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eyevan · Nov 27, 2008, 09:38 AM

We dated for a year. She lived 30 minutes away. Things were great. I got into trouble end of our first year and lost my license for 6 months and things started to go south. We lasted about 7 more months struggling while I could not drive anywhere. We ended it mutually without a real definitive why from either of us. Just kind of went our own ways. Approximately 3 months later she texts me "Are you happy". I was doing fine, but glad to hear from her. I saw her for about a week after that text and she pretty much said she loved me wanted to be with me and just wanted to make it happen. At that very time I was leaving for a week and a half and didn't have an answer for her. I came back from my vacation all the while thinking of her and decisions and I call her about a week later. We then see each other for the past 2 weeks. Now she says she is busy, met a younger guy that will lead to nothing, but just needs time and space. Throughout our first year she told me she loved me, wanted to marry etc. I never responded without a dodge. So as I have thought things over, now 4.5 months later, from the initial breakup. I realized she is the one. So I told her everything she wanted with me is what I want, but it just took me a while to open up, not dodge or hide my feelings and commit (she would always call me a commitmentphobe). Well this is during the latest 2 week stint where she needs time and space now. She told me she still loved me, wanted to be with me, likes that I am talking now, loves what I am saying, BUT likes hanging out with her friends, is busy with school and at a determining point of making her program AND kind of met this young guy who is nothing serious, but is around her friends a lot. She told me it would go nowhere, but all I think is she wants a quick fling with this youngster. Anyhow I lose it and spiral into a dark hole of hurt. She says we are not completely over, but needs time and space because she is stressed. I have started the no contact for 2 days now. It is very hard and my mind just races horribly.
The weird thing is we plan xmas and things to buy for her daughter, we all go to her brothers for the weekend, upon our return she tells me to leave, I have "seen her too much lately". She gives and takes on a daily basis. One night she is happy and feels good I am over. The next I have to leave and she does not want to talk.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2008, 10:08 AM

The weird thing is we plan xmas and things to buy for her daughter,

Cancel it. She treats you like dirt because you let her. That has to stop. Real men don't take that abuse and put up with that sort of disrespectful behavior, and go back for more, when she has time? When she says so?? You have got to be kidding me!!!

we all go to her brothers for the weekend, upon our return she tells me to leave, I have "seen her too much lately".

I agree, she has had enough of her puppy dog and is sending you away, because you will return when she whistles, "here boy"!!

She gives and takes on a daily basis. One night she is happy and feels good I am over. The next I have to leave and she does not want to talk.

Ain't that much love in the world to keep going back to that kind of treatment!

I have started the no contact for 2 days now. It is very hard and my mind just races horribly.

Better to deal with your own feelings, than keep letting her punk you out.

Stick with NC, and disappear from her life, that's the best move you have come up with. Don't let her confuse you with any other BS talk about how she feels, and let this young guy take her shopping and being her pet. Not you.

Sorry to be so harsh, but I felt you needed an emotional slap upside your head, and I hope it stings, and makes you think!

eyevan · Nov 27, 2008, 10:43 AM

I have always shied away from anything too serious with all the women I have been with. I even called it quits without any mention of marriage with a women after 5 years together. Now I feel different. I actually see a future and will talk about it and share my feelings. It is like I responded to all her questions and wants from our whole relationship all at once. I never thought about doing that with anyone. I can't get my mind off I I were to cut her loose why would she say she wants to be with me and loves me but need the space. She says I do not respect her school work or need for time with little pressure. She tells me we are not "over."
I guess since I really love her I have the time. I can stay busy and do not need to just run out and find another woman. H**l I even filled today with 17 hours of work to stay busy. It is just agony not knowing what she wants and for how long. I have trouble sleeping, eating, I can't stand people around me.

eyevan · Nov 27, 2008, 11:12 AM

Nerve racking. Apparently I should not have chose to work 17 hours alone on Thanksgiving. I go over and over conversations in my mind; "I feel like you're smothering me", "you can't hold on so tightly", "you need to relax", "if you don't give me the time I asked for it's completely over"

talaniman · Nov 27, 2008, 01:28 PM

I can't stand people around me.

People are just the distraction you need, and if you pay attention, you will learn something.

That's what you need is to learn how people want to be treated, and how you want to be treated.

That's what relationships are about, learning about someone other than yourself, and when you don't get along, move on.

Volunteering would be great for you during holidays.