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lildeal30 · Dec 15, 2008, 01:40 PM

I live in North Carolina and my Ex Boyfriend cheated on me with a 19 year old, who got pregnant and was unable to raise this child. I have had the child since birth and split up with the Father 9 months after he was born. The child has been in my custody and I have raised him on my own with no Child Support or any kind of help from the Father. The only times the Father has wanted to be in his son's life was around the Holiday's or other Special Occasions(Birthdays, his Wedding, etc.). The father is not willing to sign over his rights but hasn't helped out at all. I have spoke to several Attorneys that have not been much help. The Biological Mother signed over her rights to me, however, the Father will not. Can I get him on Abandonment or have his Rights Terminated? It has been going on for two years now and I really need someone's Help... All I want is for my Son to have the best Life possible and that isn't with his Father...

ScottGem · Dec 15, 2008, 01:53 PM

When you say the bio mother signed over her rights, was this affirmed by a court? If not, then you have no rights to that child. You needed to adopt that child formally through a court.

Before you can deal with terminating the father's rights, you need to make sure of your own.

lildeal30 · Dec 15, 2008, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

When you say the bio mother signed over her rights, was this affirmed by a court? If not, then you have no rights to that child. You needed to adopt that child formally through a court.

Before you can deal with terminating the father's rights, you need to make sure of your own.

Yes, I had my Attorney draw up papers having the Biological Mother sign him over to me and it went through the courts process. Now what?

cdad · Dec 15, 2008, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by lildeal30

Yes, I had my Attorney draw up papers having the Biological Mother sign him over to me and it went through the courts process. Now what?

Something doesn't sound right. What exactly does the paper say that went through the courts ?

MsMewiththat · Dec 15, 2008, 02:38 PM

I don't want to be judgmental but this isn't passing the smell test. What is your request all about... how to get him to sign over his rights? Without him taking the child from you? Your officially the one with limited or questionable rights. It appears that you are on an extended babysitting gig. I would really double check your situation with the attorney that you had a process your papers as you have claimed. What was the result of the filing and are you listed anywhere as the guardian for this child. If not, how have you gotten this child medically covered? How will you enroll the child in school? What's really preventing you from taking the father to court for child support like every other single mother and getting some assistance that way.

JudyKayTee · Dec 15, 2008, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by lildeal30

I live in North Carolina and my Ex Boyfriend cheated on me with a 19 year old, who got pregnant and was unable to raise this child. I have had the child since birth and split up with the Father 9 months after he was born. The child has been in my custody and I have raised him on my own with no Child Support or any kind of help from the Father. The only times the Father has wanted to be in his son's life was around the Holiday's or other Special Occasions(Birthdays, his Wedding, etc.). The father is not willing to sign over his rights but hasn't helped out at all. I have spoke to several Attorneys that have not been much help. The Biological Mother signed over her rights to me, however, the Father will not. Can I get him on Abandonment or have his Rights Terminated? It has been going on for two years now and I really need someones Help......All I want is for my Son to have the best Life possible and that isn't with his Father............

Wow - first of all, congrats to you for taking the child in, particularly after you broke up with the father. I don't think I've ever seen this situation posted before.

You say later on in this thread that you have legal custody. I would make absolutely, positively, without a doubt certain that there is no way you can lose custody of this child before you proceed. If Attorneys are telling you they can't help, that is because they can't. You cannot terminate a father's rights under these circumstances. I think I would leave things as they are for the moment. You have nothing to gain by raising issues here. You cannot legally terminate his rights as the father, this is not abandonment because he's aware the child is cared for.

I would march myself back to an Attorney and ask for an opinion (not over the phone) whether that child is securely with you (in a forever sense) and is it possible for you to get support for the child from the father.

But - again - I would do nothing until you are 100% sure all of the legal documents are in order or you could just open up a big bag of problems.

(And, again, people resent their stepchildren. What you have done here is amazing.)

ScottGem · Dec 15, 2008, 07:38 PM

Ok, so you adopted the child?

I really don't see much grounds for getting the father's rights terminated.

lildeal30 · Dec 18, 2008, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Wow - first of all, congrats to you for taking the child in, particularly after you broke up with the father. I don't think I've ever seen this situation posted before.

You say later on in this thread that you have legal custody. I would make absolutely, positively, without a doubt certain that there is no way you can lose custody of this child before you proceed. If Attorneys are telling you they can't help, that is because they can't. You cannot terminate a father's rights under these circumstances. I think I would leave things as they are for the moment. You have nothing to gain by raising issues here. You cannot legally terminate his rights as the father, this is not abandonment because he's aware the child is cared for.

I would march myself back to an Attorney and ask for an opinion (not over the phone) whether that child is securely with you (in a forever sense) and is it possible for you to get support for the child from the father.

But - again - I would do nothing until you are 100% sure all of the legal documents are in order or you could just open up a big bag of problems.

(And, again, people resent their stepchildren. What you have done here is amazing.)

I have been able to have the child on Medicaid since birth (that is in my name as the Case holder) not the Father. As far as Child Support I took the steps for that and the Father was given the option to pay or not, he chose not to so it is supposedly going to go to Court per the Child Support Enforcement Office. Everything else regarding my Son has all been put in my name Child Care, Taxes, Etc...

lildeal30 · Dec 18, 2008, 10:20 AM

I have been able to have the child on Medicaid since birth (that is in my name as the Case holder) not the Father. As far as Child Support I took the steps for that and the Father was given the option to pay or not, he chose not to so it is supposedly going to go to Court per the Child Support Enforcement Office. Everything else regarding my Son has all been put in my name Child Care, Taxes, Etc...

misshar · Dec 18, 2008, 10:15 PM

IF the father does not call or anything for six months then you can get his rights terminated. I know this cause I'm raising my nephew and my niece is a drug addict and my lawyer said if she don't make no contact for six months then call her(the lawyer) that is grounds for termination. You also need to write everything down that the father has done,said and you have to document everything. Good Luck!

Synnen · Dec 18, 2008, 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by misshar

IF the father does not call or anything for six months then you can get his rights terminated. I know this cause I'm raising my nephew and my neice is a drug addict and my lawyer said if she don't make no contact for six months then call her(the lawyer) that is grounds for termination. You also need to write everything down that the father has done,said and you have to document everything. Good Luck!

This is NOT TRUE for most situations.

In your case, your niece has already proven that she is a danger to her children. That has NOTHING to do with getting rights terminated most places.

To the OP: You cannot get his rights terminated unless you have someone ready to adopt---assuming that you are the ADOPTIVE mother and not the LEGAL GUARDIAN. There is a HUGE difference between the two.

I suggest you talk to a local attorney who specializes in family law. I know you stated your attorney isn't much help--which may be because you never actually did a formal, LEGAL adoption of the child in the first place.

It's going to cost you a lot of money to get out of this muddle and still manage to keep custody. I HIGHLY suggest that you follow your lawyer's suggestions on this.

PS--this is why I advise people to get parental rights terminated and adoption papers done with a lawyer. Too often what people do to make things cheaper and easier has long lasting consequences that are a hundred times more expensive to fix later.

lildeal30 · Dec 19, 2008, 05:46 AM

Thank You very much I definitely have Documented everything and kept receipts for everything. I have all of my Sons paperwork from birth. All of his Medical papers, SS card, and all of the papers with my name on them for the trips to the Doctor for all of his check-ups. I make sure I keep anything and everything that belongs to my Son. I also have all of the phone records from when the Father and I broke up so that I can prove when he has made contact with me...

lildeal30 · Dec 19, 2008, 05:48 AM

For Synnen I have been to seven attorney's the last one drew up the papers and had the Biological Mother come in to sign them they were notorized and sent through the Courts. The Father had the same papers served on him but refused to sign. I have a copy of both of those papers...

Synnen · Dec 19, 2008, 05:57 AM

For most places, that's legal guardianship, not legal adoption.

Birthparents need to sign over their rights IN COURT. All a notary does is verify that the person signing a piece of paper is really the person that should be.

Do you have adoption papers, that list you as the mother on the birth certificate?

lildeal30 · Dec 19, 2008, 07:39 AM

In NC you have to have the signature from both Biological parents. Or so that's what the last Attorney told me, right now I am so confused, there are so many unwanted children in this world and I have one that I Love more than anything ever and I can't even get someone to help me keep him and give him all the Love in the World and make a good Christain Home for him... I don't see what is so hard for the Legal System to recognize this...

Synnen · Dec 19, 2008, 07:51 AM

Because biological parents have rights.

If you took those rights away, all it would take is stealing an infant and saying "I love this baby, and have had it since birth, therefore I should be able to keep custody!"

The laws are in place to prevent baby selling, essentially. If you've looked into adoption, then you know that it's a huge business. People spend millions on adoption every year.

If you were still with the father, and/or had married him, then you could have adopted with just the mother's signature in court. You will NOT be able to adopt without the father's signature.

You NEED a lawyer to straighten out this mess. There is absolutely no way to get around that.

Basically, if the father came and took the child today, you would have no legal recourse because you haven't adopted the child--unless you have full legal custody, you have little to no legal right to the child.

Since you haven't actually adopted the child--what have lawyers said about the paperwork you have from the biological mother? Have her rights been severed, or do you just have legal guardianship? If her rights have not been severed either, she could actually go to court to get custody back as well. Her odds are low, but if she still has her parental rights, she can try.

Again---this is WHY I tell people who want to raise someone else's child to get a lawyer and do EVERYTHING through the lawyer, and not to try to do it on their own because it's cheaper.

JudyKayTee · Dec 19, 2008, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Again---this is WHY I tell people who want to raise someone else's child to get a lawyer and do EVERYTHING through the lawyer, and not to try to do it on their own because it's cheaper.

And this is a "pay now and do it legally" or "do it yourself and pay the long, slow, very possibly painful and heartbreaking way" down the road.

lildeal30 · Dec 19, 2008, 09:07 AM

I'm not trying to do this on my own but I have already sold off everything I could for the first papers which were $6,800.00. I can't afford an Attorney, I have a hard enough time keeping a roof over our head. I want all of this taken care of through and Attorney but they are too expensive or don't want to help me.

misshar · Dec 20, 2008, 12:40 AM

Actually I can I called my lawyer and asked her and she said it's the same in all 50 States so see what works for me can work for someone else. So maybe you should get your facts before you tell me my information is wrong! Has nothing to do with anyone being on drugs either!

Termination of Parental Rights
A parent's legal right to custody of a child can be terminated by a court. In an adoption, the natural mother voluntarily terminates her rights so that the child may be adopted. However, termination is often involuntary, and the grounds are typically the parent's neglect and abuse of the child. Grounds for involuntary termination of parental rights include:

abandonment; no contact in 6 months
Knowingly placing the child in danger;
Failing to support the child;
Felony criminal conviction;
Sexual offenses;
Murder of one parent by the other parent; and
Causing the child to be born addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Parents who have children who are placed in foster care do not automatically lose their parental rights. Even a lengthy placement does not allow the court to terminate parental rights. However, parents who fail or refuse to participate in assistance programs that can improve their situation may have their rights terminated while their children are in foster care.

Father's rights
A father who is not married to the mother of his child has parental rights, but he must exercise them. For instance, laws allow the father's rights to be terminated if he knew the woman was pregnant but remained completely uninvolved with woman and the pregnancy. He is considered to have abandoned the woman and his rights to the child as well. Generally, in these situations, the father is notified that his parental rights are being terminated and he does not contest the termination.

SIDEBAR: If the father's whereabouts are unknown, his parental rights can still be terminated. Laws do not require notification when the father cannot be located.

However, a father has the right to oppose or contest the termination. If the termination is contested, evidence must be offered that grounds for terminating the father's parental rights actually exist.

Is a trial held to determine if a parent's rights should be terminated?
No. There is a hearing before the judge where evidence is presented through testimony and documents that show the reasons for termination.

Who asks the court to terminate parental rights?
The state agency involved in the care of the child asks the court to terminate parental rights.

SIDEBAR: Once the child has been removed from the home, she is in the custody of the state agency. The agency must attempt to move the child back home and out of foster care by helping the family create an adequate environment for a child. Agencies provide training and programs (such as drug rehabilitation programs) for parents who seek their child's return.

When does an agency file to terminate a parent's rights?
Under most laws, state agencies are required to begin termination proceedings once the child has been in foster care for over a year.

Can I oppose an agency's efforts to terminate my parental rights?
Yes. You are permitted to explain your side of the story to the judge, present evidence and call witnesses to testify in your behalf.

SIDEBAR: Because a parent's rights are so important, the court must allow a parent, even one who is in jail, to present evidence opposing the termination.

What do I have to prove to keep my parental rights?
Assuming a legal justification exists for terminating your rights, you must show a compelling reason why the rights should not be terminated. There is not an exact set of circumstances that automatically provide a compelling reason, but some of the following reasons have allowed a parent to keep her child:

That in 6 months or less, the parent will be able to care for the child again;
That the child is old enough to state a preference that parental rights not be terminated;
That the parent has maintained contact and the child would benefit from continuing the relationship;
That the child is in a residential facility or home, adoption is unlikely and termination is not necessary to place the child; and
That the length of time in foster care is due to circumstances beyond the parent's control, such as court delays or incarceration.

misshar · Dec 20, 2008, 12:45 AM

Also just because my niece is on drugs is not the reason I could have her right terminated either. Its if she has no contacted at all so you know that also. People come on here asking for help not to be told their information is wrong cause someone wants to play lawyer and has no clue what they are talking about!