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s_cianci · Oct 21, 2007, 07:24 PM

It seems that he himself didn't know about the kid until after the two of you met. And evidently you didn't know each other all that long when he found out. It isn't necessarily reasonable to expect him to pour out his heart to you so soon after meeting you. I really don't think there's a trust issue here. Have you told him all of the details of your personal life yet? I bet the answer is no.

AKaeTrue · Oct 21, 2007, 07:30 PM

Is this the only thing that has happened to cause a trust issue? Or is there more?

Cher13 · Oct 21, 2007, 07:31 PM

Acutally we were very open I told him everything and I thought he told me the same we were 10 months together before I found out and I forgot to mention that she claimed he was with her the hole time :( relation ship wise and sexualy!

Cher13 · Oct 21, 2007, 07:33 PM

He claime its not true and she's just tryihng to mess with me cause she wants to be with him, but every time he picks up his phone or leaves or I don't talk to him I get all kinds of horable thoughts in my head that he's with her or that I don't mean anything to him... I love him and he says he loves me but how do I trust this?

Cher13 · Oct 21, 2007, 07:38 PM

Oh andddddd I don't think I mentioned were not even together right now!! We broke up when all this happened but never got back together were still pretty much the same towards each other but he won't go back out with me... this is such a mess, am I just an idiot for going through this? I try'd ending it a little bit ago but we ended up missing each other and getting back together unofficialy of course

AKaeTrue · Oct 21, 2007, 07:38 PM

Originally Posted by Cher13

he claime its not true and she's just tryihng to mess with me cause she wants to be with him, but everytime he picks up his phone or leaves or i dont talk to him i get all kinds of horable thoughts in my head that he's with her or that i dont mean anything to him...... i love him and he says he loves me but how do i trust this?

By his actions... you trust this by his actions :D

whiteribbon · Oct 22, 2007, 02:51 AM

I use no contact because I want to get over the person more quick and move onto with my life, not in the hope they will miss me enough to want to get back together because what would be the point of that if you broke up in the first place?

Jiser · Oct 22, 2007, 03:59 PM

Well I finally used NC to get over my ex. Its starting to work now : )

I still have some hope that she may get in contact with me one day. But as time flys I realise what we had wasn't all that great and she treated me pretty bad plus I was too FULL ON!

Without my relationship I honestly wouldn't be the person I am today, my outlook on life has completely changed.

KelseyBom · Oct 24, 2007, 01:59 PM

Originally I was going to say maybe you just have trust issues that you need to deal with... but then I read the last post saying he had a kid and never told you... that is a big deal. That makes me wonder what else he isn't telling you. Trust to me in like the #1 one thing in relationships... it can make or break you. If he is giving you reasons to NOT trust him... you'll probably never be able to. But if he is genuinly honest with you and this is the only thing he lied to you about (which is still pretty major I think) maybe it's issues you need to deal with and it really has nothing to do with him. You should tell him that you won't tolerate lying and to make sure there aren't any more dirty secrets he didn't tell you about... if this is it... and you really love him... then you have issues you yourself need to work on.

FrOsT_bItE · Oct 24, 2007, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by Cher13

yes, the trust issues are because of him, i think i'm way to trusting, then i found out he had a one night stand(a few weeks befor we met) and had a kid!!!!! and didnt tell me,i found out by the mother AFTER the kid was born, he only found out 3 months befor his son was born tho and said he didnt want to tell me cause he didnt want to lose me but ever sense then i'm soooooo confused!

It seems to me that your boyfriend sounds like he is just using you. He knows that you are easy to convince and the longer he lies and you and you believe him, the harder it's going to be to for you to get over him. I think you should leave him asap. He is not worth your time and there are heaps of other guys out there who are more trusting. Time to leave him, move on and then one day you will meet your prince charming :D

Cher13 · Oct 26, 2007, 10:36 AM

Thank you all

enigmagnetic · Oct 26, 2007, 02:34 PM

Withholding can be just as destructive as lying so they can be equated in this instance. Plus, he has a whole bunch of crap in his past that you will keep dealing with and dealing with. Make him work for you, break it off with him and see his actions afterwards but from a distance. Good luck.

Cher13 · Nov 26, 2008, 04:45 PM

I know this is kinds longer but can you please please please read it and let me know what you think?? I'm soooo LOST!

So I have had A lot of problems with my boyfriend of 2 years... he has a child with another woman who has always told me they are together but he denises everything and says she's crazy blah blah blah... anyway we have been working thur our problems and trust issues but we fight so much about anything and everything to do with this child and him going to see the child... I don't mind what so ever him going to see this child as long as he's honest about going there (hes lied before in the past) but with this woman saying there together still and in a relationship I'm constenly worryed and sick that any of this is true so we fight and fight and fight and when we fight he's awful to me he calls me every bad name in the book tells me I'm fat and a stalker and useless and how he hates me and will never marry me... so here's my question whens enough enough? When things between us are good there REALLY good but when there bad there REALLY bad and it's a 50/50 battel... will this ever get better or has 2 years of this crap just broken us? Should I leave? I'm just so worryd I won't find anyone with a connection like I have with him and how deeply I love him!! PLEASE help!

Cher13 · Nov 26, 2008, 04:47 PM

Oh ps... I've caught him there quite a few times when he claimed to be some where else... then claims it was to see his son so I can never get mad... or can I?

JohnD212 · Nov 26, 2008, 05:35 PM

I think you answered your question... this is enough. The man has a child... he has an issue with telling you the truth and he doesn't appear to know how to give you a full, happy relationship. You can either walk away (which you don't sound ready to do) or you can tell him that if he plans to be with you.. he needs to take further steps to be 100% with you. He will always have that child.. so the child and the child's mother aren't going away. You have to accept that and he has to make it as stress free for you as he can. He doesn't sound capable of that.

I think its enough. You don't sound happy. Remember... Love is suppose to be wonderful. I received a fortune in a cookie the other night... guess I'll share it with you... it says:

Meaningful relationships bring meaning to life

I don't see how this is bringing meaning to your life. I don't see how this is making you happier than you were before him. Take time to yourself. He has a lot of growing up to do.

I know its painful... hang in there. Hope I helped a little... you're not alone in feeling pain.

LifeChangesMan · Nov 26, 2008, 07:05 PM

You said it yourself, this is a 50 / 50 relationship so why not say for 12 hours of the day, your miserable the other 12 your happy, or your happy for 188 days (you can be happier one more day) of the year and then miserable for the other 187... like I don't foresee that as a good thing and not being honest with each other is the biggest flaw in a relationship, if you love him and want to make it work do it, but it seems like your bending and bending for him, he's not doing the same for you.

Hope this helps you, I'll try to be in touch. Have a good thanksgiving.

ZoeMarie · Nov 26, 2008, 07:20 PM

I agree with everyone here. It sounds like you answered your own question. Enough is enough. Either he is lying to you or you don't trust him, and both of those scenarios are bad. If he's lying about going to see his kid though, that most likely means there's something else going on that you don't know about. I would get rid of him for all these reasons.

EN Ken · Nov 27, 2008, 12:27 AM

This sounds to me like an abusive relationship which you need to get yourself out of. As everyone else has said, you need to get yourself out of it.

A good question that you might ask yourself is why you are attracted to a man like this. From experience, I've learned that people tend to repeat behaviour patterns and get themselves into the same situations over and over. Is there something in your past that attracts you to such abuse? Did your father treat your mother this way? Were your ex-boyfriends like this?

If not, then get yourself out of there because this may just be a one time thing.

If so, get yourself out of there and break that pattern of behaviour.

Please, please, please get yourself out of that situation. It's incredibly destructive.

kctiger · Nov 27, 2008, 07:18 AM

Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself this same question. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? A beautiful person, someone with so much to offer and so much goodness to spread. You don't deserve to be in a relationship like this. Start your life over, with people that really love you being around you. Make a change, because you deserve it! Good luck, and happy Thanksgiving.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2008, 08:26 AM

should I leave?

Yes, you should definitely remove yourself from this situation. It is unhealthy and abusive and your suffering because of it.

I'm just so worryd I won't find anyone with a connection like I have with him

There are a lot of good guys out there so don't let fear of being alone, keep you in misery and pain with these selfish, abusive psychos, him and the ex.

How deeply I love him!

Ain't that much love in the world to give up your dignity and self respect and happiness, for misery pain, and disrespect.

They are both slowly destroying you, so yes, leave ASAP, and leave them to their own problems, and give you a chance to deal with yours, through leaving a bad, unhealthy, situation, and healing from the abuse.