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plonak · Dec 19, 2008, 02:04 PM

When you know he's back in town send the text asking how his trip went.. if he doesn't respond then that's a clear sign he's not interested and leave it at that. It doesn't make you desperate.. you're just trying to figure things out

I know what you're going through, it sucks, but try to stay hopeful and keep yourself occupied.. good luck!

Kia · Dec 19, 2008, 02:09 PM

I think you should just wait for him to contact you. Just chill; you already contacted him once on your own, let him call/text on his own this time. If he doesn't then he wasn't interested enough.. move on

Addison08 · Dec 19, 2008, 02:54 PM

I know what your going through. I'm posting about this same thing. Just wait it out, that's what I am doing. If he doesn't come around then it's time to move on. Some guys, like the ones we are thinking of, like to take time to think things over. They are busy with life and sometimes it takes them a little longer to get around to everything else.

Just wait for him to call you.

talaniman · Dec 19, 2008, 04:42 PM

Leave the guy alone. If he is interested he will let you know. If he is busy, he will make time.

We all get into a position of stressing, when we want more, and our curiosity gets us thinking. Don't, and the cure for all that thinking, assuming, and wondering, is to keep your own life moving in a good direction, and enjoying yourself.

Any thing you do in his direction will either stress you out, and bring more questions, and confusion, or raise the expectation level higher, than what it is. Either way you'll be stressed out and fearful of what if..!

Keep enjoying yourself with your own things you do, and don't stress on what he is doing, or not doing. Or why!

hurtnconfused · Dec 19, 2008, 07:47 PM

Thank you! I'm, trying to focus on me and trying hard not to be so hopeful, with the possibility of being shot down again. It's crazy I'm always wondering "will he contact me at all when he gets back?" And that's what's driving me insane. Then I keep hoping, and if I hope too much, and he doesn't contact me, then I'll be upset. And I'm starting to overanalyze, thinking "did I do or say something wrong?" If I did, he wouldn't have contacted me right after the last date and tell me he can't wait to see me again, right? *sigh* Ok, sorry guys, yes I'm a paranoid person lol.

Addison08 · Dec 19, 2008, 08:09 PM

Sometimes we as humans can be confusing. Men are confusing to women, women are confusing to men. It's when it gets to the point of "did I mistake the signs..?" that you actually start to feel like your going off the deep end. Or ..."what did I do wrong...?" "Is he thinking about me?" "Should I call?" "What is wrong with this guy!?" :confused:

Some days I'd really like to know what exactly goes on in a guys head when it comes to forming relationships. Are they as worried, scared, bored, lonely? Do they question whether or not we are going to call them? Do they think about us? Do they think about when they are going to ask us out? Do they have to build up the nerve? Is there any one universal sign that they are going to call?!!! Is that one guy thinking about us at this very second and holding that phone, waiting, pondering the number, and the send button!? (okay I'll take a deep breath, and calm down, ...)

You are not paranoid. I think most women can relate to what your going through right now. It sucks. I agree. You hate the rejection your hoping that it's going to take off. You really really want to know why he hasn't called yet and it's driving you insane. It makes you feel like just hitting your head against the wall. Every second, minute, hour, day..just keeps ticking by. I understand, it's frustrating and it's a lot worse when your waiting on someone to make the next move. It takes a lot of waiting, patience, and most of all understanding.

Hey he may be extremely busy. It doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you. Maybe he is waiting a while, thinking things over. That's a good thing. Sometimes rushing things can be bad.

I am in the same boat you are right now. But you have a paddle and I don't. The guy I'm interested in hasn't even asked me out yet. That's gotta drive anyone nuts.

It will be okay. If he does call, great! If he doesn't then definitely try going out and just living. If you just go on with things, it makes it a lot easier. Just know your not alone and it will be okay:)

roxypox · Dec 20, 2008, 06:45 AM

Can I ask something? Lol I'm going to do anyway... but how long should you wait before moving on? Like yesterday I sent this guy a message and I don't know if he's answered. Mostly b\c I lost my phone, I got a new one though with the same number... but yeah, how many days should you wait.

If you send a text on Sunday night, it isn't desperate at all! :)

N0help4u · Dec 20, 2008, 06:52 AM

I would say it is his turn to contact you. I would wait and have a reason to call. Like maybe call Sunday night or Christmas Eve and tell him you are calling to wish him a Merry Christmas.
Then maybe somehow very tactfully mention that if he isn't interested calling you to not say that he will.

talaniman · Dec 20, 2008, 07:24 AM

but yeah, how many days should you wait.

I don't think the rule is simple at all as just by the threads on this forum, men and women have the same problem, what is the other person thinking, or why don't they call. We don't know why, and I can bet that the reasons are many.

If someone is interested enough to return your call, then there is a chance to get to know someone, but I've learned, if they don't return a call, leave them alone.

I really think it better to not be distracted by someone else's non interest, and stay focused on what I may be doing, and not miss any other opportunity that maybe present itself.

Is it desperate to keep calling, and not get feedback? I say yes, and a waste of good emotional time.

How long should you wait for someone to return your call? Not one second, as after all, if they wanted to know you better thats what they would be doing.

if you send a txt on Sunday night, it isn't desperate at all! :)

It is, if you have not had your first call answered. But that's just me, and I don't believe in wasting time, and investing emotionally on, what ifs, or assumptions.

roxypox · Dec 20, 2008, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Is it desperate to keep calling, and not get feedback?? I say yes, and a waste of good emotional time.

How long should you wait for someone to return your call? Not one second, as after all, if they wanted to know you better thats what they would be doing.

It is, if you have not had your first call answered. But thats just me, and I don't believe in wasting time, and investing emotionally on, what ifs, or assumptions.

Oh the last part of my post about calling him on Sunday night was not a referral to me, but to hurtnconfused ;) hehe just wanted to clarify that! :)

And I totally agree, it is desperate to call or text or whatever if you don't get feedback! So after the message yesterday I'm thinking that the ball his in his court and if he doesn't want to get to know me better then I'm moving on! And I'll just drop it (mentally that is ;))

But thanks for your input Talaniman! I appreciate it :)

BlackVY · Dec 21, 2008, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by hurtnconfused

Thank you! I'm, trying to focus on me and trying hard not to be so hopeful, with the possibility of being shot down again. It's crazy I'm always wondering "will he contact me at all when he gets back?" And that's what's driving me insane. Then I keep hoping, and if I hope too much, and he doesn't contact me, then I'll be upset. And I'm starting to overanalyze, thinking "did I do or say something wrong?" If I did, he wouldn't have contacted me right after the last date and tell me he can't wait to see me again, right? *sigh* Ok, sorry guys, yes I'm a paranoid person lol.

Haha... nah.. this is normal of someone who thinks a lot... trust me, I know all about it... I over think things and over analyse everything I do and say... and regret stuff that was fine, but yeah, that's not good... your stressing yourself out when there is no reason to. Just chill... see what happens, if he messages... if he doesn't, then all good... leave it... there are lots of reasons for things happening, and if was meant to be, it'll happen...

hurtnconfused · Dec 21, 2008, 03:15 PM

Thank you BlackVY! I'll try not to overthink things, it's so hard! Especially today... I know he's back now because during our last date he just threw it out there that he would be back Sunday morning because we were talking about getting together again. But no, no call or text yet. I still haven't sent one either. I will send one tonight though just to see how his event went. I really hope it doesn't come across as "pestering" or an act of desperation. It wouldn't, right?

BlackVY · Dec 21, 2008, 03:18 PM

Nah... well your not saying "Why didn't u tell me u were back" or something... your just asking how his event went... so its like a casual friendly question... so no worries...

roxypox · Dec 21, 2008, 05:40 PM

Yeah it really is easy to over think things, and obsess over stuff LOL I know I do it too ;)

BlackVY · Dec 21, 2008, 05:44 PM

Lol... how nice would it be not to care... or worry about things... just take life as it comes...

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

roxypox · Dec 21, 2008, 06:14 PM

LOL it would be AWESOME! Ha ha I love that you included that song!

But seriously, it would be nice to shed some of the crazy, some of the insecurities about other people (read; new ppl) and just not worry ;)

BlackVY · Dec 21, 2008, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by roxypox

LOL it would be AWESOME! ha ha i love that you included that song!

but seriously, it would be nice to shed some of the crazy, some of the insecurities about other ppl (read; new ppl) and just not worry ;)

That'd be nice.. but all we can do is try...

roxypox · Dec 21, 2008, 07:19 PM

True! All too true :) lol I think one of the greatest strategies is of course to do fun stuff and day to day stuff and try not to think too much, hehe sadly the worry just sneaks upon you. Like earlier to day I was at a Lady gaga show and I was suddenly struck with panic.

Lady freakin gaga is dancing and singing on stage having an awesome show and what hits me?

What the heck am I doing? Why am I such a mess? Are we all a mess? Is lady gaga a mess? Omg what is going on?? Am I really ready to date? Dating... such a wired concept to me... haha seriously that was (some of the) thoughts that ran through my head. :p

Life of a woman with panic anxiety... its so irrational that I can't help but love it.

BlackVY · Dec 21, 2008, 07:24 PM

Haha... that sounds crazy!

How was the show anyway? Poker face is such a cool song... lol ;)

But yeah, if we keep stressing about things, we tend to lose sight of what's in front of us, and not see what the world has to offer, because we are so caught up...

So best advice is to try to relax. If you catch yourself freaking out or thinking of things that are not constructive, make a effort to stop yourself, tell yourself not to think about that stuff, and think about other things instead

roxypox · Dec 21, 2008, 07:30 PM

That's a pretty good idea, I'll try that the next time! :)

It was so so good, down right AWESOME!! she sings pretty good live, which is nice especially considering all the dancing. LOl she dressed in white today, b\c it was her first show in norway and she wanted to dress like snow :D hehe we had no snow today though, just rain!