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NItEMArE129 · Nov 16, 2008, 09:35 AM

She wants to stay together "no matter what"

talaniman · Nov 16, 2008, 09:47 AM

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Another member posted this link, but I think it's a very good read.

NItEMArE129 · Nov 16, 2008, 10:06 AM

thanks tal ^^

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 04:32 PM

Threads merged

My girlfriend and I have been going out for six months. We've been through a few tough times but we still love each other. And she's also moving to California this summer so we may have to start a long-distance relationship. However, lately I've been feeling like I don't want to be in this relationship as much as I used to but other times I'm happy we're still together. This is my and her first relationship so I'm a little bit confused about this. Any advice?

monaburton · Dec 1, 2008, 04:57 PM

Just try to stay positive. Meaning think of her feelings as well as yours.

TrueFaith · Dec 1, 2008, 04:59 PM

After 6 months the honeymoon is over so to speak feelings change you just have ask yourself if she makes you happy and is this worth all the effort. Good luck

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 05:04 PM

What should I talk to her about? How I'm feeling primarily or how to fix it?

hjpan · Dec 1, 2008, 05:29 PM

Get over her.

If she's moving to Cali, chances are... she's going to fall for high school sports jock.

I live in Cali and went to high school....

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 05:39 PM

I can see what you're coming from hjpan but I don't think that'll be the case... I'm not worried about her falling for somebody else because I'm perfectly okay with letting her go. But I absolutely refuse to do that before it happens because there's no way I can know. So I don't want to sound like I'm rejecting your advice, but I want to solve the problem at hand, not run away from it. But I can see where you're coming from.

JohnD212 · Dec 1, 2008, 05:46 PM

This is a relatively new relationship and you're both on different ships going in different directions (sorry for the romantic novel images there)... just be thankful you met her and tell her that the distance is going to be too great to really make it work. It's better to agree to end the relationship for that reason... how refreshing.. a mature break up. You'll also leave both of you with a much healthier approach to your next relationships.

I always say.. be kind when you break up. Treat her as you would want to be treated at that moment... but also be firm about your decision. No false hope.

Good luck to you both.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 05:50 PM

Once again, I don't want to break up with her unless it's definite that we won't work out. And by that, I mean that it's something we can't work through. Distance is relative... 9 hours away could be just as bad as one hour. So please, help me identify and fix the problem at hand and not run away from it. Mature break-ups are good, yes. But what use is it being mature if it's not at the right moment? And to ward off anybody saying that I don't want to hear these pieces of advice, yes, I don't want to hear them. But that's because they're not addressing the question I want answered. Running away from this won't help me the next time this happens. I want to deal with it now.

hjpan · Dec 1, 2008, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Once again, I don't want to break up with her unless it's definite that we won't work out. And by that, I mean that it's something we can't work through. Distance is relative... 9 hours away could be just as bad as one hour. So please, help me identify and fix the problem at hand and not run away from it. Mature break-ups are good, yes. But what use is it being mature if it's not at the right moment? And to ward off anybody saying that I don't want to hear these pieces of advice, yes, I don't want to hear them. But that's because they're not addressing the question I want answered. Running away from this won't help me the next time this happens. I want to deal with it now.

Serious advise?

I was in a long distance relationship with my first ex for more than 14 months. It was hard and unstable, but we've managed to meet up and hang out. Yes, we did have intercourse and we were virgins. Well, she left me for her "single life" in San Francisco to "party & get drunk" while her parents are paying $60k/year for her tuition + room & board.

We tried "friends" but she became a different person and was an @$$hole.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 07:04 PM

Regardless, it's not fair ofr you to make judgements upon a girl who you know absolutely nothing about. Because A) You don't know her and B) I haven't told you anything about her. Logically, I believe that I would be in a better position to judge her personality. Not everybody would do what your ex did to you, and while I am sorry for you, that doesn't mean I'm willing to hinder myself according to your experiences.

hjpan · Dec 1, 2008, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Regardless, it's not fair ofr you to make judgements upon a girl who you know absolutely nothing about. Because A) You don't know her and B) I haven't told you anything about her. Logically, I believe that I would be in a better position to judge her personality. Not everybody would do what your ex did to you, and while i am sorry for you, that doesn't mean I'm willing to hinder myself according to your experiences.

Why would you hold onto something that is broken or will be broken?

JohnD212 · Dec 1, 2008, 07:15 PM

We're here to help you... I don't think we're in a position to do that. We don't know her... and honestly... if you seriously think the distance won't be a problem... then you're on your own.

We're here if you need us if/when this ends. It doesn't sound to me like either of you know how to communicate. There isn't an easy solution. Just know that a relationship at such an early age shouldn't be so much work and/or pain.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 07:19 PM

Broken? Can you prove that it is broken? All I've told you was that I don't feel the same as I used to and that it bothers me. That does not mean that I don't still love her. And will be broken? This whole time, I've said that I want to make it so that it WON'T be broken. In your situation, yes, it was broken. But in my situation, it's not. You're trying to compare my situation to yours and in doing so, you conclude that it is exactly the same and that I should end it now before I get hurt. However, my situation is just that; it's my situation, and not yours. There are differences, and they are major differences. First and foremost, my girlfriend and I respect each other and have been raised to stay away from alcohol and drugs. So, once again, don't assume anything beyond what I have told you. You are merely filling in the gaps with information from your own relationship that, honestly, have little relation to mine.

hjpan · Dec 1, 2008, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Broken? Can you prove that it is broken? All I've told you was that I don't feel the same as I used to and that it bothers me. That does not mean that I don't still love her. And will be broken? This whole time, I've said that I want to make it so that it WON'T be broken. In your situation, yes, it was broken. But in my situation, it's not. You're trying to compare my situation to yours and in doing so, you conclude that it is exactly the same and that I should end it now before I get hurt. However, my situation is just that; it's my situation, and not yours. There are differences, and they are major differences. First and foremost, my girlfriend and I respect each other and have been raised to stay away from alcohol and drugs. So, once again, don't assume anything beyond what I have told you. You are merely filling in the gaps with information from your own relationship that, honestly, have little relation to mine.

I DON'T FEEL THE SAME AS I USED TO AND THAT IT BOTHERS ME.

You just admitted the relationship is broken.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 1, 2008, 07:23 PM

No, I admitted that a honeymoon kind of love doesn't last forever. Novelty wears off. If you can feel the same way at the start of a relationship and at the point of one 6 years later, then you either found someone who constantly changes or you guys constantly break up and get back together.

TrueFaith · Dec 1, 2008, 07:51 PM

Its time to make up your mind.

For a relationship and a long distance one to work

Both partners need to be on the same page

Talk with your partner find out where she is. And work out a plan together

NItEMArE129 · Dec 4, 2008, 04:59 PM

Threads merged

My girlfriend has a lot of family problems. Her dad is abusive to her and her mother. He makes her feel unconfident and that she's worthless. He also screams at her mother too and makes her feel the same way. And this has been going on for 15 years. Her father refuses to listen to reason: he curses at counselors and walks out, he ignores my girlfriend and her mother when they try to talk to him, and he continues doing whatever he wants. My question is, how can this be changed? Can I do anything? Or is there anything I can advise her to do that will help her with her dad? And they do not want to get any law enforcement involved in this situation. Her parents don't know that I know this.