[jmw0713]

You can't instantly turn off your love an caring for someone. I don't think you ever truly stop loving a person, you just love someone else more. I still love my ex even though she has been doing all of these hurtful things and most likely always will. Its not something that goes away overnight. I know that when the right person comes along, I will love her more.

[talaniman]

Because you miss her, and can't think of how dumb she made you feel. Or the false hope she still fills you with which should be gone, all gone now. Just in time for the New Year, so go kiss somebody.

[Nestorian]

I really dont know where to start... first off, i am 17 years old, and dated an amazing girl since last september. Everything was great. First, she told me she wanted a break. for no reason, all she said is we fought too much. and she wanted to let loose with other guys. my friends tell me she isnt worth it, but i always thought she was the one. Yeah im young, but i feel like i could never feel like this with anyone else ever, soooo many memories. we pretty much planned our whole life together. we "thought" we were so in love. i still feel like i am. just a little bit on her, this is the girl ive been totally drooling over for 4 years now. everything was going great i thought, i treated her like royalty. but at times she was very mean and cruel to me. she got mad about the smallest things.

Now this past weekend, 3 days after she dumps me, she hooks up with 2 guys in 2 days, and now thinks she has alot of feelings for this guy. she told me im never allowed to talk to her again. but a week ago she told me maybe we could date in a couple months. now she never wants to talk to me again. just because of our past i feel like maybe we could get back together in a few years. she already has moved on after 3 days. i just can't get her out of my head, everything i do reminds me of her. she really makes no sense. but i am so lost, and really dont want to move on, some girls are so shallow, and i really dont see anyone right now who could replace her. i just need some help on how to move on for this specific situation, and hopefully move on without her. i just can't help but think about all of our amazing times together, and can never think of the bad ones. believe me there was alot of bad times. but we had so many magical times together, she was definitely my first love, and i wanted her to be the one. i still think she is. do you think she will realize i am the one for her and come running back? or is it over?

I hear you brother. I've gone through the same thing, a little different though. I was 23 and lived with my girl for 3 years, and dated out of high school for 4 years. She told me one day, I'm going to my sisters for a while. Then she told me she was going to date another guy. But they were just friends. Three really pain full weeks of her coming home and cuddling me when she felt like it, then leaving with him to do what ever they did, tore me apart. She was the only girl I've ever dated, and the one I thought would have my kids and all kinds of stuff. We talked about our future and stuff, but she decided one day that I wasn't for her. Though she was unsure, so she kind of didn't "leave" me but she had. It's bin 2 years I'm still torn in side, and I know it's not going to go away, but I still love her, even after she did what she did. The only way to get over things like that, is get up, go out, NO DO NOT GET DRUNK but have a fun night with friends. Keep as busy as you can, but allow time for you to let go too. If she wants back you have to decide is she worth it? There are tons of wonderful girls out there, you just have to give yourself and them a chance to meet. SO keep active and meet people, be friendly. Also remember you know what it'll be like with her, but who knows what waits for you in the future? That's what keeps me going, the fact that there are so manny possibilities, and I can't even imagine them all.

Bottom line, I gave my life to please my ex, and I still love her. Though all I wanted was to have kids and settle down, she siad she wasn't ready, then got with a guy who has kids. But would I take her back, no. I've met a few women who are great friends, funnier, funner, more interesting, nicer, and yeah they tought me a lot about how great sex can be when you really do love some one. I'm not with those girls any more but I learned that I want a little of all of them. So I've decided to wait till I meet a girl who I feel meets what I want, and who wants me not because we make each other happy, but because together or apart we are happy, and still want to betogether.


Any who, good luck, try to keep buisy, and try to forget what you don't have.

The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. ;)

[rose1111]

When I was "in love" many times I looked past the bad things. But when it was over I kept recalling the good times and each time I was haunted by these memories I would recall the bad time that went with it, cause it seemed like it would go good bad good bad back and forth.Realizing that I felt a little better recognizing that my heart had felt bad at times I exorcised the haunting and found that all my heart wanted was to be heard. The heart does know what's right and wrong. Take time for yourself to know truly what you felt so that you will know what to look for and you you won't hurt your heart again. Being "in love" and being loved and loving someone are two different things. You just let one part of your heart run away with you. True love is not unkind, jealous, hurtful. I know because it happened for me.

[husky04]

Ahhhh I just hate knowing she's moved on and she hates me. I love her so much and would still do anything for her. I don't think she ever felt the same for me which sucks. Now I see all of her pictures with other guys arms around her and stuff on Facebook. It just sucks

[kctiger]

There is a simple solution to that... GET RID OF FACEBOOK!! We have all posted on here hundreds of times about how EVIL those social networking sites are. You have the power to stop looking at pics of her, and to stop causing yourself pain, so do it! First and foremost, for your own mental health, get rid of Facebook now, believe me, it will not do any good for you to have it.

[JBeaucaire]

If one of things you would do for love is set aside your need to be with someone who actually longed after you the way you're longing for her... then you have some serious stuff to work out.

Feelings are fine, but you don't make life-changing choices over them, regardless off what Hollywood or Barnes&Noble say to the contrary.

Let's put this another way - the kind of love that matters most is not the kind that wants and craves to have, it's the kind that respects and craves to give.

You'll know you have discovered the love I'm talking about when you are willing to sacrifice and give out of your life for the well-being and happiness of the one you love. That includes being WILLING and able to walk away let your loved one be free if that's what would make them happy. You WANT that for them.

Most people get stuck just prior to that kind of love, at the kind of love that centers around "my needs" and "my wants" and what it means in my heart to have that person gone. It's a more selfish (and more common) kind of love, and it's the root of so much pain being stuck there for so long.

Just some food for thought.

[husky04]

Thanks kc, I just deleted the Facebook, it's the easiest solution, she wants to come over tomorrow to talk and I asked if its to yell at me some more and tell me what's wrong with me or is it going to make you hate me less. She said a little bit of both. I don't know if I should let her or not..

I don't quite know if it was true love since she doesn't love me anymore, she said the things I pulled made her not love me anymore. I don't even know what I did. I was doing good but now the past two days I've been struggling again.

[kctiger]

thanks kc, i just deleted the facebook, its the easiest solution, she wants to come over tomorrow to talk and i asked if its to yell at me some more and tell me whats wrong with me or is it going to make you hate me less. she said a little bit of both. idk if i should let her or not..

i dont quite know if it was true love since she doesnt love me anymore, she said the things i pulled made her not love me anymore. i dont even know what i did. i was doing good but now the past two days ive been struggling again.

Clearly it is time to leave her in the past, let her go, and start to rebuild your life, which includes bettering yourself as a person. You need to realize you have the power to make the pain and hurt go away, but you aren't very proactive in making this happen. I mean, why do you need to talk to her? Just erase yourself from her life, and vice versa, so you can begin the healing process. You are simply prolonging the pain and agony for yourself... why start the new year off like that?

[husky04]

OK I know I need to move on, did any of you have trouble with just moving on? You had to its not as easy as you make it sound. After always talking to this girl for 4 years its hard to just quit now you know? Is it bad that I still wish she would just come back to me? I don't need to talk to this girl, but I just can't help it. I need to stop talking to the woman who caused all of this pain. I just wish it was as easy as it sounds

[N0help4u]

Yes it is hard to move on but you just have to keep occupying your mind and your time with hobbies and activities. Even coming here to answer questions can help get your mind off her somewhat.

[kctiger]

Of course it is hard. I am on month four, and I am still not over it yet. No one said it would be easy, but it isn't something you have a choice about. You can either live the rest of your life in sorrow that your "true love" isn't with you anymore, or you can pick yourself up off the ground and move on. It will take time, but it is entirely possible to do, as everyone has been where you are right now. The longer you keep talking to her and letting her feed you this false sense of hope, however, the longer it will take you to move on.

I do wish my ex would come back to me, but I also wish I had a million dollars... believe me, you can wish all you want, but don't for one second think that just because you wish for it, that it makes it come true... or that it even makes it a good thing. "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need."

Carry on. Leave her alone and focus yourself towards moving on.

[talaniman]

Its very hard to move on, and maybe it is easier said than done. But your doing it for you, and if your aren't willing to work hard for yourself, do you expect anyone to do it for you??

Wish there was a magic pill, but there isn't, so get busy. It does take time.

HINT- Time flies when your having fun.

[jmw0713]

Distractions at this time are key. Find anything to do to keep your mind off her. Even though, you can't stay distracted all the time, every little bit helps.

I know when I'm out with friends doing things, I really don't think about her. Only when I'm bored and alone do my thoughts wander and do I really think about her.

[husky04]

Distractions at this time are key. Find anything to do to keep your mind off of her. Even though, you can't stay distracted all the time, every little bit helps.

I know when I'm out with friends doing things, I really don't think about her. Only when I'm bored and alone do my thoughts wander and do I really think about her.

Yeah that's exactly what it is, but for me I really need to be distracted. When I'm alone and bored I really start to get sad and those thoughts come back.

[jmw0713]

Well you got to stay as busy as you possibly can.

Find new hobbies, new friends, talk to new girls, take on more responsibility at work, join a sports team. Something to stay busy.

I am currently checking out this local sports and social club to join in the spring to find new friends and get myself outside.

[husky04]

The thing is I've done most of those things already, it helps but I still find myself thinking about her a lot and having that urge to send her a text message.

She is coming over tomorrow to talk and she says its really needed. But I know she's just going to be yelling at me the whole time about what I did wrong so I'm not very excited about this. I plan on going back to nc right after this.
I told her I don't know if I want to talk and she said whatever we won't you obviously can't handle it, so I said we would because I want to prove to her that I'm getting over her. How should I react when she is yelling and telling me everything that's wrong with me?

[jmw0713]

If there is any way at all to avoid this meeting, do it. Do sit there and be her punching bag. You don't deserve that. You have nothing to prove to her. People heal at their own pace. You can't force it.

[talaniman]

Geez Husky, if you had left her alone when she dumped you, she wouldn't have to jump down your throat. Stop with the excuses, why don't you, and leave her out of your life. Its called disappear.

I want to prove to her that I'm getting over her

You have proved by your actions, that you have not.

You really need to correct yourself, as this is going down hill fast.

[N0help4u]

Prove you are getting over her by telling her there is nothing to talk over because of the fact that you are over her. Why torture yourself to prove anything to her?