[JBeaucaire]

The only thing I'd slip into the mix is that although it feels rude and insensitive the way he treated you about his son coming home, it is also understandable.

Divorces are touchy things. You don't indicate why you divorced, or if his wife knows about you. If not, then discovering you in his bed 3 weeks after the divorce might reveal the affair you were having prior to the divorce. (Yes, it was an affair, he was still married, right? I'm not judging, I'm using the terms that are accurate and will be used against him.. ) No way you want to risk his custody arrangement, right? Right?

So, his first priority is and always will be to his son. Even if you two get married, his responsibilities to that boy come first. Keep that in mind. It should make you love him all the more if you view it properly.

You coming second isn't a demotion. It's a promotion over all the other things he would spend time on except his son. View it correctly.

Now, having said all that, I know you're hurt, but you have to get in line with his decisions about his son and since you've been kept secret, you do what you're told regarding getting introduced. OK?

This stuff will work out. But you HAVE to be able to stand in your guy's shoes when you're angry at him. You MUST.

[GDArtist]

You guys are funny... dating at this age really sucks... cave walls are good to read sometimes... look at. See how other people live(d). Especially for those of us who try so hard, TOO hard.

After I wrote the letter, this is the response I got...

"Julie the chili is awesome. Not sure why u blew me off last night I made several attempts to see you so we could talk, oh well!
Thanks for making the chili. "

[asking]

"Oh, well!" ?

Weird answer.

Yes, dating at this age really sucks. :)

[GDArtist]

Oh well? I don't know if I should respond... that summed everything up. Like he could care less.

[GDArtist]

Funny thing, he never did say he was coming over to "just Talk" he was going to pay me,
And give the paintings back to my friend... he still has my shotgun, and other stuff over there of mine.

[asking]

Oh well? I don't know if I should respond...that summed everything up. Like he could care less.

I think he's trying to pretend it was just some minor misunderstanding and everything is fine. I think the best response is no response.

[GDArtist]

That is how I feel too... but it made me cry... it was very insensitive... thank you so much for your advice... I pray he will think about what he just wrote.

3 months ago, he started comparing me to his wife, who he hated... I had to pay for the sins of his wife... she stole from him, cheated on him 4 times and never worked, he totally supported her. I wrote him a letter, telling him to never compare me again to her, or I will have to let him go. I told him I have worked hard all of my life, every day I worked, raised 3 children by myself, with no child support or help financially, bought them each cars, helped them with college, and there father wanted nothing to do with them, never came to their birthdays or anything. The newspaper wrote a story about me a while back... because I started my own business stating all of the work I do for others, to help their businesses grow and give mine a name. He apologized and he's never compared me to her again. He wanted to break up with me, because he said I didn't deserve what he was doing to me, to wait till the divorce was final. He did for about 3 hours, then he called me back and said he couldn't.

This was again, very insensitive. It really brought me down, and I believe no response is the best answer... Thank you for being so kind.

[epiphany]

I think you are over thinking, over analyzing, and being way too over emotional here.

Everything he seems to say even an "oh well" you are dissecting out.

My guess is that this all went down and 1) he didn't realize you were looking at every word and action so closely and taking it so personally and 2) he probably doesn't think this whole event where he hid you is a deal breaker. He has so much on his plate right now this is one of those things couples look back on years after as remember that silly thing. It may hurt now but I bet that he just didn't see it that way. He got caught in a bad spot and did something dumb, it happens.

Instead of communicating how you feel effectively you are spinning in your head on his every move, just stop. Dating is hard at any age but it gets 100 times worse if you over analyze every step of the way. Just relax and go with the flow, he didn't say he'd not have you come over anymore he said he wouldn't till he told his son. You have to respect the way he is handling this because as much as I hate to say it the divorce and his care for his son is way bigger then anything you can provide right now other then your understanding.

Pushing too hard or being too emotional is just going to find you on the outside looking in because he won't have time to manage all of it at once. Guess who will be the first thing cut off that big old plate of stuff he's dealing with?

[GDArtist]

Thanks you for the comment.. you are probably right. Got any advice on what to do next?

[ZoeMarie]

Like what JBeaucaire said, divorces are touchy. Being introduced to my dad's girlfriend less than a month- I don't even know if it was that long after my mom died was REALLY hard. Yeah, they were getting divorced but I didn't know that my mom and dad were divorced, just knew that my mom was in a nursing home the last year of her life. Obviously your situation is different, but I was 11 and I don't know how old your boyfriend's son is, but it takes time to warm up to a parent's new boyfriend/girlfriend and probably the best way to meet them is not by finding out they he/she spent the night.

[epiphany]

thanks you for the comment..you are probably right. got any advice on what to do next?

I would try to slow my feelings down and take a deep breath. Relationships need to go slow but due to extra added circumstances yours needs to go even slower. You're so wrapped up on the feelings and trying to figure it all out when what you should be doing is just trying to enjoy what happens and let it grow. Just reel in some of your emotions and don't get so worked up over things.

He likes you, you like him that should be enough for now while he deals with his divorce. Give him some space to get it all straight and I think you will feel better, instead of spinning wheels wondering about where you fit just do your thing and let him figure it out.

[talaniman]

I would try to slow my feelings down and take a deep breath. Relationships need to go slow but due to extra added circumstances yours needs to go even slower. You're so wrapped up on the feelings and trying to figure it all out when what you should be doing is just trying to enjoy what happens and let it grow. Just reel in some of your emotions and don't get so worked up over things.

He likes you, you like him that should be enough for now while he deals with his divorce. Give him some space to get it all straight and I think you will feel better, instead of spinning wheels wondering about where you fit just do your thing and let him figure it out.

Well said!:D

[GDArtist]

You are right. That is a terrible way to find out... but he was suppose to introduce us all Thursday night, my kids were excited... my guy changed his mind...

[BMI]

I agree with much of the advice given. It never makes sense to me and may never will when a person gets into a relationship and instead of enjoying it we find ways to complicate it. Nothing in the story is worthy of starting fights for. Just enjoy, we all need to put a perspective on things.

Imagine Tal is guilty of each and everyone's mistakes on this thread? Not just one or two but ALL of them. Perhaps that is why the advice is so bang on, been there done that:) What a hellraiser you must have been lol.

[BMI]

Sorry, not thread but site.

[liz28]

I think I know why your over reacting to meeting his son. You probably think that if you met his son, someone who is important to him, it means that is is serious about you and that's why you got mad that he made you hide instead of introducing you. Him not doing that or him not letting you met his son, to you, means he isn't taking what you have serious.

I have a daughter and she didn't met my fiancé until almost 6 months into the relationship. I very cautious who I let around him and I keep my dating life separate from her. She doesn't met everyone I go out with and even when she met my fiancé we meet to amusement park. Vise versa with my fiancé, I met his son around the same time. Even though you was with him for 5 months, he was going through a divorce and the divorce was only final for 3 weeks.

Give it time and focus more on where your two are heading. Relationships are a gamble and unpredicatable. There ar other things that needs to be iron out and once that happens then everything else will fall into place. He have things to overcome and so do you. Make the bond stronger and secure and once that happens then worry about meeting his son.

[GDArtist]

Thank you... he did introduce me to some of his college friends, two weekends ago, at a party. That was huge... He is emailing me today, stating he is in meetings - and I told him how beautiful it is outside, there was a bunch of guys golfing on the course... so I am making it lighter... I appreciate you helping me. I am just not real good with the relationship thing, and this man is awesome. I hope he can put up with me. I have so much to offer...

[GDArtist]

It was awesome. He invited me over for dinner, to meet his son, he cooked steaks. I didn't plan to bring my daughter, but did, and they talked all evening! It was great. I was so nervous. But we had a lot of fun! I am so happy.. So any advice about how to keep this
Very light? Lol I am just so happy...

[JBeaucaire]

Um... try keeping it light?

Hehe, what are you asking? Sounds like you're doing fine. As soon as you start stressing over something, assume YOU'RE the problem and stop stressing over it.

Other than that... life can be bearable and fun if you just keep it simple.

[talaniman]

Go with the flow, and enjoy the moment.