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applelonia · Jul 23, 2006, 12:55 AM

:o A few days after I totally stopped having any dealings with my ex I got a phone call from a guy that was my best friend for 2 years... I guess ever since my break-up with my ex. But I ended up having to move away from him in Texas Feb. of last year. Well... we were very good friends plus we were intimate a few times... but... I would never settle down with him nor anyone... probably do to my ex I was still holding on to up until now:rolleyes:... Well... I looked for my friend everywhere on several occasions but I didn't know where he was... so I decided... I guess... I gave in to the fact that I would never see him again... well... when he called it shocked me... I was totally off guard:eek:... he says he wanted to come see me because he was coming this way to meet up with some chic he had been talking to for the past 2 months... so... this gave me my first opportunity where I just finally got a chance to tell my best friend whom I haven't seen since Feb. 2005 that we have a 9 1/2 month son together. :) This is a trip... huh.. I sent him pics of his son... my son is soooo beautiful and he reminds me of him all the time right down to the dimples they share.:D I just thought I would never see him ever again. Now he says he wants to be with me but that now he would have to break up with this other girl. I've been talking to him every day and night ever since. I've talked with his parents and brothers (everybody knows me) We were really close everybody called me his shadow. This is a trip... I don't want anybody to leave anybody just for me. NOW... I'm messed up all over again... not really... I'm really okay... this is just a loop I just got thrown for here lately... I'm not sure what direction to go in now that will be right for me... I can truly say that I loved him way before we ever decided to become "homeyloverfriends":p

Chery · Jul 23, 2006, 01:48 AM

If there is one thing we all know about life, is that it's unpredictable. If you eventually want a 'family unit' with this guy and his son - can imagine it working to your benefit, then what's stopping you.

Whether you want anyone to give up another relationship or not, it's not up to you - he'll do what he wants to as it is his choice. Whether he's serious about you, or just 'obligated' is something you'll find out by communication - serious and truthful talks.

Also you know him better than we do, and will probably feel if it's right by observing him and his actions when he's with you and the baby. So, I really don't know what else to suggest except to do what your heart tells you which would be the best solution for your future happiness.

Lots of luck, dear, and please keep us posted.

Jay_Jay · Jul 23, 2006, 02:20 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

Do what your heart tells you which would be the best solution for your future happiness.

Lots of luck, dear, and please keep us posted.

You need to ensure that what you do as posted above is right for you ! But keep in mind your child to and do what is right for both of you ;)

fredg · Jul 23, 2006, 06:49 AM

Hi,
Is the father of your child paying you child support?
If not, he should be.
As far as what I think your question is, it's so "rambled", life is learning.
If it didn't work out the first time, is there a chance it will now?
The only way to find out is to see him.
Best wishes.

talaniman · Jul 23, 2006, 11:35 AM

Please take this slow and cautious as he is breaking up with a girl to be with you. To avoid being his rebound even though you share a child together give him time and go slowly. Let him know his child but keep your eyes open and distance yourself to keep an objective view so you can decide if he has had enough time to get over his last relationship and is he ready for a family and all it entails. Just remember your last break-up and how you felt, well men go through the same thing. Be honest and let him know how you feel because whether you are with him or not the child must come first. Your not the same person you were when you first met, I doubt if he is either. GO SLOW. Good luck!

applelonia · Jul 24, 2006, 09:46 PM

Yeah... I've been talking to him everyday. I used to tell him he was the love of my life because he always thought in my best interest. At that time I was only speaking as a brother/sister state. Now we have a real connection and we just click so well as best friends. It's strange now because with my work schedule and his we can't seem to get a chance to figure out how we are going to see each other. When he is off I work and if I took off he would be at work the whole time. I'm not rushing into anything because this is such a fresh situation and I don't want too make anything out of it. I've known all along I had a baby with my best friend but I just didn't think I would ever see him again. Now he's talking about me being his soulmate and he has always wanted me... but... I can't say any of that. He really is not even my type. I'm so picky I really don't like anybody. Am I supposed to just settle down with him for life just cause we have a baby?? I would be just settling. Which would cause me to feel as if I'm missing out on my real soulmate. Don't get me wrong he is wonderful but I don't know if I could... stay faithful to someone I "love" but am not "in love" with. I truly love him and would never want to hurt him but I'm not sure just because we have a beautiful child together that he is the "one" for me. I'm just afraid of making the wrong chose and hurting anybody. This is life... I just don't have too much experience in these types of situations.

applelonia · Jul 24, 2006, 10:48 PM

I can honestly say I've been called misleading before. It is hard meeting, greeting, dating, getting to know guys for me because I've only had one guy on my brain for the last 6 years of my life. I haven't been able to have a normal healthy functioning relationship since I left my ex. These past few months have been very therapeutic for me. It's given me the chance to have closure on this whole wedding dilemma. I throw myself head first into my home, kids, and work that I don't take the time to get to know anybody to even settle down with. All of my relationships have found me and snuck up to lead to long term into engagements. I haven't had any chance to pursue anybody I've picked out for myself. I can bet on it that if I did decide to settle down with my best friend\baby-daddy that this would lead to another wedding (proposal #3) that I won't know if I can go through with. I'm so at a loss... this is crucial.