to you! Sounds like you're going to need it! ;)

[Starbucks21]

Part of me just want to tell you screw it... it's not worth it... elope and lift the burden and stress off because weddings are suppose to be happy (and tell them before hand if you do) I recommend a bed and breakfast but town hall works too

But This is where if it's too stressful... and they really want this all done to their way exactly... let them do it... Sit back and relax... If it gets too expensive tell them you don't have the money... The important thing is the person you marry... not the a big one night party that we know as a wedding.

And for the original question... The Friend is the easiest on you

[Starbucks21]

The one key very important thing to remember is though... it is you and your fiance's day. It will be memorable no matter what

And don't forget to pick your battles because there are plenty to be found

Is the icing on the cake really important? Or location?