[fugalvoice]

Hello,

I'm a bit distraught and this may be a bit long. Anyway, I've had a long distance relationship with this a girl for about two months. On the positive side, she's intelligent, reciprocative, and extremely outgoing. On the negative side, she's a bit free-spirited, and sometimes a little less communicative about what's going on than I like.

The relationship started when we were both working on a cruise ship about 5 months ago. Everything has been pretty OK so far. The only hitch has been her ex-boyfriend whom she went out with for five years off and on before I was in the picture. She flew out to see him in Seattle right when we started to get going, and that eventually ended up in my favor, because she said that "they don't work," and she also told me that "nothing happened," as far as physically is concerned. That whole relationship still bugs me, but when I bring it up it's generally pretty confrontational/defensive on her end, and she ends up saying "he was an important part of my life, and I don't want to break ties with him." I can respect that, obviously. Makes me a little uncomfortable, but I can work with it.

I have visited her now three times (the drive is about 250 miles), and her parents love me, we've had good times, and we have been talking on the phone like every day. It's been pretty OK until this past weekend. I went up there on Christmas Day, which was totally cool. She bought me stuff, I bought her some stuff. Her family was really nice, etc, etc... It was great until she decided to go out on Friday night with her friends. I am a composer, so I decided to stay and catch up on some work. About 30 minutes after she left, I wanted to spend the time with her while I was there, so I drove out there. Anyway, it was mostly fine until later on when I was going to leave. When I was going to close out, she asked if I left her front door unlocked. I did, and she got hella pissed. Anyway, so I was like whatever, and just left. She sent me text messages and things seemed OK for the most part, but I was expecting her to at least wake me up and talk to me when she got home so we could resolve things fully. Well, she didn't. She went into her room, and I ended up waking up around like 4 kind of pissed, and I wanted to talk. At this point I was ready to leave, because I didn't feel comfortable staying there at all because of the way things were going. She was pissed because I wanted to leave, and things just spiraled! It ended up being OK after some talking, then we woke up the next day, and things were pretty cool then too. We went to lunch and I guess because we were both tired and irritable, some minor things happened again. Well, things became OK again, then I left. I found out last night (24 hours after the fact) that her ex-boyfriend's parents took her out to dinner that same night. (mildy annoying) When I seemed a little put-off by this, she got somewhat rude and upset again. Then she was like "what do you want me to do, account to you?"

So, yesterday, I leveled with her. I told her that I still have trust issues about this ex-boyfriend thing. I told her that things have been really up in the air, and that I feel like I deserve to know where things stand. (She calls me boyfriend sometimes to people, but declines to associate a title) I also apologized for the things that I said that weren't nice. (like wanting to leave... that was probably a little childish) She didn't really respond much to repeated questions of "how do you feel about all of this?," or "what should we do?." The most I got was, "I think I'm still bitter about our arguments on Saturday."

Now, I'm somewhat at a loss. She told me she wanted to take a day to herself to think about things, so of course I am graciously agreeing, but silently thinking about her all the time. I just don't know if I'm a fool for wanting to continue things with her. Does anyone have any opinions on this? I welcome any!

[tickle]

Seems it went from zero to 2 months for you wanting total commitment. You are moving too fast and I think she realizes this. I would say you two need time out because the relationship, in my opinion, isn't even off the ground yet. Take a break.

Ms tickle

[fugalvoice]

Thanks for your post. We pretty much resolved everything today. It's all good. She feels as strongly as I do, and things are probably going to be fine.

Cheers!

Joey

[tickle]

I guess you were jumping to too many conclusions and not reading her correctly. That can happen, fugalvoice. Communication is the key and not letting misunderstandings ruin the day.

Good luck :)