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jeffatl · Jul 24, 2006, 12:58 PM

Cool, I get you... dotn worry so much. I have been trying to use everything you tell me Cat, I trust you! How do I go about giving her some space? Don't call her, even if she doesn't call me? I don't want her to think Im flaking out on her or anything... you know? I do see that we both need some time to let things soak in a bit, Im just not sure exactly how to go about it...

Wildcat21 · Jul 24, 2006, 01:59 PM

I am not worried about anything... I don't want to see you the way you were with the last girl - do you?

WAIT a while to return her calls. There is simple NO reason to answer every freaking call - or return every call - your busy - she will love you for it!

You're thinking like a guy - she will never think you're flaking.

You go a week with out seeing her - what do you think eill happen? She's going to forget your name? She will love you for it.

I've to lyou time agan - BE BUSY - other things in life.

jeffatl · Jul 25, 2006, 12:55 AM

Got it!! AND will DO it... =)

Wildcat21 · Jul 25, 2006, 08:01 AM

Be busy... but have a feeling you can't control yourself.

I don't want you to chase her away.

Depressed in MO · Jul 25, 2006, 01:44 PM

Don't know how long you've been dating the new girl, but damn if you like her and you want to be with her, then be with her. Wildcat is right most of the time about a lot of things, but I think that if you ignore this girl for four or five days, then it is also going to push her away. Now don't get me wrong, it is the ultimate GAME to play if you want to see whether she is psycho, but that is what it is-a game. If you want to go slow, wait like every 2 or three days to call, but not 4 or five. If I were with a guy and we had a great relationship like it sounds like you two have-and then you didn't call me for that amount of time, I would think you are a jerk and were just trying to get into my pants in the first place. Then I would have no respect for you.

Wildcat21 · Jul 25, 2006, 02:05 PM

See - he's coming on too strong. I didn't stop contact - he should return her calls and text. But just don't be so anxious so early.

jeffatl · Jul 25, 2006, 06:17 PM

Just got this message...

I like you a lot and I always have a great time hanging out with you and especially talking with you but the bottom line is, I know that I'm not ready for this. I know it's best to tell you now before things get more intense. You know it's pretty early for me to get involved with someone especially so quickly. I did not expect this to happen. Especiallly when I like you so much (you know how I feel about you). I wouldn't have been talking with you if I didn't see it going somewhere but I just can't do this.

I just wanted to be completely honest with you. I especially don't want to hurt your feelings. I do care about you, but I don't want to lead you on. I had to say something.

I hope that you aren't mad at me and that we can remain friends. Although if you don't want to be my friend I do understand.

Please write me back and let me know what you think. SOrry about the whole "message" thing, but I don't have the balls to do this in person especially with how I feel about you.

What do you guys think about this crap! Over?

valinors_sorrow · Jul 25, 2006, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by jeffati

what do you guys think about this crap!? Over?

I think its not right to call it "crap". Its just the "crash and burn" Wildcat has been warning about. Until you learn to listen to others better, you'll be baffled. "Over" is too black & white of a term to use unless it's a game you're talking about.

momincali · Jul 25, 2006, 06:36 PM

Jeff, unfortunately, this gal is not as much of a woman as wel would have liked her to be. She is entitled to feel whatever she wants and it doesn't make her a bad person, but damn it if she shouldn't have to have the spine to tell you this in person. I know people have difficulties with different things, but because it's difficult doesn't mean you can't do it. I think she should have sucked it up and came over to your place and had this discussion face to face like a real grown up.

I think it really sucks that she did it this way and in my opinion, she doesn't really deserve a pat on the back saying, oh, it's okay, this stuff happens... that's bologna. Yeah, it's good she said it now, and didn't let things get carried away, but she really should have been a little more considerate of your feelings and done the right thing in the right way. You don't ever dear john a guy with a message like that, especially a really good guy like you, no matter how hard it is. To me, this shows a little insight of selfishness and looking-out-for-me attitude, typical of most immature guys actually.

So sorry about this one. In my never to be humble opinion, move on. You're too busy and you already have too many female friends to add this one to the list.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2006, 06:55 PM

Jeff- NO contact for 3 months. She is throwing the ball to your court. NO contact!

Skell · Jul 25, 2006, 09:13 PM

Sorry jeff but I agree with val, I really think this is what Wildcat has been warning you about.
It smacks of it.
And NO, I agree with mom that she didn't say this to you in the right way but we can only concentrate on your actions and how you control situations.
Good lesson for us all here on what Wildcat preaches.
Her words just seem to indicate that she is somewhat scared off by how fast everything is moving...

Its not necessarily over in my opinion but I do think you need to back completely off. Laugh at this, you don't need her, this doesn't affect you and where you are going.
So what. Just another one that didn't work. You'll find someone else just as easy as this one came along.
Keep us posted.

Skell · Jul 25, 2006, 09:17 PM

like you a lot and I always have a great time hanging out with you and especially talking with you but the bottom line is, I know that I'm not ready for this. I know it's best to tell you now before things get more intense. You know it's pretty early for me to get involved with someone especially so quickly. I did not expect this to happen. Especiallly when I like you so much (you know how I feel about you). I wouldn't have been talking with you if I didn't see it going somewhere but i just can't do this.

These words just seem to indicate that she was feeling pressure in this relationship already, would you agree? At this early stage from what I have learnt here the last thing either party wants or needs is pressure. It lost its light heartedness and fun too quickly. Maybe this because you slept together early on.. could be many reasons..
From all your posts everyhting did seem rushed, even if to you it appeared you were going slowly. It must be hard to step back and slow down when you are caught up in it so I completely understand. But we can only learn from this can't we...

jeffatl · Jul 25, 2006, 10:50 PM

Im so ****ing pissed off... I am so giving up... throwing in the towel... I just can't give parts of me to anyone anymore... sorry, I just cant. I tried and failed again... call me what you will, but I just can't deal right now... **** it... Im so disheatend right now... Wildcat, feel proud because you were right, the nice guy always finishes last... but I guess I only have ME to blame... I guess the name of the game is treat women like complete crap so the can't screw you over... thats the next role I will take over. Im so pissed off right now I can't even tell you... I Didn't push too hard no matter what ANY of you say. I followed HER lead... want TOLTALLY honest, and got SCREWD again. I guess my approach might not be what you say "is the right one" but it's the only one I know, so now I give the **** up... screw it... if I can't follow my heart and be myself then I don't want it, **** games... if that means I walk this earth alone, so be it! I can't deny the way I am... Im done... call me a quitter, I don't care. Im drunk right now, so ridicule me for it... I GIVE UP!!

momincali · Jul 25, 2006, 11:10 PM

"Listen to and USE all of the advice given here (by the people that know what they are talking about!) It works, and Im PROOF of that people...... I can't even begin to tell you............"

That's your tagline buddy. You got past your ex and you WILL get past this one too, I don't give a crap what you say. You WILL NOT quit, you might wake up with a headache though...

We're still here...

jeffatl · Jul 25, 2006, 11:15 PM

I ****#ing QUIT!! How about that.. Ok, I give and give, but gilrs only like assh#les that play Fu#king games, and SORRY but that's not ME... I can't do it... Im done here... and with all the BS that is "the game" because I can't play it... F IT! LAST POST here... Relationships are too much BS for me... I am just going to close myself off, that seems to be the only way women will really want anything to do with you... Its so much easier to be alone with NO feelings whatsoever... why the FUC# would you ever want to be "In love"... all it brings is complete BS. Thanks for all the advice guys, but Im over it... Done with the crap and BS that comes with it... You either have it, or you don't... PERIOD!

talaniman · Jul 26, 2006, 04:15 AM

Hi Jeff, Hope you read this after your head clears a little. I think I've felt the same way you do now, except I've had a lot more rejections. Yeah, it sucks especially when you like the girl a lot and she seems to like you. Every rejection taught me something though and I just kept on going. Call me dumb but its not the end of the world. You'll come around and get to that point that exclusive relationships are not important for now, and you don't have to have a g/f to go out and have fun. Love them all. The kind of woman you really want is out there and since you seem like a good dude you'll find one just like you found this one. Going slow is for your protection and you have to admit you jumped into this one faster than you knew you should. Now handle this rejection like the class act that you are, and date and have fun, Love and romance is so far down the road and you just have to find that one that's on the same page as you. The last one was close, but not close enough. You know the drill no contact, go back to fun with no strings. What's wrong with being with a hundred women till you find the one? Keep going.

Wildcat21 · Jul 26, 2006, 08:38 AM

Jeff... It's OK to make mistakes... I have to say I tried to warn you... you need to just learn from this...

You can listen to us here, or make the mistakes in the field.

I just could tell you were coming on way too strong - women hate that AND it's a little creepy. WOMEN NEED SPACE!! Especially early on. You do all the spend a lot of time together in a year... early on your just getting to know them. They need to know you have life outside of the relationship - always calling, e-mailing, having to have to get together - is TOO MUCH early on.

I've been there - done that. When I say pull back - pull back - I don't want to see you hurt or lose!! Trust me! I am not even there and I knew what was going on.

YOU CAN'T push love. You can't convince some one to like you.

You really smothered this gal... she seems like a good girl that really knows what she was doing.

For like 3 and more like SIX months you CAN'T put too much importance into someone, because they will leave.

You got to stop putting pressure on women. Women are part of oyur life - not your life.

Early on it's one step forward... two steps back. Time your time - SLOW.

I've given you guidance on about 50 matters - and, to slapp your wrist, you choose to ignore it and crash and burn.

Only see them once a week early on or less - LESS IS MORE FOR WOMEN. LESS OF JEFF IS MORE. YOU WANT THEM TO WANT YOU - You're there al lthem time and it's creepy.

Wildcat21 · Jul 26, 2006, 08:43 AM

Steps for Jeff...

1. Go slow

2. Be busy with other stuff - she will love yo ufor it

3. See them once a week or less early on. There is no rush - this is a marathon

4. Less is more!!

5. it takes women longer to decide about you... learn about women - the rely on their feelings - NOT LOGIC. You're always in their face and it creeps them out. Wildcat has made this mistake many times.

6. Make is WAY less imnportant early on - KEEP your options open - date others the first 3 months... she may leave/bail any day the first 3 to 6 months.

Wildcat21 · Jul 26, 2006, 08:52 AM

ALWAYS AND FOREVER JEFF: Your biggest obsticle is... you put WAY too much importance early on. You really don't know these women. You may not like them in a couple months. They may REALLY be nags, no class, massive be-atches... etc.

This gal had no class... she couldn't tell you face to face and tell you how you feel.

BUT, she DID warn you she WOULD hurt you. You SHOULD have puleld WAY back as I advised.

momincali · Jul 26, 2006, 09:10 AM

Yeah, I give up too. I burned the eggs this morning... again! I should have learned my lesson when I burned them a while back. I was doing okay, watching them closely, but this time the flame was on a little too high and... poof, they went up in smoke.

I guess I'll just have to get by in life without ever eating eggs again cause this was humiliating for me. I know my kids will miss them, but, heck, life is hard, it's just another lesson they'll have to learn...

Or... I can just handle it like a grown up, lick my wounds, shake off my ego and try it again, only this time with the flame way down, with one hand on the flame and the other on the spatula... watching the edges if they brown... listening to Emeril Lagasse's advice on how to do this correctly... yeah, maybe... this way I won't miss out on one of the greatest experiences in life... dining on one of my favorite meals. Also, I won't be depriving others of what I have to give and maybe even teaching them a lesson or two along the way.