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brad321 · Nov 28, 2008, 12:59 PM

So talaniman what do you recommend, to maybe get another shot with my ex?

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 01:23 PM

I never recommend getting an ex back after a break up.

What I do advise is get yourself in order, and learn to cope with your own feelings, in a realistic positive way.

Then you can make some good decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings.

That means to let her do her thing, and you figure out your own thing to do, without her.

It doesn't matter what she is doing, what matters, IS WHAT YOU DO FOR YOURSELF.

She is gone but your still here. I know, not what you want to hear is it?

cadillac59 · Nov 28, 2008, 02:46 PM

...was thinking of just keep giving her space and moving on and maybe she will realize what we had later down the road or what?

This is one of those questions that older people can really help with since they often can say they've been there and done it. When that's true they have the benefit of hindsight and can see what they did and didn't do right by simply looking back over the years.

You know so much of the time we already know the answers to our problems but just need to hear it from someone else. With what I quoted above I think you answered your own question.

brad321 · Nov 28, 2008, 03:48 PM

All right cadillac I understand I guess you were right I just started to second guess myself is all, and after rereading it that is what I need to do and I need to stop second guessing myself. Time to move on YAy!

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 08:25 AM

So I think I made the ultimate mistake last night, I was at a friends party, having fun and my ex shows up with some of her friends, and I had already been drinking so I go up to her and start talking and things seem to be going OK I get her to laugh and all, but I ended up apologizing about 5 times for everything and she got annyoed and pretty much stopped talking and gave me the cold shoulder. And started to go talk to all of my other friends, so I think I had a great opportunity to leave a good impression but blew it and I feel so stupid about doing that, and knew that I pry didn't leave a good impression, this sucks

talaniman · Nov 29, 2008, 09:18 AM

So, do we close this chapter and open another or what?

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 09:28 AM

I guess I have to, I don't got any other options that I haven't tried.
Maybe once I finally let go and move on she will come back but can't hang on to that hope either because no one knows my future

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 09:30 AM

Also, do people ever get "blinded" by getting attention from the opposite sex that they can't see what they once had, and if they do, is there a good chance that they will figure out o this guy actually did love me and treated me pretty well and has a good future in front of him?

JohnD212 · Nov 29, 2008, 09:38 AM

She's moving on. She probably tried to make the best of last night seeing you but you made it perfectly clear to her why she needs to not be with you. At this point you have no option but to stay away from her. If you make any other gestures towards her she'll start to hate you. In the future my friend... if you're somewhere and an ex walks in... you graciously make your departure. It's not rude. It helps you and it would have made her happier. Remember... no contact means no contact.

Do not try to "fix" this... its over. Focus on you.

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 09:45 AM

I'm not going to try to fix this anymore, there is nothing I can do I figured out. The only way I can get her back is to move on correct and let her figure it out for herself. Also, I know no one wants to be with a desperate person and that is pry what I appeared, as a clingy/needy/desperate person. The question I have is has anyone after going NC and having their ex already move on and talk with the other sex had their ex come back down the road?

talaniman · Nov 29, 2008, 10:38 AM

Brad, for as good as you think you were to her, that didn't matter not one bit did it?

She left for her own reasons and doesn't want what you offered, it happens so get over the false hope, and get on with your options YOU DO HAVE, like a life without her in it.

Your fishing for more false hope. Even if it has happened, and I'm sure it has, what good does that do you?

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 10:49 AM

Does no good cause everyone situation is different I'm a fool. I guess I just want someone to tell me that it will be all right, that we broke up for a reason so we boh could learn things in the future that could get us back together, but I realized I'm a dumb sh*t for thinking that way. Just so blind by the fact that I love her and want her back that I could forgive her for all the pain she has caused me

talaniman · Nov 29, 2008, 11:08 AM

Your not dumb Brad, just a hurt human who needs some time to heal and cope with his loss.

We all have to go through it at sometimes or another. Some of us several times, UGH!

JohnD212 · Nov 29, 2008, 11:14 AM

And Brad.. no matter how bad you feel... don't call her to apologize... I think you've done that enough... ; )

LifeChangesMan · Nov 29, 2008, 01:00 PM

Yeah, brad, we've all been there and of course the situation you talk about right now about distance and growing apart and hoping everything will get better, COULD happen, I'm not telling to you to sit around and wait for her, go live your life and by the time she realizes what she had you might not even want her back... who knows?

Check out my story if you got time, it might help you a bit https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ke-280105.html

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 01:59 PM

I know what you guys are saying and I want to say thank you so much! I'm not going to apologize again I realized I did this too much! I figured out something. The best thing is to go on with my life and not wait for her and to heal and move on and its weird but the best way to get her back is the same thing so its win win situation. I move on get stronger and heal, and maybe at the same time down the road she will come back but can't hold on to that hope if it happens it happens

LifeChangesMan · Nov 29, 2008, 02:20 PM

Very good.

brad321 · Nov 29, 2008, 02:54 PM

Its just its hard, yes I really do love her, and yes I want her to be happy and I hope she realizes what we had, but there is nothing I can do, I have to walk down the path of my life right now with out her and maybe some day our paths will cross again. THe question I got for anybody is how did you guys finally give up control and figure out there really is Nothing you can do to bring her back she has to do it on her own. Like how did you guys just let go? Cause boy do I want to I'm just having a hard time, like I know what I have to do if I ever want a chance but how to actually just let go give her space and move on

JohnD212 · Nov 29, 2008, 03:00 PM

I think we'll all agree that we didn't just let go. It's a very slow, painful process. There were days I didn't want to even look at a person I was so miserable. All the things I loved to do suddenly weren't fun anymore. I had a lot of trouble with doing No Contact. I believe that comes from not valuing myself too much... and thinking I wasn't worth my partner treating me better. Like we've all been saying.. it takes time. A LOT of time. A lot of reassuring yourself that you're doing it right helps. I guess that's why this board is here. You sound like you're doing it the way we've all done it... you do it right... you screw up... you get back on track... that's the process it takes. I know that feeling of thinking if you could just tell them exactly what you mean they'll understand and the more you try the more you spiral into that hole and it just get worse.

Well we live and learn. I'll watch to see if anyone else has a miracle solution to just letting go... but suspect they won't... life would be too easy that way Brad.

LifeChangesMan · Nov 29, 2008, 03:03 PM

Dude I'm telling you, you got time on your hands read my story.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ke-280105.html

But honestly, dude it can be any number of things, your probably just going to wake up one morning and be like everyday the sun is going to rise regardless of her being here with me or not, and I can either sit here and moan and cry everyday or I can take all this spare time I have received and do something successful with my life.

Make a list of all the negative and positive things about her, and see what list is longer.

Basically, the most important thing is what you already know, and that's there's not a thing you can do about it. As much as you think you can, you can't.