[1927city]

That's the thing... I think she has been figuring it out and seems she realised what we had (I am not kidding when I say it was unbelievably good for about 90% of the time). I've been out with lots of women and this seemed different, easy, meant to be - well until the last 2 months ot so.

Its hard as I know she's not happy but is too stubborn to pick up the phone / contact me - perhaps scared too (as am I).

I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't at least try at some point to fix it - just wish she would contact me first. I'm worried that her knowing what she told my mate and my non contact will drive her off.

If I don't hear from her in the next few weeks, I was thinking along the lines of:

The email above or;
Xmas Card or;
Texting Merry Xmas / NY

Was also thinking of just sending her an oragami crane in a box to her for xmas - its how I met her and thought it may pull some emotional heart strings.

Don't know really, just thoughts at the moment.

J

[1927city]

Hi All

I've posted somewhere else more detail aout this, but I would be interested to know, particularly from a female point of view what I should do in this situation.

> My ex finished with me 7 months ago, but a pretty good break up.

> We're pretty much in no contact with each other and she's given me no sign of wanting to get back together.

> She then told one of my friends that she is still in love with me last month (but not me I might add!)

> She lives 4 hours away, but I'm due to start a new job in the NY that will take me close enough for a relationship to be feasible.

I want her back, if you were in my shoes, would you:

> intiiate contact (she will be close to my home over the xmas break)

> continue with no contact - and if so, what do you think the chances are of her coming to me?

I am interested in all opinions but particularly women obviously as I'm confused as to what she's thinking and where she's at?

Help

J

[babyshooter11]

Nobody can fully answer this for you but I think that you need to listen to yourself on what you really think would be the right thing to do. And be very careful when you make this decision. Think really hard about it and don't just make your decision because that's what you want make your decision based off what you know and what you think is right.

[1927city]

What do I know?

> that she left without saying goodbye (dont think she could tbh)

> that she definistely did love me, then went a bit funny and said she didn't - never really believed her

> that she's given me nothing since

> that she loves me in November

What is right?

> I don't know?

> I love her... unconditionally

> I want her back

> I don't want to mess this up - If I ask for a meet, she may decline, think I'm needy (other things that aren't good) - may stop her reaching if I stay in nC

> If I stay in NC, she may never come around and I could lose her through inaction

So tough... can't think about anything else

J

[Dragonfly1234]

I doubt she would initiate contact. It all boils down to whether you are willing to take the chance of being rejected or not. There is always that risk, but if you feel it's worth it, then you have nothing to loose. If you were to contact her and tell her how you feel, I would definitely be cautious and try and maintain a certain amount of pride in the process. This will help if she was to tell she doesn't feel the same way, but will also increase your chances if you aren't coming off as desperate or needy. If I were you I wouldn't wait for her to have the guts to talk to me, just think about how indecisive you are about contacting her, and girls tend to be more shy and more sensitive and afraid of rejection, unless that's just me...

[1927city]

Hey guys

Posted on a here a week or so ago - here's the update.

> Found out 2 weeks ago that the ex had cornered my mate at a party in November and said she still loved me / kept going on about me. Apparently she was pissed, but he said there was no confusion... it lasted about an hour. She didn't tell me though! She's also never spoken to him in any depth before, so it seemed calculated.

> I stressed for about a week as to whether to contact her (haven't been in touch other than an odd email for about 6 months) - she lives away (although I'm moving relatively close to her again in NY with new job in my company).

> Well I decided I needed to at least gauge where she was and called her Wed - no answer, so left a message saying I'd called to see how she was and that to give me a call so we could have a chat and catch up. Nothing very heavy at all, although it was obvious I was nervous as I spooned it up a bit.

> She replied by text, apologising for missing my call and that she was a bit busy at the mo, but would call me on Thursday to chat and catch up. Showed this to a few of the girls I was out with and they thought it was quite positive (with the kisses and bothering to reply etc). I replied saying no problems, speak tomorrow.

> She didn't call, nor Friday or tonight.

I'm really confused now. I mean, I wasn't expecting her to profess her undying love for me again, but I think her conversation with my mate says she cares for me at some level (even if she doesn't want to reunite). As such, I find it baffling, she replies to rearrange and then doesn't call!

I mean, wouldn't it be easier not to reply?

Been pickling my brain for the past few days and whilst most of mates think she's nuts, they do agree with my best guess that she's probably confused and doesn't know what she wants.

Any ideas... and what do I do as even when I've tried to sort it, I get myself here?

[TrueFaith]

The first thing I would ask..

Is.. Is your friend telling the truth many time in these cases. Friends of ours would like to us.. to kind of make us feel better.
Not knowing what could happen.

He said she said stuff is never a good idea to break contact on. In the first place

But you have done it.. so lets not dwell.
She said she would call back but has not.

She did say there was a lot of work going on. So she could just be real busy. Give it a week. If she has not contacted you by then.. I think it is safe to say that back to no contact for you.


Anyway I know how your brain is working now. And its very annoying.
Just and calm the white noise in your head somehow. Watch a few movies and relax over the weekend.

All the best

[talaniman]

I personally never believe second hand conversation, and ignore any words that contradict the actions, of a person.

So you see, whatever your friend has told you about the ex is irrelevant, and should be ignored.

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey,

I would say if she had this love and caring for you, wouldn't she be the one trying to call and contact you? I understand what you mean though about talking to her and wanting to catch up and her saying sure tomorrow or what not, yeah... I've been there man, my call never came either and that was three weeks ago. Honestly, you need to realize that this break up happened for a reason, it's most likely better off for yourself, you might not see it now it'll take some time but you will see it. I did. I haven't been happier and, I would've never thought this three months ago when I was ready to ask my ex to marry me but, here I am through hell to heaven.

You need to realize that staying in no contact with her is the best thing you can do, you do NOT want to influence this person back into your life, they need to be influenced by themselves and they're surroundings. For example, if she see's a couple out walking holding hands having a good time, you don't think she's thinking about you? Come on dude! Like stop worrying about things you can not control, I'm sorry for rambling but, I'm tired of reading these sob stories about people who just want their ex back and blah blah blah, seriously. If it was that GREAT of a relationship, you would NOT have broken up. This person has ripped out your heart and soul, and smashed them, and all you want is to LOVE them and take them back! If she wants to get back with you, she WILL contact you, it WILL happen, if that's what she wants down the road. Understand that they day may NEVER come, and who the hell cares. You guys had a good run, now you both get to go start a new one with some one else, and possibly a better one.

I Hope This Helps,
LCM

[1927city]

Hey guys

One thing I need to emphasise is that it was my friend (not hers) that told me and even then, he didn't tell me for about 4 weeks... so he certainly wasn't telling me to give me false hope. He came pretty close to not telling me at all!

I know things will / do remind her of me (although I have my moments of doubt... particularly following 6 months of her dealing with this by not addressing anything, running away and acting like I never existed).

I've been in NC as I agree, its only her who can make that leap - however, I wasn't sure if this was a reach and I called her to chat and then I could gauge if it was or wasn't.

I have no intention of pressuring her (Never have and never will - she knows this as well).

Just impossible not to question what she's up to / going on in her head. Sure its confusion on her part... but the 'white noise' makes things difficult.

Pity... as its all so unnecessary and I deserve more in terms of not being ignored (be it as a friend or lover).

[talaniman]

He didn't tell me for about 4 weeks..

That only makes it more irrelevant.

[1927city]

That only makes it more irrelevant.

Perhaps, but the fact of the matter was that I was told it and it was messing me up. I tried to sort it out in a non pressured, unconfrontational way so as I could relax and get on with my life one way or the other and its met with these stupid childish games, where the ex says one thing and does the opposite.

Retrospecitvely, I probably would not call her now - but then I wasn't expecting her to act like a 10 year old! 'I told you so', isn't much help at this point.

[LifeChangesMan]

DUDE. Stop worrying about it. Who cares. She broke up with you it's over. The sooner you realize that the better you will be.

[Yosomoton213]

Here's the deal, the same kind of drama happened to me a weekend ago. I'm going to pretend that I don't know about it.

She told my friend that she misses me, blah blah blah. But bottomline, she didn't tell me.

She knows my number by heart. She probably still has it on her phone. She knows where I live. If she wanted to really contact me, she would have chosen a better method to do so. Hell, I would even take the pony express.

But because she chose this guerilla tactic, I'm guessing that she wanted you to react in a way that would assure her that you're still "around", which you did.

If she really wanted to get back together, she would find you. Even if it meant pushing 7 numbers on the telephone... see what I mean?

[Yosomoton213]

And honestly, if she didn't make an "effort" to get back together, I would think that the resulting "relationship" would be more of the same.

That would get old reaaaal quick buddy.

You can either choose now to go no contact and move on, or continue beating yourself in the eye with a sharpened stick until you reach your breaking point, and then you will choose to go no contact and move on.

[1927city]

And honestly, if she didn't make an "effort" to get back together, I would think that the resulting "relationship" would be more of the same.

That would get old reaaaal quick buddy.

You can either choose now to go no contact and move on, or continue beating yourself in the eye with a sharpened stick until you reach your breaking point, and then you will choose to go no contact and move on.

I absolutely agree 100% - don't get me wrong guys, I have no intention of contacting her again (unless she decides too 1st) - I am doing my best to move on but its bloody difficult - especially when she's using 'guerilla tactics' - this thread isn't intended to be 'How do I get her back' - it's more trying to understand what she's trying to achieve by this latest episode and saying one thing and doing another, so I can assess, react if necessary and put it to bed. Then I can focus on me again.

[1927city]

... oh and I've not mentioned her conversation with her or any of her mates, so to be honest - following a 6 week deferal, I doubt she thinks my call is in response to it.

[talaniman]

Never underestimate the female mind, that's why they are best left alone or marry them.

[Yosomoton213]

I heard from a few credible sources that the keepers, the ones that really want to be with you, don't yoyo.

[1927city]

Cheers Guys

Still think NC is probably the best solution to this... again, however, I wrote this out as a release earlier and the more I think about it, the better an idea it becomes to send it.

What do you think? It would certainly give me back my power - wonder how she would react?

Hi ****

I note that you didn't call following your text and lied to me once again, about contact with me. I'm pretty let down, particularly as I had and have no intention of making you feel bad or uncomfortable.

I'm confused as to your behaviour, as I don't believe I've done anything to warrant it, either during our break up or thereafter. If I'm honest, your behaviour and attitude after we split has hurt me far more than anything you did, during the split.

I've made a number of exceptions for your poor behaviour from the turn of the year and admit that I probably took the easy option of blaming your exams. However, we are not in a relationship any more and if any of my friends had treated me the way you do ...well they would have been told to shape up or would not be my friends anymore.

So it's up to you from this point – I bare no grudges, no animosity, a clean slate - but I won't accept being treated like crap either. This email's not intended to make you feel guilty or bad, but I'm fed up with being the recipient of your poor behaviour.

It's your choice from now on.