[wilcoxloser]

Ever since September things have not been going well at all. I feel like I am trapped I feel like there are a series of things that are happening that are an effect of things I have done in the past. I have had a horrible year it is 2008 and things have not been going my way. I am so miserable with my life I feel like I am worthless. Everyone around me is so happy everyone enjoys life. I am not gothic emo or suicidal no way I do not believe in that stuff. I just feel like life is very unfair but not as awful as it can be. My social life is horrible really horrible. I just need to seriously get help from a professional to handle all of my problems. As I sit here and write this blog I feel so miserable so alone so forgotten. I am a lost cause who has so much time on his hands so much time to sit here and do nothing. Let me give a little background history on myself. I am 19 from New York just graduated high school but did not get accepted to any prestigious colleges like my other classmates. In a matter of fact I will be attending a community college in January 2009. I have had a horrible high school career. Did not have much friends and cannot call anyone I know a real friend. All the people who hang out with me hang out with me to help them feel better about their own insecurities about themselves. I do not have a job and I have been looking for one like crazy I have applied to hundreds of jobs here in New York and cannot get one at all. It sounds like a lie but it is true and it is normal if you do not believe me because if you don't then you are just like my mother. My mother also does not love me she looks down on me big time and constantly compares me to other young people. She says I am not responsible and that I am not a real man. She is not the only one many people look down on me. In my neighborhood people look down on me so harshly. Another bad thing that has happened to me is that my grandmother passed away in September she was a great person and the only person I know who believed in me. Everyday I look at her picture and try not to cry. I feel so horrible because I miss her so much the times when we had so much fun together and how we used to laugh with each other. While everyone was busy hating me and looking down on me my grandmother made me feel happy about myself. I am a failure a lost soul of a person someone who is worth nothing in society someone who is living just to pass the time. My worst problem is the fact that I am 19 and I never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. So many girls have crushed my feelings even right now another girl played with my heart. This seriously crushes me and people bash me for this all the time especially my "friends" this makes me feel so horrible on the inside. I feel so alone in this world and everyday is a horrible day. My heart feels so broken and so empty I feel like my heart is one big void. These are just some of my problems in a nutshell in my future blogs I will get in depth and explain the situation and how horrible each on is. I know my life can be worse and I am grateful for the things that I have like a mother who still cares about me somewhat. I don't have a father all I know is that he is a failure who had a drug problem. I was a mistake by the way I know this because I was born because my mother missed her birth control and my father was a horrible man to have a kid with. I am not even supposed to exist. I know what you the reader is thinking at this point "I am exaggerating right" No actually not at all I am saying things straight up I wish I were exaggerating. I wish I did not exist why should I be so miserable with my life. There is nothing I can do do better myself but wait and in time see what happens.

[KBC]

What are you looking to get from us?

How do we respond to such a long post with no real question in it?

How about your age?Your interests,like music,arts,woodworking,sports,snow removal(one of my favorites... NOT)

If you keep writing back,someone(me perhaps) will respond.Just keep it a little shorter next time...

[Choux]

Your post is what is called a "pity party"... anyone who joins in here is looking for a pity party, too. YOu're feeling sorry for yourself, not wanting to make an effort to change the course of your life.

I recommend a 12 Step Program for you. That would be a great help to you... give you a wonderful framework for you to base your life on.

Best wishes going forward, :)