[datant69]

I'll try and make this short, I recently started receiving disability due to a bad back injury. I was paying childsupport to the tune of 325.00 a month and that includes medical. This was when I was working and earning 40k a year. Now I'm disabled and I bring in roughly 1600 per month. So my X decides to cut me a break but does this sound right.

I went to the attorney general's office and they stated that since she is getting my SS to the tune of just under 400.00. I didn't pay since she was getting disability and when I went they told me I was 900 behind. My X said she would drop the back but wanted 450 in medical. I can agree to that since she has been taking care of the dr's visits. Now she has him on medicare, so she doesn't really pay anything out of pocket. The AG told me that they don't have to consider my social security that she's getting as child support if they don't want to ( this is an issue I really have with this new change in our childsupport), that doesn't sound right.

Also the AG then stated that I still have to pay her another 60.00 on top of the SS she gets a month. So basically instead of lowering what I pay her I'm paying her more. Now she's getting 460.00 per month and I don't feel this is acurate. I don't make enough to really survive but the AG doesn't care, it seems like they can write their own rules and I'm not too happy with this latest outcome. I know I have @ 30 days to do something to change this but I'm not sure if it's a useless battle or what.

I've always felt like I've gotten a raw deal but I couldn't afford an attorney. Of course she never needed 1 since the AG would take me on, in the child's best interest but it always seemed like it was my X's best interest. Also, this X seems to know EVERYONE at the office we go to. She called every day until she got something done the last time when I started receiving workers comp which I don't anymore but this woman was getting both workers comp and my disability and then was livid when the workers comp stopped. Last time I went I told the receptionist who I was and she smiled and said my X's name with any hesitation or looking it up in the computer all while smiling like I was going to be f'd and didn't know it.

The other time I went in the AG's rep who helped us stated that the changes we were making we're to the law so this makes me think that they do this OFTEN without concern for anyone else except themselves and the beneficiary.


anyone have any suggestions? I really don't understand how if I make less I'm paying more, do they have to consider social security benefits as child support? Do I have to pay her medical if she has him on medicaid. The AG's rep said that I should be thankful I'm only paying 60.00 per month and that she wished she could pay that much for insurance. I really don't feel like this is right and have considered fighting this pro se or using Texas fathers for equal rights or some other group who can help me out. Please help me understand this, I swear I can understand how some men go off the deep end when they deal with legal issues and X's, I know I have obligations but this just doesn't sound like it's right at all.

Also no I'm not going off the deep end, or threatening anyone but I'm tired of always being the one who seems to get screwed. She claims him every year on taxes, and has 2-3 jobs, her husband lives with her and she's just real greedy and seems to find some humor in trying to take every penny I have.

[stinawords]

So is the $400 being taken out of your $1600 so you only receive $1200 or just the $60? That will make a rather large difference. If you are only having to pay $60 out of your pocket then you are lucky. Also why wouldn't she claim him on her taxes? He lives with her so unless there were other arrangements ordered she has that right. Child support is not tax deductable. I am going to guess that you are in Texas based on the reference in your post so after my first question is answered I think better answers can be given.

[cdad]

OK Im not sure if this is going to help but here is something you can look at.

Free Online Custody Forms - Child Custody Forms

Texas Child Support

It looks like it's a straight percentage. You may need to talk to a lawyer to have them answer your question as to if the SSD payment is considered as part of what you owe or if its held separate. Texas as of late has been on the warpath against fathers so you have a tough battle ahead.

[datant69]

No I receive 1600.00 and she receives just under 400.00. I have to pay the 60.00 out of my 1600.00 that I receive. It just doesn't seem right, and I'm frustrated about it and want to get this straight. Also if the 325 that I was paying before was calculated from the 40K I made a year then I was OK with the 325.00. But since I'm making a lot less shouldn't the support drop. I've done some research online and there have been cases where the amoutn obligated to pay was 200 and the beneficiary got more and the payee sued to get the difference and won so now the wife has to pay the father of the child the difference of the amount. I do live in Texas, and thanks for any help and comments.

[stinawords]

Here's the thing your support DID drop. It went from 325 down to only 60 a month! That is a big drop. If you are wanting to fight it you will need a lawyer if not a team of them. If you think that there is some sort of fraud going on with the child being on medicaid then that can and should be reported but otherwise the government has to be paid back or if Texas is like Indiana (and they are very similar on average) her cost will go up because of having less government assistance. I really don't see it decreasing any because you are only coming out of pocket by 60 bucks which as you should know isn't even close to half of what it takes to raise a kid per month.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, no, the social security payment is not and has nothing to do with child support, that is a payment a child gets if a parent receives the payment.

So the 400 has nothing to do with what you have to, or don't have to pay.

The 60 dollars is the actual payment you make.

[asking]

It doesn't sound like her getting the $400 is hurting you, since you are only eligible to receive $1600. Is that correct? It sounds like you are begrudging the $400 going to your son?

It's not that much. It's about 10% of your former income and you don't even have to pay it yourself.

I also hurt my back a while back (had major back surgery), so I know how depressing it can be to not be able to work and be at the mercy of what other people decide to do. It's incredibly easy to obsess about stuff.

I really think you should get your mind off this problem that is not hurting you and think about something that will make you feel more upbeat. Do you enjoy your time with your son? Is there something that you can do that you still enjoy? Is there something you could do part time to earn a few dollars and get out of the house? I don't mean to patronize you, but I think I recognize the state of mind you are in.

I was put on a lot of pain drugs and it took me a while to figure out that they weren't helping the pain that much and were contributing to depression. I had trouble thinking clearly and finishing tasks. It's been several years and things have gotten better. I am sure they will for you too.

Take care.

[datant69]

I appreciate both answers, no the 400 doesn't actually come from me, but my problem is the fact that she's getting more and now I have to pay another 60.00 out of my own pocket. I'm not that upset about it but she's insatiable when it comes to money and sure I enjoy the time I spend with my son, but it's at her discretion and she always acts like she's doing me a favor. I've always been real passive when it comes to court but this last time was like the last straw. My problem is that why should she get more if I'm getting paid less, I really wish the money was going to benefit my son, but she's very wasteful and spends the money on frivilous things that don't pertain to him. I do have a problem with that, but still if I'm getting paid less then why should she get a raise. Wouldn't the difference between the 325.00 I was paying and the 400 she gets now cover the medical I was ordered to pay. I haven't finalized the paperwork but I'm sure she thinks it's great that she's getting more. Her main goal is to try and get anything and everything I have. If I was to pass, I'm sure she'd be here at my house harassing my current wife over my things she thinks are hers, or my sons. I'm considering going back to court and trying to see if a judge will see through her greed. I know I sound like an angry X and I am to a point. But the thing that really gets me is the 60.00 more I have to pay per month when she has him on medicaid, and the fact that the 400.00 just isn't enough. Regardless if it doesn't come from me ( the 400.00 ) I'm sure there are plenty of mothers out there who'd love to get 400.00 a month and would probably put it to better use. So regardless she got a raise when I got a cut in pay. It just doesn't sound like it's right to me.

[datant69]

Another thing that bothers me is the lack of parenting on her behalf, HE FLUNKED 4th grade, how the hell did he do that? Is this neglect or what? I was really upset about it and now he's dealing with other kids calling him retarded and dumb. Of course kids will be kids but this may have a long lasting effect on him and if she doesn't want to help him understand his homework or make sure he's doing well in school then what? Let him be an elementary dropout and then let him spiral downward from there? I talked to him and he said that neither her nor her husband help him, the really don't support him as far as school goes and this really hurts me. I'd love to fight her for custody of my child but before I start that fight I need to know can and would this be legal ground to start this. He's 10 almost 11 and I'm praying the damage they have done is reversible. They have a daughter and she sat at my mom's one evening and told me, my mom, and my brother that he was retarded, how smart she was, and all kinds of stuff. I was very upset and had to walk out. I love my son and cannot fantom the idea of him being in surroundings like that. So tell me what you think, she thinks doping him up and trying all the new stuff to make himi almost comatose is the thing to do. I'm against it because what happens later down the road when he has health issues or anger about lack of support.

[stinawords]

Then what you can do is go to court to file for more visitation. She can't go against a visitation order or you take her back to court again and she can be held in contempt. I agree with an earlier post that you really need to just forget about the money I'm sure if the situation were reversed and you were raising your son you would want the financial help too. One more thing not all states have this but I know mine does and you would need a lawyer for it... but some states allow the judge to make the CP account for the support money.

[cdad]

What did the school say to you about him flunking ? Depending on that answer is what you will know you have to do.

[datant69]

He didn't turn in homework, wasn't paying attention in class and other things related to academics. He's not a dumb kid, he's pretty smart but at times needs a heavy hand and not on his behind. I've talked to his teachers before and they rarely if ever saw the mother at any school function or come up to the school unless called for discipline reasons.

[cdad]

he didn't turn in homework, wasn't payin attention in class and other things related to academics. He's not a dumb kid, he's pretty smart but at times needs a heavy hand and not on his behind. I've talked to his teachers before and they rarely if ever saw the mother at any school function or come up to tthe school unless called for discipline reasons.

A lot of what you had said could place him in need of being checked out for ADD. That being said those also are reasons for you to motion the courts for more custody time. Then maybe you can turn it around and he may be able to skip a grade once you know what's really going on.

[asking]

Also,datant69, you can certainly become more of a presence at school if the teachers think that's a critical aspect of parent involvement and your son's academic performance.

You can do a lot with your son during whatever time you have with him. I assume you see him for at least an hour or two once a week. What about spending half an hour to an hour working on school work and helping him stay organized? It's partly a matter of setting expectations. It's also critical to minimize family conflict,which tends to distract kids from theirs studies.

It's especially important not to confront children right before school, as studies have shown that they cannot focus on what their teacher is saying if there is family conflict before hand.

It's ironic that conflicts over custody and child support are bad for children even when the outcome seems desirable.

[twinkiedooter]

It sounds like you son definitely has some emotional problems that is causing his poor performance in school. He, too, could be upset and he has no clue how to handle mom either for that matter.

I would suggest you drop the $60 rant and pay more attention to wanting to spend more time with your son and nurturing him and helping him to cope emotionally with all the turmoil going on around him now.

You are just bitter in that she is collecting the $400 and your $60 and supposedly getting more. Well she is getting more but she is just not spending it on what you want her to spend it on. Another poster suggested having her account for the monthly child support monies. I would go that avenue if it makes you feel any better on how she is or is not spending on your son.

[stinawords]

Right, I will stay with my suggestion to petition the judge for more visitation. I really like the others' ideas of spending some of your visitation time helping him with homework and going to his school more often.

[datant69]

I'm not really bitter, I'm used to paying childsupport and always have, my issue is that it seems like she's real good friends with the workers at the local AG's office we go through and I consider it wrong for them to take her side. They should be neutral but it never seems that way. My son has been diagnosed with ADD and takes meds for it. I try to let her handle that part of his life but at times I express my concern because some of the meds are new and we don't know the long term effect. My real issue is that fact that regardless of what I do it's never enough, I know I should spend more time with him but I have a bad back injury that really affects my ability to drive/sit or do the normal things I used to take for granted. So please before you chastize me about spending more time with him please understand that 3 ruptured disc and my being disabled does hinder my ability to actually spend a lot of time doing things outdoors. We do play video games or board games when he comes over. But My real concern is why would she need so much to spend on him and why would I have to pay more if I'm making less. I know several mothers would love to receive 400.00 per month plus 60.00 more for medical. She's just flat out greedy and it effects my son in more ways they I will ever know. This woman makes it a point to call even if he left a pair of socks at my house just to about it. Seems she revels in the fact that she has that much control over my visitation and I'm fearful that she may be doing more harm then good. She has a younger daughter with her husband she's with now and my son is treated like a red headed step child and I've told her how this pisses me off but it's like talking to a wall. I just want my son to be normal like most parents and yea 400.00 isn't really coming out of my pocket but if she's entitled to 20 % when I was getting 40K then why should she get more if I get less. I know it won't make my SSI go up in pay but this is just ridiculous if she can just get this when I make less. Sorry if I sound hateful but it really upsets me when I think of her greed and think if and how my son is neglected.

[asking]

I'm not a psychologist, but you sound bitter and obsessive, probably depressed. I strongly recommend counseling. Exes will do annoying things like call about a pair of socks or a lost homework assignment. You probably annoy her too sometimes. If you can play board games and video games, you can help your son with his schoolwork if you choose to. If you decide to let his mother handle that part of his life and you don't help, then you really have no grounds for complaint about how she handles things.

It doesn't sound like you feel up to taking care of your son yourself.

It's very hard for me to feel sorry for you--although I totally understand the mood you are in. When I had a spinal fusion, I still had to drive my two kids to and from school over windy roads with potholes. Yeah, it hurt. You are lucky to have a wife to help you and disability insurance to live on. I didn't have either of those AND I had 85% custody of two kids. I was in a huge amount of pain and I was angry too, like you. But I had a lot more on my plate. I think you need to think about what you can do for your son, instead of arguing all the time with your ex about $60. Accept what you do not need to change, namely that she is happy to get $460 to help cover expenses. It sounds like your son has expenses with his ADD. It also sounds like she spends a lot of time talking to teachers and others and is an attentive parent. Nothing you've said suggests he's neglected.

Children in high-conflict divorces such as yours are more likely to have the kinds of problems your son is having. You can't make him "normal" by complaining to his mother. But you can make him happier by making peace with her. The more you argue with her, the worse things are for your son and the worse his academic problems. Be strong and patient for him. Find a way to channel your anger into something constructive and soothe yourself.

I'm speaking from experience...

[datant69]

I know I sound bitter and sure at times I can spend more time with him but instead maybe this disability does seem to interfer. I want to thank replies and open minds, even though at times it seems like I was being attacked I do see the logic in them. Like any parent I want something better for him and sure ing about 60.00 is frivilous. I wasn't trying to clog this board with BS with useless dribble, but wanted other opinions. I am considered therapy for me so I can get beyond what's bothering me and will try several avenues mentioned. You guys and gals were great and gave me a different perspective instead of what I was considering and pray for the best. Have a great day and your responses are worth more then I can say.

[stinawords]

I'm glad we've been able to help. Please come back to let us know how it works out or if you have anymore questions. But please stop harping about the money if you want to go to court do as I said and petition the judge for more time with him. I know injuries are tough but you have to put your kid before your pain no one is asking you to go play football with the kid.