 |
|
|
 |
New Member
|
|
Dec 14, 2008, 05:35 PM
|
|
Am I failing as a mother?
I am a 31 year mother of two boys, a 12 and a 1 year old and I'm feeling really hopeless now... I feel as if I'm losing my 12 yr old son. He seems to want to live with his father but his father doesn't care to have him. He is becoming very difficult to deal with, he lies, he is getting in trouble at school, he is lazy and the list can go on. A little over a year ago we moved in with my boyfriend so he no longer has his own space etc. I don't know for sure what has contributed to his change in attitude if it's the move or the baby. I find myself getting angry at him all the time and I know it doesn't help, I'm just so fustrated and desperate... please help
|
|
 |
-
|
|
Dec 14, 2008, 06:01 PM
|
|
Hello AMcknz
Many young teenagers react that way, when they go through changes in the family.
By losing his own room he got the worst of both sides : losing his father, having to move, losing his own room, having to accept another father, and having an increasingly critical mother.
Give him some space. Think about how his life has changed.
Marrying your first husband and getting children was your choice.
You two getting divorced was not your son's fault.
You chacking up with your new friend neither was your son's idea.
Isn't it time to focus more on your son's needs?
:)
.
.
|
|
 |
Expert
|
|
Dec 14, 2008, 06:09 PM
|
|
It is possible that counseling could help at least to find the problem. And often at 12, he feels he is no longer special with the new baby, you with a new partner ( he most likel thought he was the "man" of the house)
|
|
 |
Ultra Member
|
|
Dec 14, 2008, 06:13 PM
|
|
Dear AMcknz,
As a person who went through a family break up as a child I wanted to tell you that your not failing at all!
Everyone deals with stress in different ways and as a soon to be teenager he is acting in typical fashion. This wouldn't change no matter what you do. My twin displayed the same behaviour when he was around your son's age he was angry, complacent, stand-off-ish to name but a few of the litany of not so wonderful words that could have been used to describe my brother.
What helped him was rugby. He got into the sport and it gave him a purpose, friends, a way to get out his aggression and an identity. An identity that one struggles to find in these years of their life, regardless of a break up, although admittedly a break up doesn't help his cause.
Bottom line is this isn't all due to one defining factor, not you or the break up or the move. Don't beat yourself up, try to encourage him to get into a hobby or something to take his mind off what is stressing him. But most of all just love him and give him time and he'll calm down and come into his own.
Hope this helps some.
|
|
Question Tools |
Search this Question |
|
|
Add your answer here.
Check out some similar questions!
Relationship Failing...
[ 3 Answers ]
I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years
I'm 19, second year at university and living at home.
She's 18, first year at university and living away.
---
Since she went away to uni in September we can only manage to see each other every 5/6 weeks for a few days, and then 1/2 weeks...
Vent Failing
[ 1 Answers ]
I Have A Studor Vent That Is Venting A W/c Shower, And A Sink. I Think It Is Failing. My Washing Machine Is On The Other Side Of The House. When It Drains Both Of My Toilets Gurgle. What Is Going On?
24v Transformer keeps failing
[ 6 Answers ]
Hello, I have a 35 year old lennox furnace that seems to have an issue with the transformer. I had a repair person out and he wanted to charge me $7000 to replace the whole thing, but I won't be in this house much longer and I don't want to replace everything.
Well I sent him on his way and...
Failing to Appear
[ 1 Answers ]
Ok, I'm 16 years old and I live in canada,I ben charged with theft under 5000 , anyway I forgot to take my fingerprints at the station due to my grandpa's death. Am I going to be arrested and ever since I got caught the store said they will mail me a letter with the fine, how I have not received a...
View more questions
Search
|