[lavendar35]

I'm a virgin. My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a year. Why on and off you ask, or maybe you don't, but I will briefly explain why. He had feelings for me for 9 months and I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship, but as soon as he started seeing someone else, my jealous inner child kicked in and I "confessed" my feelings for him. I did like him, I always did, I just honestly wasn't ready for a relationship... until I felt a pang of jealousy and wanted him back. Anyway, he stopped seeing the other girl and started seeing me instead.

After a month or so, he questioned me about oral and whether I was ready (he had lost his virginity at 15). Me, being a total virgin, refused and told him I wasn't ready. A month later, I realized he had been cheating on me with the other girl the whole time... I was devastated, but saw it coming; it was partially my own fault, it was very irrational and inconsiderate of me to confess my feelings for him as soon as I felt like he wasn't mine anymore. Anyway, he told me that after months of having feelings for me and I ignoring him, he wanted to get me back and therefore went out and cheated... (we both have 6 year old inner children, you see).

Anyway, long story short (unless it's too late to make it short) I took him back, because I was miserable, insecure, and had feelings for him. Again however, the oral topic came back. He constantly tells me: "you're not willing to move forward in life, and I'm not willing to go backwards...sex is a big part of a serious relationship and my eyes are starting to wander. I'm starting to look at other girls and wondering how much more I'd be sexually fulfilled if I was to be with someone else. You know I love you, and I know you love me too, and this is so special...why are you letting us go to waste? There's a first time for everything."

Is he right? Am I a complete child? You may wonder why I'm not ready and the answer is quite simple: I've been brought up in a Muslim household, my mom even sports the whole headscarf. I do follow the religion, but definitely not strictly. Anyway, my boyfriend is an atheist. He can't put himself in my shoes and keeps telling me how sexually frusterated he is. Maybe I can't put myself in his shoes either? I love him to death, I honestly do, just because I'm not ready to give oral or have sex doesn't mean I don't. But what do I do? Is he right, am I a total useless girlfriend? There is no other piece of advice I'd rather hear than from the admins of this site... I need professional help.

[A_Friend]

Listen very carefully. Since, you mentioned you are a Muslim!

The guy you just talked about is more interested in pervert-sex than you as a person. And I believe he's not mature enough for a relationship but the one that 'pleases' him his way. So, basically he's looking for pleasure wherever he gets it from.

Someone else, if not you!

It may be hard for you to drop his very thought but you have to take the right step now. Losing your dignity, respect and essence for a jerk is not a wise deal. You would definitely find someone real good in your life who would respect your feeling and stance.

This sex-freak didn't care about you at all. All he cares is someone who could soothe his kink of mind - that he probably got from watching porn stuff - he's desperate and NOT interested in you no matter whatever he says.

If today you would say yes to his Oral-request tomorrow he may ask you to get laid with him and the next day he's off for another girl.

This guy doesn't deserve you. Again, you are a Muslim.
Stand firm. It may appear 'devastating' leaving him right now for good but it would not be more devastating than what you would get out once you are "done" with him.

Find someone who really loves / respects you and your feeling not someone commanded by a fad of sex.

The jerk doesn't deserve you. Wave your flag high.
Make your mind! Kill his thought. Forget him. Time is the best healer. You will for sure find a real good partner compatible with you. This jerk doesn't deserve you.

He's already cheating on you and doesn't care really about your feelings. Don't even think that life would be difficult for you once he's gone. Make up your mind. If you have to leave him, leave him NOW without any after-though. No repentance. Stay firm.

It's easy.
It's the best for you.
Don't let yourself, your dignity go for a LOOSER!

[Choux]

YOu sound like a smart and interesting girl... and not lacking in self-confidence and courage. There will be many men crossing your path... don't settle for servicing this manipulator!! Don't lose your dignity at the alter of male abuse at such a tender age, girl. :)

Best wishes,

[A_Friend]

It makes me write again to you..

Come on girl.. what are you doing? Loving an atheist! That's the crap that you would get out of him.

Get back on track. He would emotionally black mail you for the sin. Don't be trapped.

Don't 'sell' your virginity for cheap.
He doesn't deserve you!

I am really worried about you.

[Starbucks21]

1. Your not a child for practicing your religion by not having sex before marriage.

2. He needs to respect you as a person for being who you are.

3. If you don't want to and you feel it's wrong... Then don't do it

4. In boyfriend/girlfriend relationships like that one... sex in relationship... Turn on the Maury show. It opens up whole sorts of problems... Stds... accidental pregnancy (your parents wouldn't be thrilled)...

[Wondergirl]

No, you don't need professional help. HE does!

Don't give in and compromise your values and your reputation. You will be giving away much too cheaply the most precious gift you have for the man you marry. And once you give it away, especially to someone who does not value it and you, it will be gone forever, and you will spend the rest of your life in regret.

Please have courage and be firm in saying no.

(You sound much too honorable and moral for this man. I salute you!)

[Rihanna_ann]

I will never suggest you to go for an aethiest guy who is only before your virginity and looking for his sexual pleasure... as you mentioned that he has lost his virginity at the age of 15 so he is become habitual of sex.. and once if he (God Forbidden) use you.. then he will leave you for sureity so I never give you advice to ever trapped in a thing which wILL SPoil Your whole life... A stitch in time saves nine... So its better to leave him now... as he leaves you after taking your virginity... hope you can understand because never ever go near the boundaries of God... broken His boundaries is another thing...
May God bless you.

[smoothy]

For starters... Oral sex is NOT "pervert" sex.

However do not have sex with a guy just because he wants it. A guy will say or do almost anything to get it at that age. And no it doesn't "mean" anything to him either. Do NOT confuse his pleading with reality.

If its important to YOU to remain a virgin until you marry, then Avoid guys like this. There are nicer guys out there. Trust me.

Its YOUR body... what and when you do with it is YOUR choice.

Sex in marriage is a wonderful thing... and worth waiting for. With diseases and risk of pregnancy its worth waiting for.

[lavendar35]

Thank you all so much.. I know he means well right now, but who knows what will happen if I give in right? Today's heated emotions may just as well turn into tomorrow's indifference... I still log in everyday to read what people write so if there's any more comments that people would like to write just know that I'm still reading and appreciating.
Thanks again

[lavendar35]

I'm a virgin. My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a year. Why on and off you ask, or maybe you don't, but I will briefly explain why. He had feelings for me for 9 months and I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship, but as soon as he started seeing someone else, my jealous inner child kicked in and I "confessed" my feelings for him. I did like him, I always did, I just honestly wasn't ready for a relationship... until I felt a pang of jealousy and wanted him back. Anyway, he stopped seeing the other girl and started seeing me instead.

After a month or so, he questioned me about oral and whether I was ready (he had lost his virginity at 15). Me, being a total virgin, refused and told him I wasn't ready. A month later, I realized he had been cheating on me with the other girl the whole time... I was devastated, but saw it coming; it was partially my own fault, it was very irrational and inconsiderate of me to confess my feelings for him as soon as I felt like he wasn't mine anymore. Anyway, he told me that after months of having feelings for me and I ignoring him, he wanted to get me back and therefore went out and cheated... (we both have 6 year old inner children, you see).

Anyway, long story short (unless it's too late to make it short) I took him back, because I was miserable, insecure, and had feelings for him. Again however, the oral topic came back. He constantly tells me: "you're not willing to move forward in life, and I'm not willing to go backwards...sex is a big part of a serious relationship and my eyes are starting to wander. I'm starting to look at other girls and wondering how much more I'd be sexually fulfilled if I was to be with someone else. You know I love you, and I know you love me too, and this is so special...why are you letting us go to waste? There's a first time for everything."

Is he right? Am I a complete child? You may wonder why I'm not ready and the answer is quite simple: I've been brought up in a Muslim household, my mom even sports the whole headscarf. I do follow the religion, but definitely not strictly. Anyway, my boyfriend is an atheist. He can't put himself in my shoes and keeps telling me how sexually frusterated he is. Maybe I can't put myself in his shoes either? I love him to death, I honestly do, just because I'm not ready to give oral or have sex doesn't mean I don't. But what do I do? Is he right, am I a total useless girlfriend? There is no other piece of advice I'd rather hear than from the admins of this site... I need professional help.

--Note: Yes I have asked this once, but please forgive me I'm just looking for many opinions and I only received 4 or 5 last time. Thanks a lot for your consideration and time

[Starbucks21]

Well I think the better question is... Is he right for you?

No you're not a child for practicing a healthy religion you believe in.

I'm a jewish woman and I have muslim friends. I understand, while not all, most of your religion.

I figure you're not extremely serious about it because I do know it's against/not encouraged your religion to 1. date and 2. be with any guy in a romantic way whom isn't muslim like it is in judaism. I'm not very strict either... I married a christian (whom isn't too serious about religion either). I'm 21.

If he doesn't respect you for practicing your religion and being your own person then I don't think it's a healthy relationship for you. If you say no and you tell him it's against your religion then if he respected you and islam he would have dropped the subject entirely. My husband doesn't understand judaism but if I tell him something like "I'm fasting from sexual activity" he does respect me and he helps me (I mean like on yom kipper or for you a holiday like ramadan).

So let's say it goes off again (it has a history of doing that and history does repeat, Though I hope not)... Wouldn't you feel a little empty if you had sex with him?

What If you got pregnant? There is no such thing as a 100% fool proof birth control. My cousin and her husband had 4 forms of birth control and every single one failed The reason being they weren't stored at the proper temperature and they didn't know. They used Condoms, Spermacide, The patch, and ovulation test (a kind of test form of the "rhythm method" to make sure she wasn't ovulating so she wouldn't get pregnant)

I know why they failed because I'm a pharm tech

The condoms

[Clough]

Hi, lavendar35!

Yes, you did already ask this question that can be found via clicking on the following link.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ip-296395.html

You also received some very fine answers there. As such, I would suggest that you stick with the other thread and not post the same thing again. Doing so can get really confusing for others who come along and might not realize the answers that have already been given.

It does take some patience when using this site...

Thanks!

[Starbucks21]

Excuse me accidentally hit the button too quick...

The condoms failed because they weren't stored a the right temp and they can develop small microscopic holes that you can't see or detect and there are a number of ways it can fail

The Spermacide failed because it was expired

The Patch failed because it was a bad batch

The ovulation test failed because sperm can live in the body for a longer time then the test could detect

[talaniman]

I think he is pressuring you for control of you, because he isn't willing to wait until your ready.

That's the kind of guy you don't need, and it can't be fun knowing he uses what you care about, as an excuse for bad behavior.

Keep your standards, lose the guy, seriously. He is an uncaring human, no matter his religion or yours.

[LiLibell]

He cheated on you once and now he's using it to try and get what he wants, he's playing on your insecurities and is being basically a really bad person, you can't let him win just like that, sure he has needs, but that's clearly why he was given hands, you have needs too, you need to be ready before you do things like this, or it will just lead to more problems! Hope I helped you, and be strong, don't give in to his demands unless you feel it's right to.

[talaniman]

How important is sex in a relationship?

When given freely it's a bonding experience between couples. But the selfish motives, of one of the partners will destroy the bond, and sharing experience, and lead to disaster. He obviously wants your body, and cares nothing for your mind.

So what's the point of being with him, and the selfish pressure he puts on you, to get what he wants at your expense??

You want love and he wants lust. Protect yourself from him