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eeeman · Dec 18, 2008, 09:25 PM

Yeah... I guess I thought it would be okay to lie since she did to me... oh well... if nothing else, posting this has gotten me to realize how bad things have gotten between us.

Aghh I just feel dumb... oh well... I wish I knew what to do next... I think the dreaded "no contact" is going to have to come soon.

And as for the, why would I want to be with someone who cheated question... well...

I always told myself if she cheated I would kick her to the curb... but when it happened... I just lost it, and couldn't deal with the thought of losing her... she also has twin girls who I adore... I am the closest thing they've ever had to a dad and I really had hopes of being their step-dad one day.

Also, she is the only serious relationship I've ever had, so I'm not very confident about being able to find love again.

eeeman · Dec 18, 2008, 09:26 PM

Thanks guys for the replies... I wish I would have found this site long ago

N0help4u · Dec 18, 2008, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by eeeman

Yeah.... i guess i thought it would be okay to lie since she did to me....

Two wrongs do not make a right and sometimes you have to be the bigger person and go about things the more mature way.

kctiger · Dec 19, 2008, 07:25 AM

Your low self confidence is completely ruining your entire impression of women. She is a cheater, but that doesn't make you one, so don't justify her actions by going out and doing the same. You are no doubtedly a great individual who has a lot to offer. NEVER stoop to someone else's level just because you think that is the best you can do. Never sell yourself short. Get your head out of your a$$ and build a great life with GOOD people that don't hurt you. Carry on... :)

talaniman · Dec 19, 2008, 08:28 AM

Your right about one thing, No Contact is your next move, and learning to cope with your feelings, and fears, come NOW! Playing games just got you played,

SimpleguyJoe · Dec 19, 2008, 02:14 PM

Good stuff Kctiger and Talaniman! But I had to spread the rep. Yea don't lower yourself and don't play games that you can't win man. Just because you said your sleeping with someone is not going to change the fact that she probably really is sleeping with someone and your game is only going to hurt yourself. No contact (for along time) is going to be your friend. Move on a get your life back together!

eeeman · Dec 23, 2008, 01:53 PM

So I decided to try and go no contact with my ex... because she is now seeing someone else... and I don't want to have that on my mind 24/7... I love her with all my heart and hope that we are back together one day, but I realize that there is nothing I can do right now to change her mind... So No Contact seems like the best thing to do right?

The problem is that I love talking to her and I don't want to lose her as a friend... sometimes random funny things happen during the day and I can't help but want to text her. This No Contact seems impossible... is it really the only good step to take? H

kctiger · Dec 23, 2008, 01:55 PM

YES!! It is the ONLY option for you right now. I remember when I found out my ex was seeing someone else, that is when I got serious about NC. Believe me, talking to her will not make you feel better, especially knowing she has another man. Let's be honest as well, I hardly doubt she cares about keeping you as a friend now that she is dating someone else... harsh, but probably true. Stick with NC.

411Help · Dec 23, 2008, 01:56 PM

Yes, it seems impossible. But IT'S NOT. Definitely, possible. The only possible way to "CHANGE" her mind, is to get a life of your own, give it time for her to realize that you were a good person, (if you were). You said it yourself, she's seeing someone else. This means it's over. I suggest writing in a journal.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2008, 02:02 PM

No Contact allows you to be able to move on, and share and care, with someone else. The ex can no longer do that with you the way she did before, as things have changed. So must you.

eeeman · Dec 23, 2008, 02:26 PM

Okay... she does want to be my friend(although clearly not my g/f right now)
But I agree with you guys, I shoud stick to no contact for awhile, at least just to heal the pain for a bit.

The problem is I am having a really hard time... do any of you have any tips on how to discipline myself on how to stop?

kctiger · Dec 23, 2008, 02:35 PM

You need to build up other things in your life, make yourself busy, this way you aren't constantly thinking about her. The more proactive you are in healing, the easier this process is. Also, as for myself, I know once I found out my ex was seeing another guy, I had no interest in talking to her or seeing her... none whatsoever, so I cannot figure out why you want to talk to her so bad.

blondndisguise5 · Dec 23, 2008, 03:16 PM

I'm going through the same thing and yes no contact is the very very very best option right now
Also try puttin a new friend or multiple ones in the role of "person you tell when funny things hapen" it helps a lot :)

friend4u178 · Dec 23, 2008, 03:27 PM

You obviously still want to be with this girl and while you are still in contact with her it fuels false hope that it will happen.

It's not easy but it gets easier , go strict NO CONTACT so you can start to heal and if its meant to be in the future it will be.

Every time you contact her you'll go back to square one.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 23, 2008, 03:50 PM

Yep go to complete no contact, even try and start dating again, if for no other reason then just to go out sometimes

talaniman · Dec 23, 2008, 05:54 PM

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, or click on the link in my signature, for some really good ideas, to help you cope with this break up.

roxypox · Dec 23, 2008, 07:07 PM

Yeah, NC is the best thing when you try to rebuild your life! It really does help!

Best of luck!

-Roxy

411Help · Dec 23, 2008, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

You obviously still want to be with this girl and while you are still in contact with her it fuels false hope that it will happen.

It's not easy but it gets easier , go strict NO CONTACT so you can start to heal and if its meant to be in the future it will be.

Every time you contact her you'll go back to square one.

Couldn't agree more. I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but, honestly, DON'T CONTACT her. She will just give you false hope to string you along. Don't derail yourself from the healing track.

eeeman · Dec 24, 2008, 01:17 AM

Okay but she has two kids who I love very much... what if I want to spend time with them, should I ask her or should I just go through her other family members?

And when does no contact stop? As soon as I can not think of wanting to be with her anymore?

talaniman · Dec 24, 2008, 05:46 AM

Do the healing part first, and the rest you can decide when the emotions are not as involved.