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Witchywoman1212 · Nov 3, 2008, 07:43 PM

Hello everyone

I have been healing from my LDR breakup and been feeling better,so on hallws eve I decided to text my exes e-mail and lo and behold I got a quick response.
He seemed happy to hear from me,he said he never thought he's hear from me.
Well yeah since he's been a jerk, so now I'm on light LC,
But I don't know what he guidelines are for LC,not totally ready to be best friends w/him but like to have someone to chat with like I used to
Bu I mut admit,I don't want to fall for him,because now I'm single,I was dating briefly, that didn't work out-i guess I was turning to him for some sort of attention for now,
How do I establish LC,should I be less available?
I know its bad enough I broke NC,but I was ready and wasn't expecting a quick response,
Hwo do I keep it cool without slipping back.
Any suggestions,opinions? Thanks

TrueFaith · Nov 3, 2008, 08:13 PM

you was happy! That he replyed to you..
admit it.
Go back to no contact he met someone else didn't he.

you will just get sucked back in. and this will stop you from living your own life.. and most important HEALING..

you have a few posts where you sound really upset.
I know you get weak and lonely at times
but you have to be strong

because you are taking steps back now!

Don't.
Go back to No Contact.

next time you feel lonely or in need of love. Ring up a family member

failing that.. ring up a friend

but not your X he has someone and as its LDR anyway.. well it is just not worth it

Regards

Witchywoman1212 · Nov 3, 2008, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

you was happy! that he replyed to you..
admit it.
Go back to no contact he met someone eles didnt he.

you will just get sucked back in. and this will stop you from living your own life.. and most important HEALING..

you have a few posts where you sound really upset.
I know you get weak and lonely at times
but you have to be strong

because you are taking steps back now!

Dont.
Go back to No Contact.

next time you feel lonely or in need of love. ring up a family member

failing that.. ring up a friend

but not your X he has someone and as its LDR anyway.. well it is just not worth it

Regards

You are right, I was happy that he replied,but he may still be with someone
Maybe I was down and looking for something,attention
Best not to get it from him.
So you really think I'm taking few steps back?

TrueFaith · Nov 3, 2008, 09:30 PM

If you keep on this road.. the contact will start to effect you more.
And you will end up hurting yourself all over again.

I know its really nice to talk to people you care about.. but sadly in this case it will do more damage than good

We do no contact for a reason to help us heal.
I think you need time
You have to love yourself
And learn not to need that attention from him.

Good luck

talaniman · Nov 3, 2008, 09:47 PM

LC, sounds great, but its not healing, and yes it (light contact) is an excuse, when NC gets hard. YOU MADE THIS UP AS A SHORTCUT TO FEELING BETTER, INSTEAD OF DOING THE REAL WORK THATS REQUIRED TO HEAL, AND MOVE ON.

Sorry, short cuts, and excuses, never work over time, and only hold you back from doing the right things for yourself.

Realize that fabricating this LC, as an alternative to NC, was only to justify contact with him again, as is the excuse of you needed some attention.

Instead of calling the ex, you should have been building other options for yourself. Like getting busy with other things and people.

That's how you heal, by NOT going backward, and falling into the same old rut as before.

Please go back to no contact, and build a life that you enjoy, without him in it.

Short cuts, and excuses never work over time, and only hold you back from doing the right things for yourself.

So just start over, do it right, and drop the nonsense.

Questions??

Witchywoman1212 · Nov 4, 2008, 10:48 AM

I knew I would get the online be whipping from Talinaman
Thanks, I know it but in a way I was okay with breaking NC
And then he immediately replied,not to say things are so great
But there's this other website I ran into enotalone
And people was advocating LC,
Some folsk say that NC just makes you want them more
Guess I won't be listening to them
My thing is that a guy I really liked, just disssapeared on me calls, doesn't answer my messages no reply, nothing so I was feeling low, I know that shouldn't but I thought hey why not, and he's (th new guy) not the only guy who flaked out on me too.
But both of you are right, I haven't healed yet, well with him I still hold a bit of resentment
Because even though we were e-mailing its as if nothing ever happened, he seems happy to hear from me but I have to remember I was the one who initiated contact.

I am not hurting from him but this new guy who just flaked out on me-
Has no one ever done this,turn to an ex when things are not so great?

TrueFaith · Nov 4, 2008, 10:54 AM

Its natural you want the attention that the X gave you.. because you was rejected by this man.

You still should not have done.. that's what moments of weakness are.
no good swaping one bad guy for another.. is there.

as I said :) give yourself time to heal and focus on you
before you jump back into the dating game
you are to emotional at this point
which is very normal.

everyone needs a little time on there own.
to really get that strength

good luck

Witchywoman1212 · Nov 4, 2008, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Its natural you want the attention that the X gave you.. because you was rejected by this man.

You still should not have done.. thats what moments of weakness are.
no good swaping one bad guy for another.. is there.

as i said :) give your self time to heal and focus on you
before you jump back into the dating game
you are to emotional at this point
which is very normal.

everyone needs a little time on there own.
to really get that strength

good luck

I like that! Swap one bad guy over another,that's sharp! Thanks point taken