[kctiger]

All right, so it has been awhile since I have posted a question on here. I have run across an odd situation regarding my best friend. He has started to date my ex's room mate, who happens to be one of her best friends. I am pretty good friends with her (not my ex, but my ex's roommate), however I am not sure how I approach this in the long term. Tonight for instance, my friend is going out and I am supposed to go, however he plans on meeting up at the bar that she works at currently for a few drinks. I am not sure whether I should go with him or meet up afterwords. I am not overly comfortable hanging out with my ex's friends, especially those she lives with. I have known for awhile that my friend likes her a lot, but I never knew she liked him, until now. Thoughts anyone?

[KBC]

You are no longer obligated to please the ex.You have your own interests in mind,not to check up on the ex,so I don't see the problem.

You give great advice to the others who are struggling with relationship issues,but I think you are too close to the forest to see the trees here.

Hope this helped!

KBC

[kctiger]

My issue is this: I know for a fact that when those two are together alone they talk about me and my ex... as I found out last week. I do not want to give either of them more information as I feel both my ex and I want nothing to do with each other (I know my ex pretty much hates me). I just don't want it to turn into a gossip game, even though I know we are all mature adults here.

[KBC]

If your side of the proverbial street is clear of the responsibilities after the break-up,you should be OK ,even if they want to gossip,it is starting to sound as if you are a little insecure about them talking.I totally understand that,I would be uncomfortable also,but what can you do,tiptoe around the rest of your life and make compromises where ever the ex is concerned?

[asking]

I think you should follow your instincts on this one. Meet up later. If they stay together long term you can figure out how to deal with it, but if it's making you uncomfortable, I don't see any reason to go out of your way for that.

I understand wanting to not be part of the gossip mill. I think that's a reasonable position, although not a reason you can share with them without offending them. Just say you have other plans (to file your fingernails).

[kctiger]

I guess it comes down to a question of whether I am actually capable of doing this. I can be around certain friends of hers, as I have before, however someone who actually lives with her is something I have not done yet.
Last night I ran across a pic of my ex and I together, along with a letter she had wrote me, and I immediately started to get emotional... I just want to protect myself as much as possible right now.

[KBC]

And the idea of NC comes in and also how long is long enough for you to feel comfort at getting past the emotional response to her in your mind... I know,so do you, but being so close to this one,you are caught in the middle of the conflicting emotions.

Asking is right,intuition not emotion will do you the best here.

[Kitten78]

I guess it comes down to a question of whether I am actually capable of doing this. I can be around certain friends of hers, as I have before, however someone who actually lives with her is something I have not done yet.
Last night I ran accross a pic of my ex and I together, along with a letter she had wrote me, and I immediately started to get emotional...I just want to protect myself as much as possible right now.

Well there is your answer! Don't go!! :p

[kctiger]

800th Post baby!! WOOOO!!

Sorry, what were we talking about?

[N0help4u]

We were talking about if you feel comfortable going out with friends where your ex friends will be --I think?
I vote NO until you can feel comfortable and sure you can handle any situation that comes up. If and when you do go out with them guard what you say carefully and be careful not to say anything they can later use against you.

[kctiger]

I agree. I am already pretty gaurded about what I say around people that she hangs out with anyway. I just hate playing the games that go along with that... two mutual friends talking about how my ex and I are "handling" the break up and what we are doing now.

[jmw0713]

KC, I still hang out with my ex's friends periodically, because they are my friends too. However, when I am with them, I do NOT bring her up whatsoever. I do NOT say anything mean or rude about my ex. I just loose myself in the moment of whatever we are doing at the time and have fun. I also make sure that my ex is not expected to be meeting up while I am out with them buy specifically asking them if she is going to be there. They understand how I feel and my ex understands how I feel as well.

You have a judgment call to make.

If you don't feel right going out with them, don't, until your ready. Your friend will understand.

However, on the other hand, like some other posters said, you can't let the past and your ex run your present and future life. So with that thinking, you may want to go. You never know... you may meet someone new!

You have to try and live your life as free as possible from the problems of the past if you want to heal.

Could it be time to take that next step forward?

[talaniman]

Let your friend court this roommate of your ex without you, and they can say whatever you want. You don't have to go as busy, and unavailable, can apply to whomever you choose. I'm sure there are other places to party, or just have a drink with your buddy. Broadening your circle of people, places, and things, is also a good step to consider.

[Handyman2007]

If they talk about you guys, so what? That is theiur business. Let it go. You really don't have any business involving yourself at all. Move on.

[kctiger]

If they talk about you guys, so what? That is theiur business. Let it go. You really don't have any business involving yourself at all. Move on.

This is not a point at all. I don't have a problem with them talking about us. I am also doing pretty good at moving on, so I am not sure where you get that from either. My entire question was on how to protect myself, as I am afraid to get myself involved in situations that I don't want to be in.

[jmw0713]

In order to protect yourself, you need to stay separated from any situations you think are harmful . Think of all the advice you gave others. I think that you need to take some of your own advice right now. Your buddy will understand. He should know better than anyone what you're going through.

You know what you need to do.

[kctiger]

Already done baby! I didn't end up going with him on Friday. Everything is all good. Avoid all situations that involve my ex, for right now. I got it! Thanks to all for the support :)

[jmw0713]

No problem. See, you know how to handle these things.