[fadinglight]

I have been dating this boy for about 11 months. A week or two before our one year, we decided that we needed a temporary break. He had liked another girl and I had liked another boy. We were still both in high school. Well, it didn't last long and we got back together I believe that same night. I was slightly distanced and hurt afterwards and he was perfectly fine. I explained why I was like that and he just accepted it. A day or two later I was back to my old self and held his hand at lunch, but he didn't hold it back. After school, he told me he was leaving me. I was devastated. I told him to come by my house after I was home. He stopped by and I gave him the stuff he had give me back: A necklace that he had given me the first month and I always wore it, A cd from valentine's day, Notes I had kept, and his picture.
We still hung out afterward, but I would wind up staring and a few times he'd stare back. He had given me back the necklace and the cd over time...
On our one year, I asked him to a movie with another friend (girl) of mine. He came and he sat next to me. Halfway through Nick and Norah, he turned and looked at me and said I was beautiful. I just about started crying and told him he shouldn't say that. He turned back to the movie. A few minutes later he turned and said he missed me and still loved me. Needless to say, we got back together. We texted and he said he wasn't leaving and that he didn't want me, he needed me.
The following night he thought about leaving because he finally realized how much he had hurt me. He asked me why I loved him so, and so I told him. Things like I really do love his eyes, how he holds me, says he loves me. Lots of things. He said all right... that he just needed to know. That he wasn't going anywhere. A night or two later, he stopped by after work and we talked. He said he didn't know if he loved me anymore, and if he did he thought it was a sisterly love. He said he didn't want to leave but he had to. He had changed. He started drinking and had tried pot, picked fights with other people, and was overall just different.
I was crushed but I said, couldn't we at least try to make it a month. He said yeah, we could try. I made him promise. So we went on 'going out' although I was the only one saying I love you. He never held my hand again. A few days later he said he couldn't do it and broke it off again. Needless to say this crushed me again.
That was about a month ago. Since then, he has given me a few rides to places. I asked him if he ever thought about us still (last monday) and he said he thinks about us all the time but doesn't want anyone to get hurt. He says he still cares a lot. I spilled my guts out to him a few times, telling him why and how much I love him. How much he means. The times I have, he just sits there silently and says nothing. I asked him if he still loves me. He says he doesn't know. Recently , I found out from a friend that he likes another girl or at least has a thing. I'm not sure if this is true, but I want him back so much... I don't know what to do...

[fadinglight]

Also I forgot to mention the facts that he had previously (in the 11 months) asked me to marry him roughly 4 times, and random things like that. I was 15 and am now 16. He was 16 and is now 17 (Novembet 2nd and 3rd.)

[ScottGem]

Simple answer: You move on.

At your age crushes, even what may seem like love is fleeting and may occur several times. He's told you he wants to move on and no matter how much it may hurt, you have to also.

[fadinglight]

Is there anyone with an answer that is slightly comforting. I know there are probably others, thousands, in my stead as well...

[JBeaucaire]

Um, depends on what you mean by comforting.

You have to know... you ARE going to be OK. Learning to navigate the waters of love takes many, many trips. Each time you will sail more smoothly and recover from the end of the adventure more readily.

You really will be fine. It's OK that you two are finished. Don't mistake that to think your feelings for one another have completely gone, they haven't, they won't, and they don't need to. You'll be best served if you learn to remember them fondly.

But don't let those old feelings distract your "now". They're best served AS memories. Dragging them into the present again is just making new misery you don't need.

Most of all, figure out what you learned about yourself and dating in general from this guy and use all that info to do better next time. And when your next adventure in dating ends, make good mental notes about THAT one... do even better after that.

You're going to be awesome. Right now it just hurts and that's OK. Let it.

When you or he start to flirt with the old feelings, YOU be the strong one and don't let it happen. It ended badly before, so there's no need to repeat that.

[SimpleguyJoe]

Some times there is little to no comfort for these kinds of feelings. Only little tid bits and flashs of comfort as you realize slowly but surely that you don't need this guy and your life is going to move on without him. Time ticks rather slowly if your beating yourself up emotionally all the time but in the end when you don't think about it you will feel better before you know it. Even though time ticks slowly it will still pass you by if you let it and keep yourself wondering what if about this relationship.

Just remember to take what went wrong and make a mental note of it and don't let it happen again. Remember the things and times when your relationship were good and steady and emulate them. Live and learn.

[fadinglight]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get him back? I realize you all think I should move on. You may be right. But I am just curious okay?

[kitten420]

Move on and act like you can care less about him it will drive him crazy. But with all honestly it sounds like to me that your ex boyfriend can't even commit to a french fry. It would be better for you to just move on.