[rogers5874]

My live in Boyfriend and I have been having problems for a few months. It came to a head last week and he talked about moving out and separating. He said he still loves me. I love him very much and want to work through this, but he is unsure. We started talking about this last Wednesday and had holiday plans, so we said we would just get through the weekend not discussing it and enjoy the festivities. Now I am at work and stressing hard. I don't know if I should just keep my mouth shut and see what he does and not make anything heavy or tell him if he is unsure he needs to go stay with his brother for a little and figure it out because I am worth it and can't live with someone that is unsure of me. I want us to work but will not beg. What to do?

[JohnD212]

I wouldn't keep my mouth shut. Bring it up and get it out there. Keeping things quiet won't make problems go away. Trust me on that. If you two are equally willing to discuss the problems... I would highly suggest a couples counselor. I only say that because you are at the breaking point... and I seriously can't see you two making healthy decisions that wouldn't lead to more fights and a worse break up. An expert can sit... impartial... and give you good advice and techniques to work on this. It's also a good way to see how serious your boyfriend is about making this work. If he says he won't do it... that might be warning sign that he's already checking out.

Let us know how it goes... and if it turns out good... Congratz. If it turns out bad... we're here to help if you need it.

Good luck!

[Lowtax4eva]

I would do nothing, it sounds like he wants to end it completely and is trying to be nice about it rather than just walking away.

Though I can't know for sure, when you said you had agreed to just get through the holiday weekend, did you spend the weekend together? Has he left now?

[canadagirl82]

Who owns the house? Or who is one rental lease agreement? If it's you... I would tell him that he's got to go for a while until he figures it out. Not fair for you for him to be in your home if he doesn't want to be with you. Ask him if he is seriously done with the relationship.

[rogers5874]

My BF and I have been dating for 6 months. In the beginning, he spoke of marriage, that he knew how he wanted to propose to me, etc.. We are both middle aged (35) and agreed we did not want children, but I let him know I strongly believe in marriage. We went through a tough patch in Nov and discussed breaking up, but we got through it and for the last month things are great. Last night out of the blue we started talking about the future and he spoke of a "life partner" and said he didn't believe in marriage/it was govt sanctioned blah blah. This took me by surprise, because I was clear that I did and thought he was clear he did too. I don't know if I should
1)blow it off, we have only been dating 6 months and perhaps discuss the future in 6 months when we are at a year
2) realize we do not want the same things right now and get out
3) see what happens and don't stress since we have just gotten through a tough time and he may not be as starry eyed as he was in the beginning
4) realize he may have realized he does not want to marry me.

Guys opinions?

[rogers5874]

My BF and I have been dating for 6 months. In the beginning, he spoke of marriage, that he knew how he wanted to propose to me, etc.. We are both middle aged (35) and agreed we did not want children, but I let him know I strongly believe in marriage. We went through a tough patch in Nov and discussed breaking up, but we got through it and for the last month things are great. Last night out of the blue we started talking about the future and he spoke of a "life partner" and said he didn't believe in marriage/it was govt sanctioned blah blah. This took me by surprise, because I was clear that I did and thought he was clear he did too. I don't know if I should
1)blow it off, we have only been dating 6 months and perhaps discuss the future in 6 months when we are at a year
2) realize we do not want the same things right now and get out
3) see what happens and don't stress since we have just gotten through a tough time and he may not be as starry eyed as he was in the beginning
4) realize he may have realized he does not want to marry me.

Guys opinions?

[talaniman]

After 6 months your doing the marriage talk?? Your strangers, just finding out about each other and talk of the future is only that, just speculation, as you barely know enough to be compatible.

So now your finding out how he feels about things, and it goes against what you want, so don't be all starry eyed, and so in love, you think that will change. He feels differently than you do about marriage.

You can either keep dating, and get to know each other better, or pull the plug, and not invest any more emotion in this.

The last thing you can expect is he will change for you.

[xoxaprilwine]

Well I would have to agree with talaniman on that... I note you said "Guys?" on your thread but my two cents is that the relationship is premature; 6 months. I understand you are in your mid-thirties and so he may be too... you just want to settle down and be comfortable with someone but the thing is 6 months is not nearly enough time to determine if "life partner" is justified. It can take years and years to get to know someone for who they "really are" and at that point you both can render if you truly are "life partners". To be discussing marriage in the beginning is a warning for me because your setting out your serious intentions for a man and your high expectations of him. Guys are reserved about marriage and don't take it too lightly. Why not enjoy the relationship and not get into such serious discussions? Let good things happen in due course. If your hitting a ruff patch it is more then likely about the marriage discussion and he probably never had those intentions... guys don't look to marry someone and will say exactly what you want to hear to get what they want from you emotionally and physically. Love is time, loyalty, mutual respect, patience, integrity, and friendship. Friendship is built and building takes time. I know I am only 26 and to you may seem like I am too young but I have been with my husband for 10 years and where dating for 5 years, engaged for 1 year and married for 4... its not perfect by any means and I do have my serious issues with him. Dating is funner and less serious, hey, if it doesn't work out you don't have the complications of kids and finances... so enjoy it and take it slow. Get off the topic and see what happens.

[xoxaprilwine]

talaniman, you poking at me? Haha, 6 months is time to tell if you can continue to be friends but not life partners... well I couldn't figure that out for 3 years into dating and still am finding things out about him so... even after 10 years you truly don't know someone... but you know yourself and have yourself at the end of the day... so it kind of sux but really it does boil down to that. People come and go... living with yourself is always the hardest.

[hollylovesbrandon]

Maybe he just started thinking... "oh wow, I've only been in this relationship 6 months. Why am i even talking about marriage at all?" Men get a little uptight when the big "M" word comes into the picture. I say stay and in a few more months just kind of hope the conversation comes back and listen close to his answer. There's no time to panic after 6 months. Give it a few more months to see where you both stand.

[450donn]

I would opt for number 2. But not knowing all of the discussion it is hard to make a good suggestion. If he really wants to live with someone with no commitments, and you are not into that sort of arrangement, then it is probably best if you bail right now.

[liz28]

You shouldn't be so set on marriage at this stage in the game anyway.

Me and my fiancé discuss marriage in the past and he was against it because of the things that happen in his last marriage and at the time I didn't really care because I wasn't looking to get marriage.

Faat forward 2 years, we're now engage and due to get married next year.

So will he change his mind you never know but right now you two don't even have a foundation with the short time your been together. People aren't just rushing to get married nowadays and that me is a good thing.

Have he ever been married in the past?

[artlady]

I have been in a committed relationship for 11 years(living together) and in the beginning we both talked about marriage but then we both came to understand that our commitment did not depend on a state sanction.It in no way lessens our love or devotion to one another,just as a piece of paper would not make it any stronger.

Have you asked yourself why marriage is more important to you than the relationship?

It sounds as if you are willing to give him up if he doesn't marry you or at least commit to it in the future.

I'm 54 and I tried the marriage thing many years ago and its not all its cracked up to be.Look at the divorce rate and I suspect much of that is people making the leap when they still had reservations.

I would opt for number 4 and know that just because someone does not want to marry does not mean they don't want to be with you.There is nothing inherently wrong with a *life partner*.
There are no guarantees in love.

I would take it one step at a time as others have stated 6mts.is really rushing the issue to begin with.

[JBeaucaire]

Your really only have two options. In your list, 1 & 3 are actually the same thing, and 2 & 4 are the potentially the same thing.

So,
1) Live with it and see how it goes
2) Move on based on discovered incompatibility

Those are your choices. Only YOU really know how significant his current revelation is. The first few months of dating are truly exciting, and often FILLED with misunderstanding and misrepresentation. During the "honeymoon/courting" phase, there is a lot of "best foot forwarding" going on.

You would expect at the 6 month mark to finally be experiencing the real person you're dating, the honeymoon is over. So, I would suggest you start believing what you're seeing now as more reliable than anything from earlier.

As such, the harder choice, to move on, is probably inevitable... unless you're OK being someone's "partner" indefinitely.

[talaniman]

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Your all over the forum with duplicate posts and that's just confusing and redundant.

[Curlyben]

>THREE Threads Merged<
Please don't spam post the SAME question on different boards.