[Crybaby9112001]

I was just wondering if you could help me. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have a 14 month year old boy. I am 18 and he is 23. I know we met at a really young age and that is why I excuss so many of our problems. I love him but I have cheated on him more then 5 times(he doesn't know). I recently found out that he was talking with another girl... and I know he wanted to have sex with her. He said they only met once and they have only talked on the phone ever since... I told him to stp talking to her, he said he did, 2 months later I she called and he admitted to talking with her again and nothing else. I forgave him cause I know I have done worse but at the same time I know I am a changed women... but I just can't feel OK around him anymore... we are trying to put this behind us but I just can't get over it. I don't trust him anymore but I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him... What should I do?

[educatedhorse_2005]

The reason you fill that you can't trust him is because you have cheated.
You have to sit down and talk to him about your concerns and come clean with him.
Maybe he has cheated on you.
You can not make a relationship work unless both people who are involved are honest with each other.

[Krs]

People can forgive But people don't forget.
You have a lot of bad history between you.
It's a shame you a child involved as it would be easier for you two to get out of.
Honesty is the key to a relationship.

You are both holding back a lot of stuff between you that's probably going to explode quite soon.

[Wildcat21]

My old saying rings true once again... Once a cheater, always a cheater.

These people have that cheating gene that some how THEY JUSTIFY IT'S OK TO CHEAT.

I feel sad for them because something isn't right in their make up. Too bad for them.

I think you need to work on yourself. Your 18 and already cheated 5 times on him?? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - that's awful.

PLUS - you have a kid?? With him.

What a mess.

[Krs]

I think you need to work on yourself. Your 18 and already cheated 5 times on him?????????? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - that's awful.

PLUS - you have a kid????? with him.

What a mess.

Have to spread some love round, you are so straight forward, no betting round the bush.. I love it :)

[Crybaby9112001]

I asked for advice not your criticism. Don't post here if you have no advice or you feel you need to condem me. Wildcat do not post here again.

[Wildcat21]

Never - because no one in their lives tell them the truth - friends tend to sugar coat things. I spare feelings here for a reason - they don't know me - I don't know them. They need to hear reality - because what's going on in their heads is not reality.

[Crybaby9112001]

Wildcat its OK to tell the truth but you didn't come on this post to tell the truth you came here to tell me how you feel. I asked a question and you weren't able to answer. Like I said if you came here to criticize Don't. If you feel you can't do what I asked then at least respect my dicision to not hear from you again and don't read any of my post again. Honesty can be your gift but also your curse. THIS SITE IS NOT FOR CRITICISM IT IS FOR ADVICE IF YOU can't FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT THEN YOU Shouldn't POST!

[Wildcat21]

You deserve critiscism. Your life is a mess. Work on yourself.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Crybaby, you're offended because you don't want to hear the truth about your behavior. You have to recognize and accept that it was your choice of actions that led you into this big mess. You are responsible.

You don't trust your boyfriend because you don't trust yourself. It was so easy for you to cheat, you believe that he will too as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

You may well believe you are a "changed woman" today. The problem is that tomorrow, when things are tough again, you're most likely to revert back to the behaviour you already know. You rationalized your cheating more than 5 times already, what's another time or two when it's really tough..

I don't believe you can every be happy with this guy. I think you don't have any respect for your boyfriend. If he actually forgives you - I'd bet you'd respect him even less. And if he has any self-resepct, he'll drop you like a hot potato anyway.

Even if you somehow work things out, you'll always have that little nagging feeling of mistrust between you - and inside yourself.

[Crybaby9112001]

I understand where you are comeing from Philly but I didn't post this for people to tell me that I'm ****ed up and I'm at a dead end. I came here to get advice. But it doesn't matter now cause I posted this awhole ago. I took Demonspeeding, Krs and Chery's advice. I had no other choice. I told my boyfriend what had happened and he told me he already knew, he found out when it happened but he didn't want to tell me. But since we have a kid now we both no it is different now. Sometimes it can get akward when I see another actractive women around him but and same for him. We both are doing good now, I know over time it will get better...
Philly I wasn't offended because I didn't want to hear the truth... I knew it was wrong what I did but I was fifteen at the time and I was going through a lot of emotional things... im not saying that as an excuse but I know that the reason I did those things was bigger than anything I could have handled, probably bigger than anything a lot of people could handle.
I wasn't getting angry because wildcat was telling the truth I was getting angry because the way she was commenting on things and the things that she said wasn't true, such as "Once a cheater always a cheater" or her saying that my life is a mess. I don't feel that people can say such things when they don't know you as a person and being that she thinks that it is OK to talk to people in that manner is really disturbing.

Philly you basically said the same thing as her but in a different manner. I don't agree with about 80 percent of what you have said because my relationship with my boyfriend has already changed for the better. And yes i am a changed woman now. I am in a new environment and I my mentality has changed. Believe it or not 4 years you can overcome a lot of things, at 15 years old you are already going through so many changes and other added things to it.
You and wildcat act as if you have not made mistakes in your life that you have regreted, and of course I'm sure you had a family to guide you and friends to help you through. But others are not as gifted as that. When I met my boyfriend I was 13 living in the streets with no guidance, it took me a lot of time to overcome the things that I went through, but I did it, I was able to get through without people like you and wildcat telling me that it is never going to get beter and My life is messed up and its all my fault.
I can understand where people like you and wildcat come from... it is so easy to judge people when you don't know them, when you haven't lived there life, and when you have never been in the situation.
But I truthfully thought that this site was a site advice and support. But I guess I still have a lot to learn when it comes to the internet.

[phillysteakandcheese]

You are fooling yourself.

You said "...i posted this awhole ago..." Your post is 9 days old... and in those nine days you say you have already made a complete confession to your boyfriend and believe your relationship is "already changed for the better"..

You're still a rebelious teenager and have an "I'll show you" attitude. You don't want to hear these things. You want all the bad things to go away and have everything be "okay" with the snap of your fingers.

I can tell you that real life is no where near that simple.

Make no mistake - I believe you can make a better life for yourself, and you probably want to for the sake of your child, but if you think you've got everything worked out with your boyfriend in just 9 days, you have completely fooled yourself.

[Wildcat21]

Philly - you're right on. I am trying hammer home lifes truths. Lots of growing up to do. Still a child.

[Crybaby9112001]

Well I guess you are right... it seems to be all right.. it just seems like a long time cause so many things are going on. I am that way but I just don't see any other way to be. I mean who wants things to stay bad... of course I just want things to go good especially now that things are finally comeing together in my life... I definitely don't have an "ill show you atitude" . I am just trying to make sense of this whole thing.
My boyfriend is acting fine, he is finally spending time with me and my son, he took us out this weekend, he finally is acting apart of this family. We were growing so distant and now it seems to be comeing together. So why wouldn't I think it is going good?
I know I am still a child and I pretty sure it is going to take about 20 more years to get the hang of this being an adult thing but am I not allowed to make mistakes during the way?
How can I do that... how can anyone go on living without making mistakes? And if you do make mistakes that you can't erase am I just suppose to feel bad and act like nothing ever happened and ignore everyone I've hurt? I thought me posting this thread was suppose to help me through the bad times... so how am I suppose to act? And with every mistake I make People start throwing rocks at me then what is the whole point of living?

[J_9]

Unfortunately sometimes it take a slap in the face to see the truth. I believe that is what Wildcat21 was trying to do.

It is really a shame that sometimes that is what it takes for us to learn life's lessons, but that is really the way life is.

It is easier for an "outsider" to point out the problems in our relationships because the people close to us want to protect us. However, from my lengthy experience, it is those outsiders that we learn to most of. I agree it may hurt to hear the truth, but if that is what it takes to get us on the right path, then that is what we need.

You say "with every mistake i make People start throwing rocks at me then what is the whole point of liveing? Well, the answer lies in the fact that life does not give us a set of instructions, we ALL make mistakes, some of us have been there and some of us are going there. The only thing that those of us who have been there can do is to warn those of you who are going there. I know it seems like I am ranting, but if you read closely you will understand what I mean.

Those of us older than you have already experienced much of what you are going through. All we are trying to do is to help to show you the right path.

The point of living is to make your mistakes so that you can help your child follow the right path.

[Crybaby9112001]

It sounds right and I understand you when you put it like that but Wildcat was not putting it like that... she was comeing from somewhere else. I can listen when people talk to me respectfully but the minute I see someone getting rude I really don't care what they are saying. Compare the way you said what you said and the compare what wildcat said. There is a big differnce. But I don't need "a slap in the face" I need people to talk to me in a respectful manner.
Trust me I know how I am. I understand when people talk to me in a good way... I have had enough people in my life to act every sort of way except respectfully. But I see where you are comeing from J9, Thanks for making me understand more.

[J_9]

Hey, hon, honestly we have all been there done that, if you know what I mean. Wildcat truly does not mean any harm, he has helped me through some crises' also, and I listened to the same thing, but if you put down your guard, you can hear the truth in his words.

I know he sounds harsh, but he knows what he is doing and in the end, he does it well.

So just be patient, listen, get pissed off, calm down, and then read again from an outsiders perspective. You will see he is trying to give you the truth, no matter how it may hurt, it is the truth, and sometimes that is what some of us need to hear to put us into action to help ourselves.

Keep your chin up, you can get through this.

[Crybaby9112001]

Ok I see what you are saying. Ill try and uderstand his weird personal chosen words... its just going to take a while to get there.
Thanks for being patient and listening to me j9.

[talaniman]

I asked for advice not your criticism. Don't post here if you have no advice or you feel you need to condem me. Wildcat do not post here again.

Tell your b/f the whole truth and accept the consequences of your actions is the best advice I can give, and be prepared to be alone because he may NOT like being cheated on and lied to. You also could give a lot less attitude and open- your mind and listen to what advice you do get. Also do you honestly think sweet talking is going to make you see what a wreck you've already made of your life and your boyfriends? How do you expect anyone to react to some one who has cheated 5 times and your pissed because now your boyfriend is cheating and you want this relationship to work! Stop being so shallow and selfish is my advice. Come clean and be honest! Get help if you must but don't think for a second that attitude you have now will get you anything but misery. If you need more advice come on back I got plenty!

Also-

Wildcat its OK to tell the truth but you didn't come on this post to tell the truth you came here to tell me how you feel. I asked a question and you weren't able to answer. Like I said if you came here to criticize Don't. If you feel you can't do what I asked then at least respect my dicision to not hear from you again and don't read any of my post again. Honesty can be your gift but also your curse.

You would have to prove you know what honesty is -OR-TOUGH LOVE!

PS- IF we didn't care no one here would even bother to be HONEST with you, I hope you get it

[Depressed in MO]

I understand where you are comeing from Philly but i didnt post this for people to tell me that im ****ed up and im at a dead end. I came here to get advice. But it doesnt matter now cause i posted this awhole ago. I took Demonspeeding, Krs and Chery's advice. I had no other choice. I told my boyfriend what had happened and he told me he already knew, he found out when it happened but he didnt want to tell me. But since we have a kid now we both no it is different now. Sometimes it can get akward when i see another actractive women around him but and same for him. We both are doing good now, i know over time it will get better....
Philly I wasnt offended because i didnt want to hear the truth....i knew it was wrong what i did but i was fifteen at the time and i was going through a lot of emotional things...im not saying that as an excuse but i know that the reason i did those things was bigger than anything i could have handled, probably bigger than anything alot of people could handle.
I wasnt getting angry because wildcat was telling the truth i was geting angry because the way she was commenting on things and the things that she said wasnt true, such as "Once a cheater always a cheater" or her saying that my life is a mess. I dont feel that people can say such things when they dont know you as a person and being that she thinks that it is ok to talk to people in that manner is really disturbing.

Philly you basicly said the same thing as her but in a different manner. I dont agree with about 80 percent of what you have said because my relationship with my boyfriend has already changed for the better. and yes i am a changed woman now. I am in a new enviornment and i my mentality has changed. Believe it or not 4 years you can overcome a lot of things, at 15 years old you are already going through so many changes and other added things to it.
You and wildcat act as if you have not made mistakes in your life that you have regreted, and of course im sure you had a family to guide you and friends to help you through. but others are not as gifted as that. When i met my boyfriend i was 13 liveing in the streets with no guidance, it took me a lot of time to overcome the things that i went through, but i did it, i was able to get through without people like you and wildcat telling me that it is never going to get beter and My life is messed up and its all my fault.
I can understand where people like you and wildcat come from....it is so easy to judge people when you dont know them, when you havent lived there life, and when you have never been in the situation.
But i truthfully thought that this site was a site advice and support. But i guess i still have a lot to learn when it comes to the internet.

Girl you are so right, a lot of people on here are very quick to criticize. But not everyone on here is like that and you are right-they don't know what it's like to be in your shoes so why do they feel they have the right to talk to you like that when they don't really know how it feels to be in your shoes? No one should ever tell anybody that they messed up their life and it can't get better now. If someone told me that... let's not go there. Keep your chin up and good luck.