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jjwoodhull · Dec 28, 2008, 09:04 PM

I have a friend that I have been friends with literally our whole lives (we are now in our 30s). As kids we were together all the time. As adults, we have always made time for each other, talking on the phone, emailing, holidays together, vacations together. I would not call her my "best" friend. But she is certainly one of my closest friends and my oldest friend.

She recently got engaged and I am shocked that she did not ask me to be in her wedding party. She was engaged once before and I was her maid of honor. (The wedding never happened.) She is having 6 bridesmaids - her sister, her brother's girlfriend and 4 friends.

I am not hurt or jealous about not "being a bridesmaid". When I think about putting on the dress and walking down the aisle, I am relieved that I don't have to do that. However, when I think about all that we have been through together, I am hurt that she does not want to share this big day in her life with me. It makes me think that she doesn't love me as much as I love her. It makes me really sad.

Am I over reacting? How do I get over it?

Krissy_Michelle · Dec 28, 2008, 09:32 PM

Has she invited you to her Wedding as a Guest? Making a decision for people in the Wedding Party, is just one of the stress points for a Bride. I produce Wedding Video, and have seen first hand, what goes on behind the scenes. Not a pretty sight sometimes.

Have you asked her Why? You aren't in her Wedding Party this time. There could be a very good reason, sometimes not what we want to hear.

Love is not something we can measure. We always think we love someone more, than they love us, or vice versa.

If it were me, I would be extremely hurt & confused. She thought of you enough before to have you in Prime Position (Maid of Honor)

Are you overreacting? Hahaha, good one!! Any NORMAL person would do juts as you!! So if you are, join the club, I'm a card holder on occasion.
Call her! But do something. The longer this stews in your heart, the more it will hurt.

Krissy

jjwoodhull · Dec 29, 2008, 09:25 AM

Thanks for answering the question. I also work in the wedding industry and agree that I have seen it all!

I was invited as a guest. In fact she called me 30 minutes after she got engaged to give me the good news. So, I don't think she is mad at me.

I am afraid to question her because I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want either of us to say anything that will cause irrepreable damage.

spitvenom · Dec 29, 2008, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

I am not hurt or jealous about not "being a bridesmaid". When I think about putting on the dress and walking down the aisle, I am relieved that I don't have to do that.

I am not saying you did this but I was wondering When you were asked to be her maid of honor the first time she was engaged did you give the impression that maybe you didn't want to be in the wedding? It is the only thing I could think of.

jjwoodhull · Dec 29, 2008, 09:56 AM

Not at all - I was very excited at that time to be her maid of honor.

My problem now is not really not being in the wedding party, but what my exclusion implies.

spitvenom · Dec 29, 2008, 10:01 AM

I wouldn't waste any time worrying about what it implies. I wasn't in my best friends wedding either (we have been friends since we were 4 and we are now in our 30's) but I was invited. Had a great time and saved money since I didn't have to rent a tux or anything like that. I say don't worry about it go to the wedding and have a great time.

jjwoodhull · Dec 29, 2008, 10:08 AM

You're right. I need to get over it.

dontknownuthin · Dec 31, 2008, 01:08 AM

She may feel weird about having you in this wedding because you were maid of honor the first time. She may feel that repeating the roles in the next wedding is awkward. She may also feel that since you spent a lot of money on showers, gifts and your outfit the first time around, asking again would be a huge imposition. Clearly she thinks a lot of you, so focus on that and just know that you just saved $200 you would have spent on a hideous dress, and another $40 for died to match shoes... you can go looking like a goddess and have a great time!

N0help4u · Jan 1, 2009, 07:49 PM

It could be something as simple as all the others and family and friends pressuring her for the ones she has in the wedding to be in the wedding. Like you said her brothers girlfriend that sounds like a family pressure thing. Then the other friends may have made her feel obligated to them.
I doubt it is anything personal. Go have a good time and if she feels comfortable she will possibly bring up why.

herc56789 · Aug 16, 2009, 07:37 AM

She may not want to impose on you again, worrying about the expense and inconvenience of being a bridesmaid. And it could mean that she feels obligated to some newer people in her life, pressured maybe to ask them, whereas she feels more secure in her friendship with you. If you don't know the other bridesmaids or it involves travel, it might prove uncomfortable for you -- this way you can just enjoy the wedding and she can vent with you her good friend about all the hassles of the wedding. As someone who is NOT in the wedding party, you may be able to offer her more support. Again, I think this just means she was probably pressured to ask newer people in her life to be in the actual wedding party.